St. Maria Faustina on the Mass

I am still slowly, prayerfully making my way through St. Maria Faustina's Diary.  It has been such a treasure to me, and I find myself constantly underlining passages and feeling convicted to improve the state of my soul.  How I long for St. Faustina's unshakable faith, her natural manner of daily conversing with Christ, her desire to save souls by offering her own suffering for their sake, and her profound love of the Mass.  How often do I take Mass for granted and simply go just for the sake of going?  How often am I more concerned about whether or not my kids are sitting still than the miracle taking place upon the altar?  How often do I feel like I have just survived a marathon by walking Nathanael to and from the back of the church, instead of feeling renewed by the Word of God and the Bread of Life?  Whereas, for St. Faustina, Mass was the absolute pinnacle of her day, she longed for it, she prepared for it, she made every effort to make it to Mass (daily!) even when she was dying of tuberculosis.  Jesus often appeared to St. Faustina during the Mass and shared consoling words and graces with her soul.  Perhaps if my soul were more in-tune with the miracle happening before my eyes, Jesus would send extra consolations and graces to my needy soul.  I think He is always waiting to pour His love and mercy into our hearts, but he has to wait for our hearts to be open to receive His gifts...and quite often we are just too distracted by earthly things or, quite frankly, lukewarm in our love of heavenly things.  Anyway, here is a passage I just underlined that highlights the importance of the Mass according to holy Faustina.  May it inspire you as it inspired me:

"Oh, what awesome mysteries take place during Mass!  With what great devotion should we listen to and take part in this death of Jesus.  One day we will know what God is doing for us in each Mass, and what sort of gift He is preparing in it for us.  Only His divine love could permit that such a gift be provided for us.  O Jesus, my Jesus, with what great pain is my soul pierced when I see this fountain of life gushing forth with such sweetness and power for each soul, while at the same time I see souls withering away and drying up through their own fault.  O Jesus, grant that the power of mercy embrace these souls."  (entry #914)

A Special Thanksgiving for Grandma

This Thanksgiving, my family has something very special to be thankful for:  my grandmother, Bernice Russell, was invited to meet her Savior for a Thanksgiving feast in Heaven!  Grandma passed away peacefully in the middle of the night yesterday, and there is quite a miraculous story to share...  My mom woke up at about 2:00am and couldn't sleep, so she decided to pray.  One of her specific prayers was for my grandma's guardian angel to take her hand and take her home to Jesus because she had suffered enough.  Less than an hour later, the phone rang at my mom and dad's house.  It was grandma's nursing home calling to let my parents know that Bernice had passed away sometime between 2:30am and 3:00am.  Coincidence?  I'll let you decide for yourself.  But I am convinced that God hears our every prayer and honors our specific requests when they are in accordance with His will.  Forever I will treasure the image of my grandma being escorted to heaven by her faithful guardian angel.  What a gift and consolation for our family!

 

My grandma lived a full and happy life of 98 years, with the joy of watching her four children have children of their own, and spending many years enjoying her great-grandchildren who lit up her eyes like nothing else could.  Up until the last few weeks of her life, she kept her wit and her spunk, and she always loved visiting with people about the "good old days".  Grandma passed away due to a tumor found in her lower abdomen, and she was simply too old and frail for the doctors to attempt a surgery.  Thankfully, the good Lord made her suffering very brief, for she died less than 2 weeks from the time the doctors first detected the tumor.  My parents were blessed to spend time with her nearly every day for the past 25 years, and they spent hours and hours holding her hand and praying with her during her final days on this earth.  My mom marvels at how grandma's faith had grown these past few years of her life and is so thankful to have spent countless hours with her talking about spiritual things. The Chaplet of Divine Mercy especially brought much comfort to my parents and my grandma during her final days of suffering, and we are all confident that Jesus poured out his abundant mercy upon my grandma at the hour of her death. 

 

I will miss spending time with my grandma when I go home to South Dakota to visit each summer.  I will miss hearing her stories of being a hair beautician and being married to my grandpa, Charles, who she is now happily reunited with, I'm sure.  I remember when Paul and I were dating, her eyes would get this twinkle and she would say, "Ain't love grand!?"  I will miss her pulling out all of her old paintings and drawings to show me for the 100th time---paintings of famous movie stars and majestic mountains and roses so realistic you could almost smell them.  She had so much artistic talent, and I know I will think of her every time I pull out my paints and brushes and attempt to use some of the talent she passed on to me.  Perhaps most of all, I will miss the way her eyes lit up when I would bring my kids to come see her, and she would say over and over again how handsome and good-natured they were (I'm happy she didn't see much of their not-so-good-natured moments!)  Yes, I will miss her dearly, but I know she will be even closer to me now as I visit with her beyond that ever-so-thin veil between Heaven and Earth, and seek her special intercession.

 

So on this Thanksgiving Day, will you please say a prayer of thanks with me for my grandma's homecoming to heaven, or if she's not quite there yet (meaning, a short stay in purgatory), please offer a prayer for speedy travels for her soul to reach paradise very soon.  Thank you and Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!

 

 Grandma Bernice and Grandpa Charles...a long time ago.

 

 

Grandma Bernice...summer of 2012.

 

Nathanael sharing some chocolate covered raisins with his great-grandma. 

Milestones...

Today is my 16 week milestone, which seems monumental to me for a few reasons:

1. I've made it past the date of my furthest-along miscarriage
2. I'm finally feeling better which naturally makes me happier about being pregnant (and happier, in general, which my family is very thankful for!)
3. I'm starting to feel the baby fluttering around inside which is helping me to finally bond with this sweet little miracle
4. At my appointment last week the nurse scheduled the "big" ultrasound, and I'm thrilled to have that date on my calendar and start counting down the days until we find out what we are having(Dec. 11th in case you're curious).  I think we will take the older boys out of school so that they can come to the ultrasound, meet their new little brother or sister on the screen, and then go out for pink or blue ice cream afterwards to celebrate the gender :) 

 

Here's me getting bigger by the moment it feels like...

 

See, doesn't my belly look even bigger 2 seconds after the first shot was taken?

 

And here's our little man in his big boy underwear!  When Paul was taking my picture, Nathanael wanted to get in the picture too.  Apparently, he is pretty proud of his big milestone:  he stayed dry all day in his big boy underpants---hurray!

Thankful Thursday

• 15 weeks pregnant and FINALLY FEELING BETTER (very, very thankful that my nausea has almost completely disappeared)
• my boys' handsome school pictures to put on my wall
• Dominic learning to behave better at school (no more notes being sent home from his teacher)
• Mass and Confession...grace upon grace...so thankful to be Catholic
• a date with my two older boys to a new restaurant in town
• friends sharing their maternity clothes with me
• afternoon peace and prayer-time
• my "4th Day" Bible study group of women who pray for me and encourage me
• potty training Nathanael (so far going very well)
• boys playing together in the snow (so thankful that they love each other so much and get along so well)
• going to bed early

Nathanael's Happy (but not fancy) Birthday...

On November 10th, we celebrated Nathanael's 2nd birthday.  Can he really be 2 years old?!  Wow, these past two years have gone by so fast, and he has filled them with so much JOY.  My husband and I both marvel from time to time how easy and sweet Nathanael has been since day one.  He has been a good sleeper, a good eater, has a mellow temperament, plays well independently, and is incredibly smart too.  All in all, he is a delight to everyone in our family!  His cute smile and dimpled chin melt my heart daily, and I am so thankful that God blessed us with him in our family. 

 

His party was simple this year, but he was perfectly content with that.  We invited one family over to have supper and celebrate with us.  I told them not to buy anything for a gift, but rather to re-gift an old book or toy that their kids didn't want any more.  They came with 4 FULL BAGS of re-gifted toys!!!  Nathanael was a bit overwhelmed with the sheer number of toys they gave him, and he has been playing with all of them non-stop for the past few days.  With the money his grandparents sent, we bought him a huge dump truck and some new construction truck books.  Even the cake was simple this year, but that seemed OK to Nathanael too.  I am slowly learning to let go of some of my perfectionist tendencies, to simplify and accept that I don't need to always make things fancy.  With 4 kids, you just have to let some things go...like scrapbooking, birthday cards that arrive on time, thank you notes, pristine toilets, elaborate birthday parties, etc...  And you know what?  My kids are just has happy without "fancy."  So anyway, here are some photos of our truck-lovin' 2-year-old at his special, but not-too-fancy, birthday celebration:

 

 

 

Too long unattended...



You know you've left your nearly-two-year-old alone for too long when you happen upon this scene...

 

 

"Hi mom!  I'm just furthering my learning."

 

"Don't worry, mom, I'll help you clean things up!"

a prayer

Most Merciful Jesus,

Today I learned that my country elected a president, for the second time, who condones and promotes evil.  I know that President Obama must grieve Your heart through his unashamed support of abortion, gay marriage and other evils that are contrary to Your truth.  What must offend You even more is that over half of our country voted for him, proclaiming that they believe Obama is right and You, our perfect God who laid down Your life for us, is somehow wrong.  Forgive us, sweet Jesus, for clearly we do not know what we do.  

I feel deep sadness at how our nation is offending You and causing You to relive the pain of your Passion by the way we cling to our sinful ways--the sins that You died to free us from.  I am sorry that our country continues to wound Your loving heart by turning away from the mercy and life-giving truth that You offer.  I simply do not know what else to do except to beg for Your continued mercy to be poured upon our nation so that many souls may be saved before it is too late.  Even though I am one of Your weakest servants, I pray that I may somehow console Your sorrowing heart through my prayers, my humble sacrifices, and my sincere love for You. 

I know You have every right to unleash a just punishment on our nation for choosing a culture of death over Your ways of life and truth, but I do not fear.  I do not fear because even though I know You are the just Judge and a severe punishment may surely come, I also know You are my merciful Savior, and that those who believe in Your mercy will be hidden and protected always inside your most Sacred and loving heart.

Filled with sorrow, but profound trust in You Jesus,
Your loving servant,
~Maria