Belated Birthday Tribute

My son Joseph turned 11 on September 10th, but it seems like he got to celebrate all month long (hence the late posting on the subject).  On his actual birthday, his daddy was out of town on a hunting trip, so I told Joseph I'd take him to his favorite restaurant to celebrate (which worked out nicely because I rarely cook during this 1st trimester nausea phase).  Joseph picked Taco Del Mar.  Afterwards, we walked next door to Petco because the kids love to say hello to all the animals.  The next night we went out for desert at Dairy Queen because we were just too full for ice cream after his birthday supper.  A few days later, my parents came to town.  I didn't tell the boys they were coming, and it was a great big surprise.  So, of course, my parents had to treat Joseph for his birthday too...  They took the boys fishing, to the carousel for dessert, to the park to play baseball, to the archery range to shoot at all the targets, and all sorts of fun things that grandparents do.  Then, the weekend after my parents left, we had one more big birthday event for Joseph...a trip to Silverwood Theme Park in Idaho.  Originally, I was supposed to take the 3 older boys because I LOVE rollercoasters (perhaps that's why I'm constantly on one in my head!), and I also love staying at hotels, swimming, and eating junk food on road trips.  Well, once we found out I was pregnant, we had to go with Plan B because obviously I'm not allowed to ride on rollercoasters; plus, with my blood clotting issues I'm not even allowed to drive in a car for more than 1 hour without having to get out of the car and walk around for a few blocks to prevent a miscarriage from occurring.  That would have made for a really long road trip.  So, Plan B meant Paul got to take the older boys on a fun father-son bonding adventure, and I got to stay home and bond with my babies and try not to throw up from my morning sickness.  I admit I was a bit sad not to go, but I was also deeply happy that the boys and their daddy had such a good time.  I was especially thankful that our Birthday Boy had a truly happy birthday this year, even without a traditional birthday party with his friends. 


Now for some Joseph trivia of 2012:

• Favorite food:  Italian bread
• Favorite colors:  red and black
• Favorite activities:  Fishing, skiing, baseball, drawing, altar serving, archery, playing flight simulator games
• Best friends: his brothers, Alex Amos, the Ahmann brothers, Levi Long
• Favorite baseball team:  St. Louis Cardinals
• Favorite books:  Garfield books, Tin Tin comics
• Favorite things his mommy loves about him:  his freckles, his maturity, his kindness and peace-making abilities, his amazing brain and the way he can memorize things (like the list of all the presidents or a 2-page long poem), the way he can just sit and draw or read for hours,  his sweetness towards his brothers, his growing faith

it's been awhile...

Wow, I feel like it's been ages since I last posted something on my blog.  Partly that is due to the beginning-of-the-school-year-craziness, and partly because this pregnancy has made me so nauseous and emotional that I don't really know how to express my thoughts very well right now.  Feeling like you have the flu 24/7 kinda squelches one's creativity and talkativeness...  :} 

I also feel like I am dragging around a very heavy cross right now that I have not learned how to shoulder courageously or joyfully yet, and it's hard for me to talk about it...because I would just sound whiny and insecure and selfish (which I know I am but I don't want you to know that).  Plus, complaining about one's cross is probably a sin, so I think it's best if I remain silent on the issue and simply ask you to pray that I learn to find joy and healing as I learn to unite my tiny suffering with the Lord's incomprehensible passion.  And just for the record, this precious little baby growing inside me is not my cross...he or she is a joy and a blessing to me!  I suppose it might be true that all the pregnancy hormones racing through my body have caused this old cross of mine to feel more sliver-ish and heavy, but I know this gift of life is not the source of my struggle.  The spiritual warfare that I am experiencing has been a battle I've been fighting for many years and just can't seem to win (perhaps I need to quit trying so hard and simply surrender it to Jesus).  Anyway, I very much appreciate your prayers. 

 

 

Speaking of struggles and spiritual warfare, as I continue to read the amazing diary of St. Faustina, I realize just how small my struggles are relative to hers, and I also find tips in how to fight them like she so bravely did day after day.  Allow me to share some more excerpts from this book that have really spoken to me lately:

I united my sufferings with the suffering of Jesus and offered them for myself and for the conversion of souls who do not trust in the goodness of God.  Suddenly, my cell was filled with black figures full of anger and hatred for me.  One of them said, "Be damned, you and He who is within you, for you are beginning to torment us even in hell."  As soon as I said, "And the Word was made flesh and dwelt among us," the figures vanished in a sudden whir. (entry 323)

Jesus made known to me how very pleasing to Him were prayers of atonement.  He said to me, "The prayer of a humble and loving soul disarms the anger of My Father and draws down an ocean of blessings."  After I spent time in adoration, half way to my room I was surrounded by a pack of huge black dogs who were jumping and howling and trying to tear me to pieces.  I realized that they were not dogs, but demons.  One of them spoke up in a rage saying, "Because you have snatched so many souls away from us this night, we will tear you to pieces."  I answered, "If that is the will of the most merciful God, tear me to pieces, for I have justly deserved it, because I am the most miserable of all sinners, and God is ever holy, just, and infinitely merciful."  To these words all the demons answered as one, "Let us flee, for she is not alone; the Almighty is with her!"  And they vanished like the dust, like the noise of the road, while I continued on my way to my room undisturbed, finishing my prayers and pondering the infinite and unfathomable mercy of God. (entry 320)

On Friday, when I as at Ostra Brama to attend the ceremony during which the newly finished Divine Mercy painting was displayed, I heard a sermon given by my confessor Father Sopocko.  This sermon about Divine Mercy was the first of the things that Jesus had asked for so very long ago.  When he began to speak about the great mercy of the Lord, the image came alive and the rays pierced the hearts of the people gathered there, but not all to the same degree.  Some received more, some less.  Great joy filled my soul to see the grace of God.  Then I heard the words, "You are a witness of My mercy.  You shall stand before My throne forever as a living witness to My mercy."  When the sermon was over, I did not wait for the end of the service, as I was in a hurry to get back home.  When I had taken a few steps, a great multitude of demons blocked my way.  They threatened me with terrible tortures, and voices could be heard:  "She has snatched away everything we have worked for over so many years!"  When I asked them, "Where have you come from in such great numbers?" the wicked forms answered, "Out of human hearts; stop tormenting us!"  Seeing their great hatred for me, I immediately asked my Guardian Angel for help, and at once the bright and radiant figure of my Guardian Angel appeared and said to me, "Do not fear; without the Lord's permission these spirits will do you no harm."  Immediately the evil spirits vanished and the faithful Guardian Angel accompanied me, in a visible manner, right to the very house.  His look was modest and peaceful, and a flame of fire sparkled from his forehead.  O Jesus, I would like to toil and wear myself out and suffer all my life for that one moment in which I saw Your glory, O Lord, and profit for souls." (entry 419)

And lastly, St. Faustina's wisdom on being silent (part of the reason why I feel called to be silent about my cross and simply bear it only with the help of Jesus):

"Silence is a sword in the spiritual struggle.  A talkative soul will never attain sanctity.  The sword of silence will cut off everything that would like to cling to the soul.  We are sensitive to words and quickly want to answer back, without taking any regard as to whether it is God's will that we should speak.  A silent soul is strong; no adversities will harm it if it perseveres in silence.  The silent soul is capable of attaining the closest union with God.  It lives almost always under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit.  In the midst of all sufferings, both physical and spiritual, as well as in darkness and desolation, I will remain silent, like a dove, and not complain."  (entry 477 and 504)

Thankfulness Captured on Camera

picking camoflaged beans in our garden

 

 

 

pumpkins finally appearing (hoping they will ripen before the frost hits)

 

 

 

 cooking peanut butter cookies while praying the rosary and chaplet of divine mercy

Our Lady of Perpetual Help, perpetually helping me draw nearer to Jesus

 

 

praying our family rosary at this peaceful Mary grotto, making our Heavenly mother smile and this earthly mother more at peace

 

 

lighting a prayer candle for our baby at the grotto, placing our little one in her care

 

 

 

taking Nathanael on a walk to our local Catholic college and visiting Jesus in the chapel; He is always there waiting with his arms open wide...what a gift, yet I often forget!

 

 

 

happening upon a busy back-hoe while on a walk with Nathanael

 

 

 

taking my boys to a Brewer's baseball game...

 

 



eating peanuts while cheering for the home team

 

 

 

watching sweet Michael seriously prepare for becoming an altar server

 

 

 

seeing a huge buck napping under a trampolene in someone's backyard--smart deer...he knows hunting season began and town is the safest place to be

 

God's infinite mercy on this selfish soul of mine...I cling to the cross that sets me free 

 

 

and here's a few more without pictures...

all...day...nausea that reminds me this baby is still with me, growing all...day...long

Joseph laughing out loud on the couch while he reads a Garfield book from the library
leansing tears

removable couch coverings that can be put in the wash after getting puked on

friends who listen to me cry--and then bring me chocolates to cheer me up

cool Autumn air

a successful surgery for my mom (one of her parathyroids was removed), and the healing of her knee that had been causing her lots of pain for months

the way Natey says "back-hoe" (wacko) and loves to play with construction machines

the upcoming visit from my mom while my husband is away hunting--helping this hunting widow not get so bitter

Nathanael being so tough as he braved stitches on his forehead

God speaking to me through Faustina's diary (again), teaching me what it really means to love:

"I see that the smallest things done by a soul who loves God sincerely have an enormous value in His holy eyes. And true love is measured by the thermometer of suffering. Jesus I thank you for the little daily crosses..." (#340, 343)

 

When God clearly has too much confidence in you...

When God has more confidence in you than you have in yourself,

He sends you two pink lines instead of one

because double lines leads to double the trust in Him.

When God loves you more than you can comprehend,

He gives you a task you don't think you can handle

because He wants to show you that you can--with Him.

When God gives you a gift you can't unwrap right away,

you simply say "thank you, thank you, thank you"

as you pray and wait to hold that present from above.

P.S. Please pray for me my blogging friends, pray for a healthy baby and for peace for this overwhelmed heart of mine.  I feel like an emotional train-wreck this week (hormones, perhaps?)  Of course I am thrilled with this news, but I'm struggling with the fear of miscarrying again, and also the reality of having 5 children with no family close by.  "Jesus, I trust in You" is perpetually on my lips.  I am due on May 5th, although I typically have my babies a week or more early.  We are all thrilled, and the boys say they are hoping for another boy--which would not surprise me in the least.  I would love having another baby boy, but I sure wouldn't be opposed to buying some pink either!  :)  God's will be done.  Thank you in advance for your prayers!