As Old as Jesus...

This week, on May 22nd, I turned 33.  It struck me that I am now the age that Jesus was when he died on the cross.  Jesus accomplished so much in his short 33 years of life on earth...he saved countless souls, healed so many lives with His love, and he continues to do so today.  I know it seems futile to compare my 33 years of life on earth with my Savior's life, but since we are all called to become more like Him, perhaps it's something we should do from time to time (perhaps even daily). 

As I look back on my life to see what I have accomplished, I see times when I know God was pleased with my efforts, but also times when I have failed miserably...failed to tap into His grace to touch others with His love, and chosen a selfish path instead.  The area that I have failed the most is my marriage.  I am married to a wonderful, Godly man, who has grown into a spiritual leader of our family, an incredible father to our boys who is modeling true manhood and virtue for them, and a loving husband who strives to serve me above himself.  And yet, our entire marriage I know I have placed expectations on him that were impossible to fill, therefore making him feel like a failure, when, in fact, it was me who failed...failed to serve and love him unconditionally.  We celebrate our 12th Anniversary this weekend, and it truly has taken me this long to see my marital immaturity and strive to repair, to heal, and to touch my husband's heart with Christ's unconditional love.  Thankfully, he is a very patient man and has continued loving me and trying to please me through my slow learning process :)  One of my dear friends, who has helped pray for my marriage over the years, sent me the link to an encouraging blog post about marriage.  The following excerpt really convicted my heart and hopefully it will help me become more like Jesus by age 34, and make my marriage more beautiful by our 13th Anniversary!  May these powerful words inspire you in your marriages to:


How would you ever learn unconditional love if you were married to someone who met all the conditions?


How would you ever learn mercy, patience, long suffering, or heart felt compassion if you were married to someone who never failed you? Who is never difficult with you? Who never sinned against you? Who is never slow to acknowledge their sin or ask for forgiveness?


How would you ever learn grace to pour out your favor on someone who did not deserve it if you were married to someone who was always deserving of all good things?


I was reminded that our focus of marriage should not be whether our spouse meets all conditions perfectly, to provide an easy relationship to enjoy.  Rather, we should focus on the opportunities God gives us in marriage to build up our character.


Marriage is a platform to practice the same characteristics of Christ.


You are married to a person who does not meet all the conditions, so that you might learn unconditional love. You are married to a person who needs mercy, so that you learn to give it.

And thus you become like the God you worship!


The main purpose of marriage is that through your marriage you become transformed to the image of Jesus Christ.

(an excerpt from a sermon by John Piper)

Here's a fun photo of Paul and I after 1 year of marriage.

I pray we will be this twitterpated, perhaps even MORE twitterpated, when we celebrate 50 years of marriage!

Memories I Want to Remember

Part of the reason I blog is to be able to write down funny things my kids say and do so that I don't forget them months or years down the road.  It seems like it's the split-second endearing moments that make motherhood worth all the hours and years of routine and sacrifice.  So here are a few snapshots (in words) of recent memories I want to remember...


The two older boys are in baseball right now, and I am surprised at how nervous I get when they are up to bat or on the pitching mound.  Dominic was standing near me while we were watching Michael's game last week, and in the middle of an inning the coach asked Michael to take over as pitcher.  As Michael started pitching, Dominic tells me, "Mom, mom, Michael is the pitcher!"  As I was trying to keep my eyes on the game, I just nodded and said, "Ya, ya, I know."   Dominic immediately replied, "But mom, shouldn't you be doing this?"  I didn't know what he meant, so I quickly glanced at Dominic who was apparently showing me what I normally do when Michael is pitching...  He had is hands in a prayer-position way up by his mouth.  I had to laugh out loud!  I never realized it before, but that is the nervous stance I take when one of my boys is pitching or at bat.  I guess I just do it as a nervous habit, although sometimes I really do start praying to help calm my nerves and hopefully to send some graces in my boys' direction to help them do well.  How funny that my 5-year-old noticed that...I hope no one else noticed!  Now that my kids are in sports, I am starting to realize why my mother used to obnoxiously yell and grab my leg when I sat next to her at my brothers' wrestling tournaments :) 

Nathanael is saying all sorts of funny things these days now that his vocabulary is taking off like wildfire.  Just this morning he was playing with the bikes in the garage and I said, "That's a bike, can you say bike?"  He looked at the bike again and confidently said, "A butt, a butt."  :)  And last week, I was filling up water balloons outside for the older boys while Nathanael was playing in the rocks nearby.  He came over to me making a perfect buzzing sound.  I thought to myself, how sweet, he must have seen a bumblebee.  Then I hear Dominic yell, "Mom, Nathanael's holding a bee!"  So I drop my water balloon that I was filling and quickly run over and slap the bee out of Nathanael's hand.  It falls to the ground, still very much alive, and Nathanael reaches down to pick it up again.  "No, no!" I yell as I quickly stomp on the buzzing bee with my shoe.  Then, of course, Nathanael starts to cry.  How he escaped from being stung is a miracle to me, but apparently kids never escape their moms ruining all their fun.  :}

Every night around the dinner table, Paul always asks the boys the same question:  "So, boys, what did you learn today?"  The boys have come to expect it now, and they usually are prepared with an answer about something that they learned in school that day.  Well, a few weeks after Paul broke his wrist, he asked the boys that same question at dinner time.  Joseph and Michael both gave one of their usual responses about leaning how do do long division or learning a new spelling word or something of that sort.  And then it was Dominic's turn.  Out of the blue he replied, "40 is too old for snowboarding."  Everyone broke out in laughter...  I guess I kids really do learn from their parent's mistakes! :)

Motherhood: Beautiful Death of Self

My husband bought me these roses a few weeks ago.  They were beautiful, but unfortunately they died within a few days.  I hated to see them just get thrown away, so I decided to try to hang them upside down to dry them.  They dried beautifully, and now I get to find joy in them for months, perhaps years.  As I celebrate Mother's Day this weekend, these roses reminded me of the vocation of motherhood.  When I became a mother and experienced the thrill of falling in love with my first-born, it was similar to the thrill of receiving unexpected roses from my lover.  However, just like roses that wilt and die, sometimes the thrill of motherhood wanes with the mundane routine, the stress that motherhood can bring, the countless acts of sacrificing my own wants for the needs of my children.  But as a mother of seven children, 4 on earth and 3 in heaven, I am beginning to see that the daily "dying-to-self" that motherhood entails can be a beautiful thing, just like the beauty in dried roses.  When we die to self, there is more room for the life of Christ to shine through us...and that indeed is beautiful.  Jesus tells us that death is not only beautiful, it is also fruitful:  "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit." (John 12:24)


Motherhood roots out selfishness like nothing else can.  I am forced to put my will aside numerous times every hour....I can't just go hang out with friends, or take a few hours to read quietly, or have a romantic date with my spouse, or catch up on my photo albums whenever I want....the call to motherhood is a constant and more urgent calling than any of my selfish wants.  Diapers need to be changed, kids need to be carted to school, scrapes need to be kissed, dinner needs to be made, laundry is always waiting to be washed.  So I choose to die to self and live for others instead.  Sometimes it is painful.  Sometimes I complain and have a pity party.  Sometimes I even cry and mourn the death of my identity.  Until I remind myself of my true identity:  I am a wife, a mother, a servant of Christ.  I am no longer just Maria.  No longer do I have the luxury of being selfish.  I have the privilege of being self-less; I am the daughter of a King who has promised me an eternal prize greater than all of my selfish wants put together.


So this Mother's Day, may all of you beautiful mothers out there embrace your identity, your vocation of motherhood, with new enthusiasm...embrace the beauty of dying to self so that you may truly live for Christ and bring Him to others, especially your children and spouse!  Remember that your daily acts of dying to self are indeed beautiful and fruitful.  Happy Mother's Day!

Thankful Thursday

Thankful for unexpected flowers from my beloved... I love how he's learning to speak my love language!



Thankful for my choir boy, making even the angels smile :)



Thankful for beautiful baby Evan who I got to see and spoil with love last week



Thankful for the joyful responsibility of leading this little soul to Jesus through my prayers and love as his godmother!



Thankful Jon and Debbie asked me to be Evan's godmother, and so glad I could be there for his beautiful baptism!



Thankful for Jon's cat, Lily, whose smooshed-in face is somehow so endearing :)



Thankful for such an artistic Creator (seen so clearly at the Rhododendron Gardens in Portland)



Thankful that Evan is blessed with such awesome parents...that little boy will never be wanting for love or attention!



Thankful that signs of God's presence are truly everywhere...like in this dove tree, reminding me of the Holy Spirit...

...and this clover, a simple reminder of the profound mystery of the Trinity.

Thankful for my big-hearted brother, who has always stood by my side and made me laugh :)

Thankful for getting spoiled with great food on my vacation, like this incredible breakfast casserole...mmm!



Thankful for being treated to a healthy smoothie every morning---thanks Jon!



Thankful for vacations that remind me that my life is beautiful, if I but let the light of God shine on it.

More litany of thanks (without pictures):

• a giving husband who happily encourages me to get out of the house to go have fun (I wish I were as giving, espeicially during hunting season!)
• imperfect children who remind me how imperfect I am
• Springtime in the Rockies...snow flurries still flying in May
• a budding peace lily giving me peace about my babies in heaven
• coffee with Hazelnut creamer
• Coca-Cola
• Nathanael's naptime = my prayer time
• a police officer friend whose life was spared
• the rhythmic sound of my bread machine...and the resulting smell of honey wheat bread
• family bike rides to a park
• hand-me-downs from a stylish friend
• boys in baseball uniforms
• my husband's silver hair
• learning the Biblical roots of the Holy Mass at my Monday prayer group
• the feeling of accomplishment in digging up dandilions
• amazing Mexican food at the Salt Lake City airport
• lots of time to pray while sitting in my window seat on flight 4468
• the luxury of sleeping-in
• the holy smell of Chrism oil in my godson's hair after his baptism
• uninterrupted reading on my flights to and from Portland (I fell in love with the book, "The Secrets of the Rosary" by St. Louis DeMontfort)
• 4 laps around the rosary (praying all 4 sets of mysteries)---giving Our Lady a full wreath of roses
• playing card games and Clue with Jon and Debbie in the evenings (except that Jon won EVERY time!) :)