Deep Thoughts on Humility

Over the past few months, God has been teaching me to grow in the virtue of humility, and I have been a very reluctant student. God has convicted me that I am vain and selfish, but thankfully He has been gently showing me the only way to cure such vices: true humility. A dear high school friend of mine, who is now a priest, once told me that the quickest way to humility is through humiliation. I can now say that I know exactly what he means. I can't say that I've enjoyed the process, but I can now say that I am thankful for the opportunity. Here's a brief synopsis of my petty, but nonetheless real, journey towards humility:

About 6 months ago there must have been a shift of some sort in my hormones because my skin started breaking out with acne like never before. I thought acne was for teenagers, not for 30 year olds!? Anyway, months went by with no improvement and I was really starting to struggle with my self-esteem because of it. As vain and silly as it sounds, I have to admit I spent many hours crying and praying over this small cross. It's funny how sometimes the smallest crosses can seem so huge when you lack the humility and faith to respond rightly. Anyway, I finally went to a dermatologist who told me the only way she could help me was if I was willing to go on birth control. I said "not an option" and continued trying to pray my cross away. More weeks went by, and I finally decided to go to another dermatologist who was extremely compassionate and helpful. She gave me some products that should help clear up the acne without compromising my convictions about contraception. I did have one humiliating bump in the road when the medication that the dermatologist prescribed caused an allergic reaction due to the cleanser I was using. So for about a week I not only had terrible acne, but I also had bumpy, scaly skin from the allergic reaction. It was so bad I couldn't even wear make-up...the horror! I've often prayed that someday I wouldn't have to wear make-up anymore, but this what not exactly what I had in mind. More tears, dying to self, and learning the virtue of humility. But I am happy to report that it's been a few weeks now, and I think I am starting to see some improvement in my skin. But, I have to admit that the real victory is how I have grown in humility on the journey. I no longer shed tears when I look in the mirror, I simply say a prayer of thanksgiving for this humiliating opportunity to grow in holiness, this opportunity to weed vanity out of my soul, this opportunity to share in the suffering of Christ (even though my cross is like a sliver compared to His!). So that's my story. It was humbling for me to share it, but I thought it might help root out some more pride and vanity :) The following prayer has always been a favorite of mine, and it really has been helpful for me on this journey. Perhaps it will be meaningful to you, as well.

LITANY OF HUMILITY

(by: Rafael Cardinal Merry del Val (1865-1930), Secretary of State for Pope Saint Pius X)

O Jesus! Meek and humble of heart, hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed, deliver me Jesus
From the desire of being loved, deliver me Jesus
From the desire of being extolled, deliver me Jesus
From the desire of being honored, deliver me Jesus
From the desire of being praised, deliver me Jesus
From the desire of being preferred, deliver me Jesus
From the desire of being consulted, deliver me Jesus
From the desire of being approved, deliver me Jesus.
From the fear of being humiliated, deliver me Jesus
From the fear of being despised, deliver me Jesus
From the fear of suffering rebukes, deliver me Jesus
From the fear of being calumniated, deliver me Jesus
From the fear of being forgotten, deliver me Jesus
From the fear of being ridiculed, deliver me Jesus
From the fear of being wronged, deliver me Jesus
From the fear of being suspected, deliver me Jesus
That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it
That in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be praised and I unnoticed, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.