This is Nadine Grace, my beautiful, joy-filled friend who just turned sweet 16 last month, and who just entered the gates of heaven last week. It's all still so surreal; my tears are still wet on my face...
On Sunday, March 8th, she suddenly collapsed at the ski hill and was taken to the ER. They quickly discovered that one of her lungs had collapsed, and soon after discovered that this was caused by a cancerous tumor in her lung. Cancer was not new for Nadine. She had already fought it back twice: once at age 6, and again a year or two later. Nadine had been cancer free for many years since then, and even her last check-up a few weeks ago showed that everything was normal. So even though cancer was not a new word for Nadine's family, this time it came as a shock. Over the next six days, family and friends came to visit Nadine at the hospital, to pray with her, to laugh with her, and to encourage her to beat cancer once again. The ironic part is that people were coming to encourage Nadine, but in fact it was Nadine who was really encouraging them! She inspired countless people that week with her faith, peace, and courage as she carried her heavy cross. Nadine did not despair even when she received the devastating news later that same week that the cancer was growing FAST and she would have to choose whether to fight it at a larger children's hospital, or to just let it take its course. Nadine, with a faith and maturity beyond her years, said she didn't want to fight anymore, she just wanted to see Jesus. And Jesus must have heard her, for she died the next day. No one expected it would happen that fast. God was so merciful to spare her and her family months of suffering. Amazingly, the day before she died, she pulled out a notebook and wrote down all her funeral plans... She gave strict instructions that she wanted happy music, and she said: "I don't want black clothes at my funeral. Those are depressing colors. I want bright, cheerful colors--I want the joyful part instead of moping around. Yes, it's sad, but it's joyful." And her instructions were followed beautifully. The crowd in attendance looked like a field of wildflowers. The music was more like a praise and worship Catholic youth conference than a funeral. We even sang the song, "How can I keep from singing," which I never imagined singing at a funeral, but it was perfect. Truly, it was the most Spirit-filled, joy-filled funeral I have ever attended. Yes, there were tears, but there was also a joyful energy and a peace that passes understanding in the air. I am certain Nadine was pleased. :)
I have to be honest, though...this has been one of the heaviest and hardest weeks that I can recall. I am trying to be happy for sweet Nadine's sake---she is finally free from tears or pain! She had a hard life in her short 16 years, not only battling cancer, but struggling with mental health issues, academic challenges, and social problems that often left her feeling very insecure and unloved at times. How happy I am that she is now in the arms of Love Himself and having a blast playing with babies in heaven's nursery and holding hands with her favorite saint: Bernadette. But selfishly, I am sad. I miss her. I bitterly regret not spending more time with her. I was so very, very blessed though to visit her twice during that last week of her life. She actually called me 2 days before she died to specifically ask me to bring my 4 year old, Nathanael, to the hospital to brighten her day. To say that Nadine loved little children would be a drastic understatement! I will never forget Nathanael snuggling with her on her hospital bed, and the way he kept saying, "I love you, Goodbye, I love you, Goodbye," over and over again as we walked out of the hospital room. It was as if his pure little soul somehow knew this would be his last farewell to her. How I wish I had known... But I will treasure the memory of those last visits in my heart forever. I will also treasure the memory of being her Confirmation sponsor last year and getting a glimpse into her precious soul during our weekly religious education classes together. But, oh, how I wish I couldn't spent MORE time with her, letting her know just how much I loved her... I should have invited her on shopping sprees, asked her to come play with my little ones at the park, and taken her snowboarding at the ski hill near her house. She would often call and ask if she could babysit for me, and I always said "no" because I was too caught up in my own busy life. Please forgive me, Nadine. But I know she would not want me to have regrets, so I will strive to be thankful for the times we had together, and I will continue my friendship with her now more than ever by asking for her intercession often. I chatted with her just a few days ago, asking her to say hello to my 3 babies who are in heaven. I sure hope she has found them and snuggled with them for me.
Dear Nadine, I love you. Thank you for letting me be a part of your life. Your death has stretched my heart and inspired me to love better and live more joyfully like you did. Please pray for me and my family so that we can reach heaven and see you again someday.
Nadine's mom took this photo on her ipad of our last visit with Nadine at the hospital.
I will treasure it always.
