the lowest place

To be blatantly honest, I have been struggling this week, crying myself to sleep more than once.  And I think I've figured out the problem:  a combination of a lack of humility and a desire to be fulfilled by something other than God.  So as I've been pondering my lack of humility, I was reminded of a book I read many years ago, a book so simple, yet truly profound in its insights into the spiritual life. The book is called "Hinds Feet on High Places," by Hannah Hurnard. It is certainly on my top 5 books that I've ever read, and I highly recommend it, especially if you are going through "a desert" or "valley" and you're longing to reach the "high places" of joy and peace that the Lord wants you to have. The book is about a young girl named Much-Afraid who is crippled, but longs to be healed and to be able to scale the high mountains. The Shepherd takes her on a difficult journey to teach her to overcome her fears. Anyway, even though it's been 10 years or more since I've read the book, God brought to my memory a scene from the book that I believe He wanted me to meditate on to help me learn what humility looks like--that it is actually a joyful, beautiful thing. Allow me to share a portion of the book with you... Perhaps God will whisper something to your heart through these words too:

...they came to a place where a rushing stream poured itself across the path they were following and went cascading down the other side. It was running so swiftly and singing so loudly that it seemed to fill the valley around them with its laughing voice.

As the Shepherd lifted Much-Afraid across the slippery, wet stones she said to him, "I do wish I knew what it is that all the running water sings... It sounds so happy and so eager, as though it were repeating to itself over and over again some very lovely, secret message... Tell me, Shepherd, do you know what all the waters sing as they hurry on their way?"

The Shepherd smiled again, and they stood silently for a few moments by the little torrent, which seemed to shout even more loudly and exultantly as though it knew they had paused to listen. Suddenly, as Much-Afraid stood beside the Shepherd it seemed as though her ears and her understanding were open, and bit by bit, the water language became clear. It is, of course, impossible to write it in water-language, but this is the best I can do to translate it. Of course it is a very poor effort, for though a water song perhaps may be set to music, words are quite a different matter. But it went something like this:

Come, oh come! let us away--

Lower, lower every day,

Oh, what joy it is to race

Down to find the lowest place.

This is the dearest law we know--

It is happy to go low.

Sweetest urge and sweetest will,

Let us go down lower still.

Hear the summons night and day

Calling us to come away.

From the heights we leap and flow

To the valleys down below.

Always answering to the call,

To the lowest place of all.

Sweetest urge and sweetest pain,

To go low and rise again.

"That is very puzzling," said Much-Afraid, after she had listened for a little and found that this was the refrain, repeated over and over again, though with a thousand variations of little trills and murmurs and bubbles and splashing sighs. 'Let us go down lower still,' the water seems to be singing so gladly, because it is hurrying to go down to the lowest place, and yet you are calling me to the Highest Places. What does it mean?"

"The High Places," answered the Shepherd, "are the starting places for the journey down to the lowest place in the world. When you have hinds' feet and can go leaping on the mountains and skipping on the hills, you will be able, as I am, to run down from the heights in the gladdest self-giving and then go up to the mountains again."

Those words really convict my heart of my own selfishness...my desire to be put on a pedestal by my husband, my desire to be liked by everyone, my desire to do everything perfect, my desire to look good and together all the time, my desire for me-time, my desire for a nicer house, nicer kids, nicer marriage, nicer everything. All of those desires are completely self-centered instead of other-centered or Christ-centered. Instead of wanting to be on a pedestal that I don't deserve, I should want to be in the lowest places, serving others unnoticed for no glory other than pleasing the heart of Jesus. "Jesus, meek and humble of heart, make my heart like Yours!" How contrary the joyful "Water Song" is to the selfish messages this world screams in our ears. How I long to find the joy in being little, being low, being humble--in serving rather than being served. Will you please pray that I can learn this lesson of humility, that my life can be like a cascading stream that serves life-giving water and joy to those who cross my path?  As opposed to the selfish sponge that I've been lately...ugh...when will I ever learn!?

 "Jesus, meek and humble of heart, make my heart like Yours!"

a poem (reposted)

I've had a challenging couple of weeks with many tears falling and various insecurities rising.  This old poem I penned awhile back resurfaced in my mind, so perhaps I'm supposed to re-post again for myself or anyone else out there feeling like life is hard...



when marriage is hard
look into the faces of your children
see your husband's reflection there
yes, you'd say "I do" all over again


when parenting is hard
look into the face of your helpmate
see his strength and encouraging smile
yes, together you can shape their tiny souls


when life is hard
look into the face of your Savior on the cross
see the love poured out with the blood
yes, you can suffer for He taught you how

Little Boys are Made of Snips and Snails and Battle Details

With a house full of five boys (6 if you count my husband), my life feels a bit crazy at times, and I'm still trying to figure out how to raise these little boys who are so very different from their very girly mother.  Although I was raised with 3 older brothers, I still was very much a girly-girl who loved ballet, playing with Barbies, and wearing dresses and way too much make-up.  When I got married I planned on passing on my ballet toe shoes on to my daughter someday and having many tea parties and painting each other's toe nails.  But don't get me wrong...I love my boys!!!  Honestly, I can't imagine my life any other way anymore, but I am still learning "what little boys are made of" and how to channel those qualities into ways that can glorify God.

For example, I don't where the limit is on all the pretend-play that involves bombs and battles and good-guys vs. bad-guys and a whole lot of plastic death all over their bedroom floor.  Nathanael is going through a stage right now where all he likes to do is build castles out of blocks and then he places his soldiers on top of the castles, and then there is an epic battle with the blocks tumbling and all the bad guys getting vanquished.  The end.  Then he does it all over again...and again...and again.  Of course, he frequently asks me to play this exciting game with him, but there is only so much of it I can take.  So today I tried to make him think outside of the box a little bit with his pretend play.   I told him, "Let's build something else for your soldiers to live in.  How about we build a big cathedral so that they can go to church?"  I was pleasantly surprised that he said yes.  I was not too surprised, however, when he decided that the Cathedral had to be defended against an army of bad guys who were going to destroy it.  Sigh.  But I told myself, perhaps I can turn this into a teachable moment.  So I quickly ran to get a rosary and explained how the rosary is the greatest weapon against evil.  Nathanael's eyes brightened.  My heart lightened.  Then he started swinging the rosary and crashing it into the bad guys to wipe them out.  Sigh again.  I guess that's what little boys are made of.

The other craziness that has been going on with my littlest boy is that he is now a CRAWLER!  Bring out the Pack-N-Play!  Bring out the vacuum 3 times a day!  Bring out my camera!  This little guy crawls unlike any of my other boys though.  We affectionately call him "the gimper" because he scoots around using one leg while dragging the other one behind him.  Hopefully he'll grow out of that.  :)

Yes, my life is crazy, but so very, very good.  I'm learning to laugh more and just go with the flow, and to accept this crazy life for the blessing that it is.  And also just to have some fun with it!

(Thanks, Mom H. for the fake mustaches...the boys thought they were the coolest things ever!)

Saints and Resolutions for 2014

Our family is continuing the tradition of choosing a patron saint to be our special intercessor for the new year.  A friend of mine who has a special devotion to St. Faustina first told me about this beautiful tradition a few years ago when she shared the following excerpt from Faustina's diary:

"Jesus likes to intervene in the smallest details of our life, and He often fulfills secret wishes of mine that I sometimes hide from Him, although I know that from Him nothing can be hidden.  There is a custom among [the sisters in our convent] of drawing by lot, on New Year's Day, for special patrons for ourselves for the whole year.  In the morning during meditation, there arose within me a secret desire that the Eucharistic Jesus be my special patron for this year also, as in the past.  But hiding this desire from my Beloved, I spoke to Him about everything else but that.  When the sisters gathered for breakfast, we blessed ourselves and began drawing our patrons.  When I approached the holy cards on which the names of the patrons were written, without hesitation I took one, but I didn't read the name immediately as I wanted to mortify myself for a few minutes.  Suddenly, I heard a voice in my soul:  I am your patron.  Read.  I looked at once at the inscription and read, "Patron for the Year 1935--the most Blessed Eucharist."  My heart leapt with joy, and I slipped quietly away from the sisters and went for a short visit before the Blessed Sacrament, where I poured out my heart.  (entry 360)

So, just like we've done the past few years, all of us wrote down 5-10 saint names and placed them in a hat...  Here are the results of the saints that God desired each of us to have for 2014:

Paul:  St. Maria Goretti
Maria:  St. Dominic Savio
Joseph:  St. Thomas Aquinas
Michael:  the Sacred Heart of Jesus
Dominic:  St. Padre Pio
Nathanael:  St. Paul
Isaiah:  Our Lady of  Medjugorje

As for New Year's resolutions this year, we have re-resolved to read the Bible aloud at the table after supper.  I say "re-resolved" because we've tried to do this before, but the habit never has stuck for long.  Hopefully, this time, with the help of God's grace, it will become a daily habit for our family that will reap eternal rewards.  We decided to start with the book of Romans, and each night we take turns reading a chapter out load and talking about how God's word can be applied to our lives.  We borrowed this idea from Ann Voskamp's blog because I have always been inspired by how her family reads the Bible together around the dinner table as a reminder that "Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word which comes forth from the mouth of God" (Deuteronomy 8:3 and Matthew 4:4).

By the way, if any of you readers would like me to draw a saint name for you, I'd be more than happy to do so...  Just post a comment below that I will reply to, or you can send me an email if you'd prefer to correspond that way: (pmhurlbert@gmail.com).