it's been awhile...

Wow, I feel like it's been ages since I last posted something on my blog.  Partly that is due to the beginning-of-the-school-year-craziness, and partly because this pregnancy has made me so nauseous and emotional that I don't really know how to express my thoughts very well right now.  Feeling like you have the flu 24/7 kinda squelches one's creativity and talkativeness...  :} 

I also feel like I am dragging around a very heavy cross right now that I have not learned how to shoulder courageously or joyfully yet, and it's hard for me to talk about it...because I would just sound whiny and insecure and selfish (which I know I am but I don't want you to know that).  Plus, complaining about one's cross is probably a sin, so I think it's best if I remain silent on the issue and simply ask you to pray that I learn to find joy and healing as I learn to unite my tiny suffering with the Lord's incomprehensible passion.  And just for the record, this precious little baby growing inside me is not my cross...he or she is a joy and a blessing to me!  I suppose it might be true that all the pregnancy hormones racing through my body have caused this old cross of mine to feel more sliver-ish and heavy, but I know this gift of life is not the source of my struggle.  The spiritual warfare that I am experiencing has been a battle I've been fighting for many years and just can't seem to win (perhaps I need to quit trying so hard and simply surrender it to Jesus).  Anyway, I very much appreciate your prayers. 

 

 

Speaking of struggles and spiritual warfare, as I continue to read the amazing diary of St. Faustina, I realize just how small my struggles are relative to hers, and I also find tips in how to fight them like she so bravely did day after day.  Allow me to share some more excerpts from this book that have really spoken to me lately:

I united my sufferings with the suffering of Jesus and offered them for myself and for the conversion of souls who do not trust in the goodness of God.  Suddenly, my cell was filled with black figures full of anger and hatred for me.  One of them said, "Be damned, you and He who is within you, for you are beginning to torment us even in hell."  As soon as I said, "And the Word was made flesh and dwelt among us," the figures vanished in a sudden whir. (entry 323)

Jesus made known to me how very pleasing to Him were prayers of atonement.  He said to me, "The prayer of a humble and loving soul disarms the anger of My Father and draws down an ocean of blessings."  After I spent time in adoration, half way to my room I was surrounded by a pack of huge black dogs who were jumping and howling and trying to tear me to pieces.  I realized that they were not dogs, but demons.  One of them spoke up in a rage saying, "Because you have snatched so many souls away from us this night, we will tear you to pieces."  I answered, "If that is the will of the most merciful God, tear me to pieces, for I have justly deserved it, because I am the most miserable of all sinners, and God is ever holy, just, and infinitely merciful."  To these words all the demons answered as one, "Let us flee, for she is not alone; the Almighty is with her!"  And they vanished like the dust, like the noise of the road, while I continued on my way to my room undisturbed, finishing my prayers and pondering the infinite and unfathomable mercy of God. (entry 320)

On Friday, when I as at Ostra Brama to attend the ceremony during which the newly finished Divine Mercy painting was displayed, I heard a sermon given by my confessor Father Sopocko.  This sermon about Divine Mercy was the first of the things that Jesus had asked for so very long ago.  When he began to speak about the great mercy of the Lord, the image came alive and the rays pierced the hearts of the people gathered there, but not all to the same degree.  Some received more, some less.  Great joy filled my soul to see the grace of God.  Then I heard the words, "You are a witness of My mercy.  You shall stand before My throne forever as a living witness to My mercy."  When the sermon was over, I did not wait for the end of the service, as I was in a hurry to get back home.  When I had taken a few steps, a great multitude of demons blocked my way.  They threatened me with terrible tortures, and voices could be heard:  "She has snatched away everything we have worked for over so many years!"  When I asked them, "Where have you come from in such great numbers?" the wicked forms answered, "Out of human hearts; stop tormenting us!"  Seeing their great hatred for me, I immediately asked my Guardian Angel for help, and at once the bright and radiant figure of my Guardian Angel appeared and said to me, "Do not fear; without the Lord's permission these spirits will do you no harm."  Immediately the evil spirits vanished and the faithful Guardian Angel accompanied me, in a visible manner, right to the very house.  His look was modest and peaceful, and a flame of fire sparkled from his forehead.  O Jesus, I would like to toil and wear myself out and suffer all my life for that one moment in which I saw Your glory, O Lord, and profit for souls." (entry 419)

And lastly, St. Faustina's wisdom on being silent (part of the reason why I feel called to be silent about my cross and simply bear it only with the help of Jesus):

"Silence is a sword in the spiritual struggle.  A talkative soul will never attain sanctity.  The sword of silence will cut off everything that would like to cling to the soul.  We are sensitive to words and quickly want to answer back, without taking any regard as to whether it is God's will that we should speak.  A silent soul is strong; no adversities will harm it if it perseveres in silence.  The silent soul is capable of attaining the closest union with God.  It lives almost always under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit.  In the midst of all sufferings, both physical and spiritual, as well as in darkness and desolation, I will remain silent, like a dove, and not complain."  (entry 477 and 504)

Thankfulness Captured on Camera

picking camoflaged beans in our garden

 

 

 

pumpkins finally appearing (hoping they will ripen before the frost hits)

 

 

 

 cooking peanut butter cookies while praying the rosary and chaplet of divine mercy

Our Lady of Perpetual Help, perpetually helping me draw nearer to Jesus

 

 

praying our family rosary at this peaceful Mary grotto, making our Heavenly mother smile and this earthly mother more at peace

 

 

lighting a prayer candle for our baby at the grotto, placing our little one in her care

 

 

 

taking Nathanael on a walk to our local Catholic college and visiting Jesus in the chapel; He is always there waiting with his arms open wide...what a gift, yet I often forget!

 

 

 

happening upon a busy back-hoe while on a walk with Nathanael

 

 

 

taking my boys to a Brewer's baseball game...

 

 



eating peanuts while cheering for the home team

 

 

 

watching sweet Michael seriously prepare for becoming an altar server

 

 

 

seeing a huge buck napping under a trampolene in someone's backyard--smart deer...he knows hunting season began and town is the safest place to be

 

God's infinite mercy on this selfish soul of mine...I cling to the cross that sets me free 

 

 

and here's a few more without pictures...

all...day...nausea that reminds me this baby is still with me, growing all...day...long

Joseph laughing out loud on the couch while he reads a Garfield book from the library
leansing tears

removable couch coverings that can be put in the wash after getting puked on

friends who listen to me cry--and then bring me chocolates to cheer me up

cool Autumn air

a successful surgery for my mom (one of her parathyroids was removed), and the healing of her knee that had been causing her lots of pain for months

the way Natey says "back-hoe" (wacko) and loves to play with construction machines

the upcoming visit from my mom while my husband is away hunting--helping this hunting widow not get so bitter

Nathanael being so tough as he braved stitches on his forehead

God speaking to me through Faustina's diary (again), teaching me what it really means to love:

"I see that the smallest things done by a soul who loves God sincerely have an enormous value in His holy eyes. And true love is measured by the thermometer of suffering. Jesus I thank you for the little daily crosses..." (#340, 343)

 

When God clearly has too much confidence in you...

When God has more confidence in you than you have in yourself,

He sends you two pink lines instead of one

because double lines leads to double the trust in Him.

When God loves you more than you can comprehend,

He gives you a task you don't think you can handle

because He wants to show you that you can--with Him.

When God gives you a gift you can't unwrap right away,

you simply say "thank you, thank you, thank you"

as you pray and wait to hold that present from above.

P.S. Please pray for me my blogging friends, pray for a healthy baby and for peace for this overwhelmed heart of mine.  I feel like an emotional train-wreck this week (hormones, perhaps?)  Of course I am thrilled with this news, but I'm struggling with the fear of miscarrying again, and also the reality of having 5 children with no family close by.  "Jesus, I trust in You" is perpetually on my lips.  I am due on May 5th, although I typically have my babies a week or more early.  We are all thrilled, and the boys say they are hoping for another boy--which would not surprise me in the least.  I would love having another baby boy, but I sure wouldn't be opposed to buying some pink either!  :)  God's will be done.  Thank you in advance for your prayers!

School Blues?

Today was the 1st day of school for the three older boys, and there was not a blue face in the bunch (only blue shirts).  Dominic was the most excited and was out of bed, hopping down the steps for breakfast at 6:26am (which is unheard of for him...typically he's my sleep-in kid). He was very proud to take his new Helena Brewers backpack, but most of all, he was beaming to be a big school boy like his big brothers.  This mommy was beaming to see them so happy and to know that they are going to a school that shapes not only their minds, but also their souls towards their Savior.

 

Aren't they handsome?

 

 

 

 

Hopefully they will act like perfect gentlemen at school like they always do at home...ha! :)

 

 

I will be prayng for their teachers.

 

Countdown to School



 

School starts this week, so we have been trying to fill the remainding days of summer with all the fun and sun as possible.  Here is a collage of photos from our last day at the beach.  The boys had a blast catching crawdads, digging trenches in the sand, fishing with their friend Alex, throwing rocks in the water, and swimming.  We had a very fun-filled summer, but I can tell the three older boys are eager for school to begin.  Joseph and Michael are ready to play with their classmates again, and Dominic is biting at the bit to start Kindergarten with Mrs. Ahmann (whom he adores...she's a family friend of ours).  It will be very strange for me to have only one little boy at home this year...CRAZY!

 

 



Planks and Pre-Registration

Last week our church had their Vacation Bible School program.  I didn't pre-register my kids for VBS because we were still debating on camping that week, and honestly, I didn't know if I wanted the commitment of running them back and forth every day.  But, after Paul and I discussed it over the weekend, he encouraged me to send the boys---if it wasn't too late to sign them up. 

So, Monday morning (VBS was starting that afternoon) I called the church office and asked if it was too late to sign my boys up.  The secretary said, "No, just come a little early so you can fill out the paperwork."  I was relieved and arrived over a half an hour early to register the boys.  The teenager running the sign-in table greeted me coldly:  "Oh, you're not pre-registered?  Sorry, your kids can't come."  I was a bit stunned.   I kindly explained that I was told this morning that my kids could come.  The flustered teenager found her mother who was the VBS coordinator.  Her mother explained (also a bit coldly) that since I failed to pre-register, the boys could not start today, but they could come back and start tomorrow.  "OK," I replied, as cheery as I could muster and tried to explain the situation to the boys while I was filling out the paperwork.  Dominic was especially troubled.  "But why can't we start today, mom?"  "Well, son, mommy made a mistake and didn't sign you up for VBS last week."  Although I explained things calmly to the boys, inside I was ticked.  I guess I thought the purpose of VBS is to share the gospel, to share God's love with children???  I didn't realize we needed to pre-register to receive the gospel...  I thought the gospel clearly said Jesus' love was free at anytime for anyone?   All day long I stewed over this.  I was even tempted not to send my boys at all, until I humbly realized how I was focusing on the speck in the other person's eye and refusing to see the plank in my own.  First of all, yes, I did fail to follow directions...  I failed to pre-register.  Pre-registration makes it easier for the coordinator to make name tags, organize crafts, snacks, and games, etc.  Secondly, yes, I was treated a bit un-Jesus-like, but I am still called to respond like Jesus.  Which I didn't.  I was judgmental and unforgiving and sarcastic.  I was also reminded how often I make the same mistake that the VBS folks made. How often to I expect people to "pre-register" in my life? If a friend asks me last-minute to babysit so that she can go to an appointment, do I graciously say yes even though it's inconvenient, or do I say no because she didn't give forewarning? Do I invite people over for supper to share a meal and the love of Christ, or do I make excuses and rarely have friends over for supper because my house isn't pristine, my cooking is marginal, and my kids might act imperfect? Do I expect my husband to call even if he's going to be two minutes late from work, or do I lovingly kiss him at the door no matter how late he is or if he failed to call? The list could go on and on... What a good reminder to me to always put on the love of Christ every morning so that I am ready in any circumstance to be His light to all I meet, pre-registered or not! :)

So, long story short...  I did send my kids the following day.  And they loved it.  And they did learn about the Gospel and Jesus' love.  But I think mommy learned the most of all.  ;}

Feast of the Assumption (republished) :}

The Feast of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary is one of my favorite feast days!  We will be attending Mass today at noon, and our Joseph gets the special priveledge this year of being an altar server for this great feast day honoring Our Lady.  I didn't have time to write any new, profound theological thoughts on this often misunderstand dogma concerning the Blessed Mother, so I just dug up this post from the archives for folks to ponder and hopefully be inspired by... :}

Today the Church celebrates the Feast of the Assumption. The dogma of Mary being taken body and soul into heaven is one commonly disputed among Catholics and Protestants today, but not one that was ever really disputed within the Catholic Church since the very beginning. The history of the Church tells us that nearly all theologians embraced this event as truth even before it was pronounced a doctrine. I think the reason it is so hard for many to accept this dogma today is that it is not clearly found in Scripture, and we have become such a "chapter and verse" kind of people. But can our God and His ways only be contained in a book? I think not. It is my opinion that theologians in the earliest Church had a more profound understanding and respect for who Mary was and what her role was in salvation history due to oral traditions and customs originating from the time of the apostles (many of whom are said to have witnessed this miraculous event). I believe Mary was and is "full of grace," spared from sin in order to be the very Mother of God who was chosen to bring our Savior into this world. So how fitting for our God to choose to raise His chosen Mother body and soul to be with Him in Heaven. God can do anything, so why would we doubt this event? After all, Mary wasn't the first or only person he raised in such a way (wasn't Elijah the great prophet taken up to heaven in a similar fashion too? My Old Testament knowledge is rusty, so perhaps there are even more examples of this).

Anyway, for further thought on this special feast, here is an excerpt from the AmericanCatholic.org website that I thought was very interesting:

On November 1, 1950, Pius XII defined the Assumption of Mary to be a dogma of faith: “We pronounce, declare and define it to be a divinely revealed dogma that the immaculate Mother of God, the ever Virgin Mary, having completed the course of her earthly life, was assumed body and soul to heavenly glory.” The pope proclaimed this dogma only after a broad consultation of bishops, theologians and laity. There were few dissenting voices. What the pope solemnly declared was already a common belief in the Catholic Church.

We find homilies on the Assumption going back to the sixth century. In following centuries the Eastern Churches held steadily to the doctrine, but some authors in the West were hesitant. However, by the 13th century there was universal agreement. The feast was celebrated under various names (Commemoration, Dormition, Passing, Assumption) from at least the fifth or sixth century.

Scripture does not give an account of Mary’s Assumption into heaven. Nevertheless, Revelation 12 speaks of a woman who is caught up in the battle between good and evil. Many see this woman as God’s people. Since Mary best embodies the people of both Old and New Testament, her Assumption can be seen as an exemplification of the woman’s victory.

Furthermore, in 1 Corinthians 15:20 Paul speaks of Christ’s resurrection as the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. Since Mary is closely associated with all the mysteries of Jesus’ life, it is not surprising that the Holy Spirit has led the Church to belief in Mary’s share in his glorification. So close was she to Jesus on earth, she must be with him body and soul in heaven.

Quote:

“In the bodily and spiritual glory which she possesses in heaven, the Mother of Jesus continues in this present world as the image and first flowering of the Church as it is to be perfected in the world to come. Likewise, Mary shines forth on earth, until the day of the Lord shall come (cf. 2 Peter 3:10), as a sign of certain hope and comfort for the pilgrim People of God” (Dogmatic Constitution on the Church, 68).