Loveable and Huggable

I just had to share this adorable picture! Don't you just want to squeeze this precious boy!? After being away from my boys for 4 days, I just can't get enough of them this week. When I saw them at the closing ceremony at my retreat, I just could not stop crying and hugging them. They looked at me like I was a freak, but I couldn't help myself. Someday they will understand why mothers do the crazy things we do :} I'll share more about my retreat experience soon...I'm still processing it all. For now, I'll just say that God exceeded my expectations and I'm overwhelmed with love and gratitude. Our theme was "BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD." I certainly know He is God and He is good more than I ever have before. God made me feel so lovable and huggable during my retreat, which is exactly how I'm feeling about my children and husband this week too. Funny how that works. He filled me with his love, and now I find myself reflecting His love more perfectly.

Bittersweet Birthday

I was in the midst of packing for my retreat today, and suddenly had the bittersweet reminder that tomorrow is the birthday of our baby Frances who left my womb and was welcomed into Heaven a year ago. During my retreat, I'm sure that memory will be hard for me, but hopefully it will remind me that I have 3 beautiful babies up in heaven praying for me and helping me grow closer to Christ. I'm not sure what Heaven will be like, but I sure hope that when I get there I will be able to hold my babies and thank them for all their prayers that they showered upon their mommy while I was on earth. Perhaps God knew I needed their extra prayer support, which is why He took them to Heaven so soon.

"St. Frances, pray for me!

I love you!

Help me love Jesus more and more!"

Deep Thoughts on Humility

Over the past few months, God has been teaching me to grow in the virtue of humility, and I have been a very reluctant student. God has convicted me that I am vain and selfish, but thankfully He has been gently showing me the only way to cure such vices: true humility. A dear high school friend of mine, who is now a priest, once told me that the quickest way to humility is through humiliation. I can now say that I know exactly what he means. I can't say that I've enjoyed the process, but I can now say that I am thankful for the opportunity. Here's a brief synopsis of my petty, but nonetheless real, journey towards humility:

About 6 months ago there must have been a shift of some sort in my hormones because my skin started breaking out with acne like never before. I thought acne was for teenagers, not for 30 year olds!? Anyway, months went by with no improvement and I was really starting to struggle with my self-esteem because of it. As vain and silly as it sounds, I have to admit I spent many hours crying and praying over this small cross. It's funny how sometimes the smallest crosses can seem so huge when you lack the humility and faith to respond rightly. Anyway, I finally went to a dermatologist who told me the only way she could help me was if I was willing to go on birth control. I said "not an option" and continued trying to pray my cross away. More weeks went by, and I finally decided to go to another dermatologist who was extremely compassionate and helpful. She gave me some products that should help clear up the acne without compromising my convictions about contraception. I did have one humiliating bump in the road when the medication that the dermatologist prescribed caused an allergic reaction due to the cleanser I was using. So for about a week I not only had terrible acne, but I also had bumpy, scaly skin from the allergic reaction. It was so bad I couldn't even wear make-up...the horror! I've often prayed that someday I wouldn't have to wear make-up anymore, but this what not exactly what I had in mind. More tears, dying to self, and learning the virtue of humility. But I am happy to report that it's been a few weeks now, and I think I am starting to see some improvement in my skin. But, I have to admit that the real victory is how I have grown in humility on the journey. I no longer shed tears when I look in the mirror, I simply say a prayer of thanksgiving for this humiliating opportunity to grow in holiness, this opportunity to weed vanity out of my soul, this opportunity to share in the suffering of Christ (even though my cross is like a sliver compared to His!). So that's my story. It was humbling for me to share it, but I thought it might help root out some more pride and vanity :) The following prayer has always been a favorite of mine, and it really has been helpful for me on this journey. Perhaps it will be meaningful to you, as well.

LITANY OF HUMILITY

(by: Rafael Cardinal Merry del Val (1865-1930), Secretary of State for Pope Saint Pius X)

O Jesus! Meek and humble of heart, hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed, deliver me Jesus
From the desire of being loved, deliver me Jesus
From the desire of being extolled, deliver me Jesus
From the desire of being honored, deliver me Jesus
From the desire of being praised, deliver me Jesus
From the desire of being preferred, deliver me Jesus
From the desire of being consulted, deliver me Jesus
From the desire of being approved, deliver me Jesus.
From the fear of being humiliated, deliver me Jesus
From the fear of being despised, deliver me Jesus
From the fear of suffering rebukes, deliver me Jesus
From the fear of being calumniated, deliver me Jesus
From the fear of being forgotten, deliver me Jesus
From the fear of being ridiculed, deliver me Jesus
From the fear of being wronged, deliver me Jesus
From the fear of being suspected, deliver me Jesus
That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it
That in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be praised and I unnoticed, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

Retreat Recap

Thank you for showering my husband with prayers this past weekend! Your prayers worked and he came home truly "filled" with extra graces and faith. The boys and I attended the closing ceremony at the retreat, and it was so touching to see such a Spirit-filled group of men! It was also fun to watch the men giving countless hugs to each other as it was time to say good-bye. I don't think Paul has ever been hugged so much in his whole life! For those of you who know my husband, he grew up in a house full of brothers, so hugging is a bit out of his comfort zone :) I am so thankful that Paul said "yes" to this opportunity to grow in his faith and to seek Christian fellowship with other men. He will probably join a prayer group/bible study with a group of the guys, and I think that will help all of them to keep fanning the flames of faith that they received at the retreat. As Jesus said: "I have come to set the world on fire and how I wish it were already ablaze!" (Luke 12:49) Thank you, Lord, for filling my husband with the fire of Your love!

P.S. Now all of you can start praying for me, as I make the Women's Curcillo Retreat this coming weekend! :) I am really looking forward to it and I hope it fans the flames of my faith as it did for my husband.

Cursillo Retreat

My sweet husband is attending a Catholic Men's Retreat (called "Cursillo") this weekend. The Scripture theme for the retreat is "Speak Lord, for your servant is listening." (1 Samuel 3:10) Please help me cover my husband in prayer...that he grows closer to Christ and can hear that still small voice that will help him see God's will and purpose in his life in a deeper way. Thank you!

Recent Eucharistic Miracle

I just came across this amazing article in the National Catholic Register, the most widely read Catholic newspaper, and thought it was worth sharing. I find myself completely awed that the God of the Universe loves us so much that He continues to give us not only His Holy Spirit to guide us, but also His body and blood to feed us (John 6:52-58). In 2003, Paul and I were able to see a Eucharistic miracle in Orvieto, Italy which dated back to the 13th century. Apparently, the priest celebrating the Mass was having doubts about the Real Presence of Jesus in the Eucharist, and when he raised the host in the air, it started to bleed! There are over 130 documented and scientifically studied cases of Eucharistic miracles. The one mentioned in this article below is the most recent I've heard of. The book called "Eucharistic Miracles" by Joan Carroll Cruz is an inspiring collection of many of the most famous Eucharistic miracles. As Catholics we believe that Jesus is always present in the Eucharist, but it's such a blessing when He gives us miracles to help us believe more fully (He must know our human nature so easily doubts! Just like Thomas, we sometimes need to see to believe.) These miracles are beautiful reminders that Jesus is truly present in our world today and wants to fill us with His love and His Real Presence. Thank you, Jesus!

If reports from Poland are true, an alleged Eucharistic miracle that took place a year ago may have merit. According to a Polish blog, the Metropolitan Curia of Bialystok has announced the results of the investigation of an Ecclesial Commission appointed by Archbishop Edward Ozorowski on March 30, 2009.

Father Andrzej Kakareko, Chancellor, writes that on Oct. 12, 2008, a consecrated host fell out of the hands of the priest distributing holy Communion. The priest picked it up and placed it in the vasculum in the tabernacle. After Mass, the vasculum and its contents were transferred to the safe in the sacristy. Seven days later, after opening the safe, a red stain was seen on the host. Ten days after that, the vessel with the host was transferred to the tabernacle in the chapel of the rectory. The next day, the host was removed from the water and placed on the corporal in the tabernacle.

On Jan. 7, 2009, a sample from the host was sent to the University in Bialystok for analysis. According to two medical professionals, professor Maria Sobaniec-Lotowska and professor Stanislaw Sulkowski, the sample, in their opinion, most resembled the myocardial (heart) tissue of a living organism.

While unusual in this day and age, the Church has a long history of Eucharistic miracles. The Vatican International Exhibition’s “Eucharistic Miracles of the World” documents more than 130 worldwide miracles of the Eucharist, demonstrating that Jesus Christ in the Eucharist — body, blood, soul and divinity — continues to make his presence manifest at unique times and places in history.

Perhaps the most famous and well-known, is the Miracle of Lanciano, which occurred about A.D. 750. It bears repeating, as it closely resembles the alleged Polish miracle. During Mass, the celebrant doubted the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist. During the consecration, the host transformed into flesh and blood. Subsequent investigations confirmed the authenticity of the human tissue. An investigation, as late as 1970, found the flesh to be cardiac tissue and the blood to be type AB.

Full article: http://www.ncregister.com/daily/eucharistic_miracle_2009

A Night of Sacrifice

Last night was one of those nights of parental sacrifice. Child #1 woke up in the middle of the night coughing every 3 seconds and needed medicine and extra TLC. Paul was gone on a work trip, so I (stupidly) let Coughing Child snuggle in bed with me. Once he finally stopped coughing on me (an hour or two later), he started snoring so loud that I got evicted out of my own bed. My brain must not fire on all four cylinders in the middle of the night, because I (stupidly) decided to camp out on the floor in the hallway between all three rooms, thinking that was the perfect place to be able to hear any of the children if they woke up. In case you were curious, the floor is no longer comfortable after you turn 30. Did I forget to mention that Child #2 and Child #3 also woke up sometime after my eviction too? One needed to pee, the other had a bad dream. I told Bad Dream Child, "Sorry, my bed's already taken. Go tuck yourself in your own bed again." Apparently, sleeping on the floor sucks all the compassion right out of ya. I might seriously need a nap today, in my own soft, comfortable, bed.