New Year Musings, Resolutions, and More...

Wow, we are already 26 days into a New Year!  I love the beginning of a new year because it feels like a fresh start, kind of like going to the Sacrament of Confession, where you walk out of the confessional with renewed hope, a clean slate, and a desire to start over and make things better.

This year I made the resolution to try to pray both the rosary and the chaplet of Divine Mercy sometime throughout the day, and also to exercise for at least 20 minutes per day.  I try to do the rosary first thing in the morning, usually with my children when I drive them into school, and the chaplet I reserve for the 3:00 hour (the hour Jesus Himself said was the hour of mercy when He opens His heart to pour special graces on those who ask for them in memory of the hour in which he died for us).  Again, I pray this with my children if I'm the one who picks them up from school, or I do it by myself at home if Joseph brings the kids home.  It truly warms my mother's heart that even when Joseph is the one who takes the kids to and from school, they are in the habit of  praying the rosary and the chaplet to begin and end their school day.  If that's the only good habit I've taught my kids, then that is enough for me! :)

The year 2019 has certainly started less tumultuous than 2018 began.  2018 was our year that turned upside down when our son Dominic went to the hospital for a bone infection and came out of the hospital with a serious case of PTSD and recurring panic attacks.  He is still in counseling to manage his anxiety and panic attacks.  He has healed tremendously---but not completely.  The panic attacks now are rare, but still very real.  Perhaps this will be his lifelong cross, but I am hopeful that 2019 will bring much hope and healing for him.  I humbly ask for your continued prayers for him and our family.

2019 will be a big year for Joseph as he starts to look into colleges, take ACT and SAT tests, apply for scholarships, and discern his future.  I ask for your prayers upon him as well.

I am confident that the saints we picked (or did they pick us?) this year will help us grow in holiness too, so that is a consolation and a blessing.  I love being Catholic and having this opportunity to have holy intercessors to help us in our daily lives.  Here are our saints for 2019:

• Paul:  St. Christopher Magallanes (one of the martyred priests during the Cristeros War in the 1920s)
• Maria:  St. John the Baptist
• Joseph:  St. Bartholomew (one of the disciples, also knows as Nathanael in the gospels)
• Michael:  St. Benjamin (deacon and martyr in Persia in the 400s)
• Dominic:  St. Cunegundes (holy empress of Rome who gave most of her wealth to the poor and became a nun after King Henry's death)
• Nathanael:  St. Bernardine of Siena (joyful and enthusiastic Franciscan preacher of the 1400s)
• Isaiah:  St. Saturninus (bishop of France and early martyr of the Church)

I also pick a word of the year for myself, using a randomized word search on the internet, and this year my word is:
CARE.  I do feel that God is calling me to reach out more to other people, to be the hands and feet of Christ and show His loving "care" to all those He places in my life.  I hope, with His grace, to do better at that this year.  Perhaps God also gave me this word to remind me of how much He cares for me, even when I fail over and over again.  I have always struggled with believing that God loves me unconditionally and isn't disappointed in me for my sins and imperfections.  So this year I will try to adopt St. Therese's spirituality of having childlike trust in God's fatherly love and His infinite mercy for me and for the whole world.

Lastly, some of you might be encouraged by the January message from Medjugorje, which I thought was a beautiful call to holiness and conversion for the whole world for the new year.  May it touch your heart and may you and I spread this message through our words and actions this year:


January 25, 2019 message to Marija, one of the visionaries in Medjugorje:

"Dear children! Today, as a mother, I am calling you to conversion. This time is for you, little children, a time of silence and prayer. Therefore, in the warmth of your heart, may a grain of hope and faith grow and you, little children, will from day to day feel the need to pray more. Your life will become orderly and responsible. You will comprehend, little children, that you are passing here on earth and you will feel the need to be closer to God, and with love you will witness the experience of your encounter with God, which you will share with others. I am with you and am praying for you but I cannot without your 'yes'. Thank you for having responded to my call."​​

Under the weather

Please say a prayer for our sweet Isaiah!  He has been battling illness since Christmas time!  First, it was a bad cold with a lingering cough and fever.  And now he has a very bad stomach virus.  I will spare you the details.  Pray for his quick recovery and for protection for the rest of our family against this nasty bug.  Thank you!!!

He's adorable even when he's sick!

I sure have been loving the extra snuggles,

but I will love seeing him well even more!

called to prayer AND action

After learning about the tragedy in the Philippines, I have felt helpless.  Sure, our family has been sending many prayers that direction, but it hit me today that perhaps we are called to do more than just pray.  The Catholic convert and blogger Jennifer Fulwiler (www.conversiondiary.com) posted this a few days ago, and it inspired me to pray and act, so I'm sharing it for others who feel called to do the same.  I'd also love to hear any other ideas of ways we can help the people in the Philippines...so please leave your ideas in the comment box if you have any!

For those who would like to help the relief effort, you can donate to Catholic Relief Services, which has a strong presence in the Philippines. They note that the recent earthquake has strained their resources, and they’re in dire need of financial support.

A prayer from the CRS website:

God who quiets great winds and stills rough seas
We ask your protection for the people of the Philippines.
Comfort them in their fear.
Stay close to them in their danger.
And we ask the intercession of Your Blessed Mother
That together with her and with all your holy saints
We may stand in solidarity with our Filipino brothers and sisters
through their darkest hour, through their longest night.
Give us the courage to remain steadfast
To reach out to them in their need
To comfort them in their sorrow
To hold them as closely as You hold them
To see them through to morning. Amen.

24 week milestone

 



I'm happy to report that I have made it to my 24 week mark without being put on bedrest.  With my last pregnancy, I was put on bedrest at 21 weeks, so I was apprehensive how things would go this time around.  I do have frequent Braxton Hicks contractions, but nothing too regular.  At my appointment this week they checked to make sure I was not dilating, which I wasn't, so that was good news.  The bad news, however, is that I have been having other troubling symptoms for the past couple of weeks that have my OB a little concerned.  I've been feeling a lot of pressure or tightness in my chest, difficulty breathing, and heart palpitations.  With my blood clotting disorders, the doctor immediately wanted to make sure I wasn't having a blood clot in my lungs, so I had a CT scan to rule that out (thankfully!).  Now my OB wants me to see a cardiologist to do an ultrasound on my heart and to monitor my heart using a Holter monitor/EKG device for 48 hours.  Ugh!  I am hoping my symptoms will disappear before my appointment with the cardiologist so that I can cancel it.   My husband has been gone for a 2 week business trip, so I wonder if that caused extra anxiety which led to the symptoms I was having???  I am trying to take better care of myself this week by removing all caffeine, drinking lots of water (which I am terrible at!), and trying to rest and trust God as much as I can.  I'd appreciate any extra prayers you could send my way too--for peace in my heart, healing if there is something that needs to be healed, and for this sweet growing baby to be perfectly healthy.  THANK YOU!

A Special Thanksgiving for Grandma

This Thanksgiving, my family has something very special to be thankful for:  my grandmother, Bernice Russell, was invited to meet her Savior for a Thanksgiving feast in Heaven!  Grandma passed away peacefully in the middle of the night yesterday, and there is quite a miraculous story to share...  My mom woke up at about 2:00am and couldn't sleep, so she decided to pray.  One of her specific prayers was for my grandma's guardian angel to take her hand and take her home to Jesus because she had suffered enough.  Less than an hour later, the phone rang at my mom and dad's house.  It was grandma's nursing home calling to let my parents know that Bernice had passed away sometime between 2:30am and 3:00am.  Coincidence?  I'll let you decide for yourself.  But I am convinced that God hears our every prayer and honors our specific requests when they are in accordance with His will.  Forever I will treasure the image of my grandma being escorted to heaven by her faithful guardian angel.  What a gift and consolation for our family!

 

My grandma lived a full and happy life of 98 years, with the joy of watching her four children have children of their own, and spending many years enjoying her great-grandchildren who lit up her eyes like nothing else could.  Up until the last few weeks of her life, she kept her wit and her spunk, and she always loved visiting with people about the "good old days".  Grandma passed away due to a tumor found in her lower abdomen, and she was simply too old and frail for the doctors to attempt a surgery.  Thankfully, the good Lord made her suffering very brief, for she died less than 2 weeks from the time the doctors first detected the tumor.  My parents were blessed to spend time with her nearly every day for the past 25 years, and they spent hours and hours holding her hand and praying with her during her final days on this earth.  My mom marvels at how grandma's faith had grown these past few years of her life and is so thankful to have spent countless hours with her talking about spiritual things. The Chaplet of Divine Mercy especially brought much comfort to my parents and my grandma during her final days of suffering, and we are all confident that Jesus poured out his abundant mercy upon my grandma at the hour of her death. 

 

I will miss spending time with my grandma when I go home to South Dakota to visit each summer.  I will miss hearing her stories of being a hair beautician and being married to my grandpa, Charles, who she is now happily reunited with, I'm sure.  I remember when Paul and I were dating, her eyes would get this twinkle and she would say, "Ain't love grand!?"  I will miss her pulling out all of her old paintings and drawings to show me for the 100th time---paintings of famous movie stars and majestic mountains and roses so realistic you could almost smell them.  She had so much artistic talent, and I know I will think of her every time I pull out my paints and brushes and attempt to use some of the talent she passed on to me.  Perhaps most of all, I will miss the way her eyes lit up when I would bring my kids to come see her, and she would say over and over again how handsome and good-natured they were (I'm happy she didn't see much of their not-so-good-natured moments!)  Yes, I will miss her dearly, but I know she will be even closer to me now as I visit with her beyond that ever-so-thin veil between Heaven and Earth, and seek her special intercession.

 

So on this Thanksgiving Day, will you please say a prayer of thanks with me for my grandma's homecoming to heaven, or if she's not quite there yet (meaning, a short stay in purgatory), please offer a prayer for speedy travels for her soul to reach paradise very soon.  Thank you and Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!

 

 Grandma Bernice and Grandpa Charles...a long time ago.

 

 

Grandma Bernice...summer of 2012.

 

Nathanael sharing some chocolate covered raisins with his great-grandma. 

a prayer

Most Merciful Jesus,

Today I learned that my country elected a president, for the second time, who condones and promotes evil.  I know that President Obama must grieve Your heart through his unashamed support of abortion, gay marriage and other evils that are contrary to Your truth.  What must offend You even more is that over half of our country voted for him, proclaiming that they believe Obama is right and You, our perfect God who laid down Your life for us, is somehow wrong.  Forgive us, sweet Jesus, for clearly we do not know what we do.  

I feel deep sadness at how our nation is offending You and causing You to relive the pain of your Passion by the way we cling to our sinful ways--the sins that You died to free us from.  I am sorry that our country continues to wound Your loving heart by turning away from the mercy and life-giving truth that You offer.  I simply do not know what else to do except to beg for Your continued mercy to be poured upon our nation so that many souls may be saved before it is too late.  Even though I am one of Your weakest servants, I pray that I may somehow console Your sorrowing heart through my prayers, my humble sacrifices, and my sincere love for You. 

I know You have every right to unleash a just punishment on our nation for choosing a culture of death over Your ways of life and truth, but I do not fear.  I do not fear because even though I know You are the just Judge and a severe punishment may surely come, I also know You are my merciful Savior, and that those who believe in Your mercy will be hidden and protected always inside your most Sacred and loving heart.

Filled with sorrow, but profound trust in You Jesus,
Your loving servant,
~Maria

it's been awhile...

Wow, I feel like it's been ages since I last posted something on my blog.  Partly that is due to the beginning-of-the-school-year-craziness, and partly because this pregnancy has made me so nauseous and emotional that I don't really know how to express my thoughts very well right now.  Feeling like you have the flu 24/7 kinda squelches one's creativity and talkativeness...  :} 

I also feel like I am dragging around a very heavy cross right now that I have not learned how to shoulder courageously or joyfully yet, and it's hard for me to talk about it...because I would just sound whiny and insecure and selfish (which I know I am but I don't want you to know that).  Plus, complaining about one's cross is probably a sin, so I think it's best if I remain silent on the issue and simply ask you to pray that I learn to find joy and healing as I learn to unite my tiny suffering with the Lord's incomprehensible passion.  And just for the record, this precious little baby growing inside me is not my cross...he or she is a joy and a blessing to me!  I suppose it might be true that all the pregnancy hormones racing through my body have caused this old cross of mine to feel more sliver-ish and heavy, but I know this gift of life is not the source of my struggle.  The spiritual warfare that I am experiencing has been a battle I've been fighting for many years and just can't seem to win (perhaps I need to quit trying so hard and simply surrender it to Jesus).  Anyway, I very much appreciate your prayers. 

 

 

Speaking of struggles and spiritual warfare, as I continue to read the amazing diary of St. Faustina, I realize just how small my struggles are relative to hers, and I also find tips in how to fight them like she so bravely did day after day.  Allow me to share some more excerpts from this book that have really spoken to me lately:

I united my sufferings with the suffering of Jesus and offered them for myself and for the conversion of souls who do not trust in the goodness of God.  Suddenly, my cell was filled with black figures full of anger and hatred for me.  One of them said, "Be damned, you and He who is within you, for you are beginning to torment us even in hell."  As soon as I said, "And the Word was made flesh and dwelt among us," the figures vanished in a sudden whir. (entry 323)

Jesus made known to me how very pleasing to Him were prayers of atonement.  He said to me, "The prayer of a humble and loving soul disarms the anger of My Father and draws down an ocean of blessings."  After I spent time in adoration, half way to my room I was surrounded by a pack of huge black dogs who were jumping and howling and trying to tear me to pieces.  I realized that they were not dogs, but demons.  One of them spoke up in a rage saying, "Because you have snatched so many souls away from us this night, we will tear you to pieces."  I answered, "If that is the will of the most merciful God, tear me to pieces, for I have justly deserved it, because I am the most miserable of all sinners, and God is ever holy, just, and infinitely merciful."  To these words all the demons answered as one, "Let us flee, for she is not alone; the Almighty is with her!"  And they vanished like the dust, like the noise of the road, while I continued on my way to my room undisturbed, finishing my prayers and pondering the infinite and unfathomable mercy of God. (entry 320)

On Friday, when I as at Ostra Brama to attend the ceremony during which the newly finished Divine Mercy painting was displayed, I heard a sermon given by my confessor Father Sopocko.  This sermon about Divine Mercy was the first of the things that Jesus had asked for so very long ago.  When he began to speak about the great mercy of the Lord, the image came alive and the rays pierced the hearts of the people gathered there, but not all to the same degree.  Some received more, some less.  Great joy filled my soul to see the grace of God.  Then I heard the words, "You are a witness of My mercy.  You shall stand before My throne forever as a living witness to My mercy."  When the sermon was over, I did not wait for the end of the service, as I was in a hurry to get back home.  When I had taken a few steps, a great multitude of demons blocked my way.  They threatened me with terrible tortures, and voices could be heard:  "She has snatched away everything we have worked for over so many years!"  When I asked them, "Where have you come from in such great numbers?" the wicked forms answered, "Out of human hearts; stop tormenting us!"  Seeing their great hatred for me, I immediately asked my Guardian Angel for help, and at once the bright and radiant figure of my Guardian Angel appeared and said to me, "Do not fear; without the Lord's permission these spirits will do you no harm."  Immediately the evil spirits vanished and the faithful Guardian Angel accompanied me, in a visible manner, right to the very house.  His look was modest and peaceful, and a flame of fire sparkled from his forehead.  O Jesus, I would like to toil and wear myself out and suffer all my life for that one moment in which I saw Your glory, O Lord, and profit for souls." (entry 419)

And lastly, St. Faustina's wisdom on being silent (part of the reason why I feel called to be silent about my cross and simply bear it only with the help of Jesus):

"Silence is a sword in the spiritual struggle.  A talkative soul will never attain sanctity.  The sword of silence will cut off everything that would like to cling to the soul.  We are sensitive to words and quickly want to answer back, without taking any regard as to whether it is God's will that we should speak.  A silent soul is strong; no adversities will harm it if it perseveres in silence.  The silent soul is capable of attaining the closest union with God.  It lives almost always under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit.  In the midst of all sufferings, both physical and spiritual, as well as in darkness and desolation, I will remain silent, like a dove, and not complain."  (entry 477 and 504)

When God clearly has too much confidence in you...

When God has more confidence in you than you have in yourself,

He sends you two pink lines instead of one

because double lines leads to double the trust in Him.

When God loves you more than you can comprehend,

He gives you a task you don't think you can handle

because He wants to show you that you can--with Him.

When God gives you a gift you can't unwrap right away,

you simply say "thank you, thank you, thank you"

as you pray and wait to hold that present from above.

P.S. Please pray for me my blogging friends, pray for a healthy baby and for peace for this overwhelmed heart of mine.  I feel like an emotional train-wreck this week (hormones, perhaps?)  Of course I am thrilled with this news, but I'm struggling with the fear of miscarrying again, and also the reality of having 5 children with no family close by.  "Jesus, I trust in You" is perpetually on my lips.  I am due on May 5th, although I typically have my babies a week or more early.  We are all thrilled, and the boys say they are hoping for another boy--which would not surprise me in the least.  I would love having another baby boy, but I sure wouldn't be opposed to buying some pink either!  :)  God's will be done.  Thank you in advance for your prayers!

5 Month Update

Nathanael turned 5 months old last week. I know it's cliche to say it, but his time with us sure has flown by. It seems like just yesterday we brought him home from the hospital. He continues to be a delight...so smiley, so easy (during the day, that is). This month he had his first cold---thankfully a mild one. He has rolled over both ways a few times. He has mastered the art of eating mush, but still has not mastered the art of sleeping. He actually seems to be regressing in that department, much to my dismay. He had been sleeping a 4 or 5 hour stretch at night, and now he's back to waking every hour or two. I thought it was just a growth spurt, but it's been going on now for a few weeks. He nurses for just a minute or two and falls right back to sleep, so obviously he's not waking from hunger but rather out of habit or for reassurance. I'd be all ears for tips! I know the goal is to teach him to comfort himself when he wakes up instead of needing to nurse for comfort, but I'm not sure my heart can handle the "tough love" (a.k.a. crying) it might take to teach him this important lesson. Please pray for my parenting wisdom, patience, and perseverance to function joyfully during the day on very little sleep...I'm especially in need of joy...I seem to have run out :} Thank you!

Pondering Life on 3-16

Today's date is 3-16, and the Christian radio station that I was listening to this morning reminded me to ponder the verse John 3:16...

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life."

I was reminded that we indeed have a loving Father, that we indeed have much to be thankful for if we accept the gift of eternal life which God offers daily. I was also reminded to give thanks for some wonderful news that I received yesterday---not as wonderful as "the Good News" of everlasting life, but extremely good news about a mother who chose life for her unborn child. Apparently there was a young mother who had just found out she was pregnant who was at our 40 Days for Life Kick Off event last week. She was considering abortion, but a friend of hers convinced her to come to this hope-filled, pro-life event. At our informational table the young woman picked up a business card for our local crisis pregnancy center. The following day she went there to have a free ultrasound, and by the end of the appointment she found the grace to accept the life in her womb that God had given her. Praise the Lord!

However, I also received an email yesterday from someone on our 40 Days for Life email list who begged for prayers for a friend of hers who is scheduled to have an abortion at our local Planned Parenthood this Friday. I offered to speak to the friend and suggested our local crisis pregnancy center that offers free ultrasounds. Please, please help me storm the heavens with prayers for this mother and her unborn child. May our prayers help to open her eyes to the gift of life that God has created in her womb, and perhaps even the gift of eternal life that God wants to offer her if she hasn't already accepted it. I pray that this young woman's heart is flooded with God's love; may she feel Jesus' gentle arms around her; may she feel the peace of the Holy Spirit within her, and may she have the courage to make the right choice.

So please pray with me on this day of 3-16 as you ponder the powerful words of John 3:16... pray in thanksgiving for the abortion-minded mother who chose life for her child last week, pray in thanksgiving for the gift of life eternal that God has given you, and pray in supplication for our Heavenly Father to save the lives of unborn children all over the world, especially the precious life in jeopardy that I mentioned above.

Mathematical Prayer Request

Preterm labor at 30 weeks +
Strict bedrest for the next 5 weeks +
Drugs that make me feel weak and jittery =
Please pray for me, baby, and our family.

Prego Picture and Prayer Request

I thought I'd share my 1 month prego picture even though there's not a whole lot of "bump" to be seen yet :) It sort of bewilders me that my belly is a bigger despite the fact that the baby is still smaller than a rice krispie. Fascinating. Anyway, my two older boys are all too excited to take pictures of my belly, so stay tuned for monthly shots from here on out :)

Also, I wanted to ask whoever may be reading this to take a few seconds to send these prayer requests to heaven:

• I have a sister-in-law who is pregnant (just a couple of weeks ahead of me), and she is having SEVERE morning sickness to the point where she has her own I.V. bag at home to supply her with constant fluids and Zofran. Please pray for her, her baby, and a swift, miraculous end to the nausea.
• Please pray for another relative who recently found out she has terminal, stage 4 cancer throughout her body. She is in her 30s, with 3 small children. Pray for a miraculous healing, comfort, peace, and increased faith in Christ as she carries this heavy cross.
• For all pregnant women and those grieving the loss of a child. I have 5 friends in my rosary group who are expecting, as well as 1 dear friend who recently lost her baby, so help me pray for graces to be showered upon each of them in whatever ways they need it most.

Thank you!

BABY ON BOARD!!!

We are very excited to announce that God has blessed us with another baby, due to be born at Thanksgiving-time! I am newly pregnant (only 4 weeks), so I would like to ask for extra prayers to be sent my way. I tend to be a bit anxious these first few months because of my history of miscarriages, low progesterone, and the blood-clotting disorders that I have. Also, please help me to pray for wisdom in discerning the right OBGyn for me. The midwife I used to see can no longer see me because of my high risk factors, and I have been struggling with finding another doctor that I really trust. I know I need to place my trust in the Lord and remind myself that this child is ultimately His and that His will for our family is perfect and good, no matter what happens.

Mary, Queen of Peace,

St. Joseph, patron saint of families,

and St. Gianna, patron saint of pregnant women,
please pray for me!

Cursillo Retreat

My sweet husband is attending a Catholic Men's Retreat (called "Cursillo") this weekend. The Scripture theme for the retreat is "Speak Lord, for your servant is listening." (1 Samuel 3:10) Please help me cover my husband in prayer...that he grows closer to Christ and can hear that still small voice that will help him see God's will and purpose in his life in a deeper way. Thank you!