Thankful Thursday

• fresh, hot cheesy fries at our local ski hill
• a girl's night out "On Broadway"  ("On Broadway" is a fancy restaurant in town and it's quite a treat to go there)
• learning how to love better, slowly but surely
• Michael's new "rainbow smile" and the way he is braving the pain of braces
• Perkin's fresh baked pies--a dessert surprise to share with my husband
• afternoon quiet time to catch up on emails, chores, and prayers
• an inspiring new book:  "40 Days for Life:  Discover What God Has Done...Imagine What He Can Do"
• continued potty trainging success
• a day with no tears
• making a cord rosary for a cousin who is hurting
• the joy on Joseph's and Michael's faces and their rosy cheeks after skiing in the cold
• alone-time when I know that I'm not alone--Jesus is near
• God's protection in the parking lot of ShopKo when I was approached by a very disturbed man
• Michael forgiving his scatter-brained mommy who forgot to pack his swim clothes for P.E.
• sunshine on my face and a purring cat by my side while I pray on the couch in the afternoon
• fresh bread from my bread machine, served with hot tomato basil soup for "meatless Friday"
• skis, all lined up in a kaleidascope of colors, soaking in the sunshine

Ski Club Graduates

This weekend was the final day of the All Mountain Ski Club for our older boys at the Great Divide Ski Hill.  Eight Saturdays of fun on the slopes, with a private instructor teaching them how to become better skiers, while covering nearly every run on the entire ski hill.  Joseph used a yellow highlighter on his ski map to color in each new run that he went on every week, and basically the whole map is neon yellow now.  This was the boys second year in the Ski Club, and I am amazed at how good they became so fast.  They can now ski on any terrain, and they think double black diamonds are the only runs worth skiing (yes, they have become slightly overconfident punks in my opinion...but perhaps I'm just jealous since I can only ski greens and blues!)  They absolutely loved every minute of their time on the slopes.  Bitter cold temperatures and blustery winds never seemed to dampen their fun.  Paul got to spend many hours on the slopes with them this year, since I had to take a hiatus to protect our little bun in the oven (yes, I was a bit bitter about this, but I'm getting over it!) :}  I am looking forward to next year when I can ski with the boys again instead of just being their photographer :)  Here are some photos of my handsome skiers...

Joseph looking cool and confident, ready to hit the slopes for the last time at the Great Divide Ski Hill.

 

 

Michael our sweet-looking but speedy and fearless little skier.

 

 

Joseph and Michael with their best ski buddy, Alex, waiting to receive their Ski Club diplomas.

 

Michael and Alex were in the same group in the Ski Club, so they got to spend extra time handing out on the slopes and in the lodge.

 

One of the best parts about Ski Club was the tasty cheesy fries and soda that the boys usually had for lunch (this was mommy's favorite part BY FAR!)

 

 

Cold snow and hot fries make the perfect combination according to Michael.

 

 

Thanks, Great Divide Ski Hill, for another great season of skiing and learning for my boys!  We'll see you again next year!!!

 



Chocolates, Crazy Socks and a Kalanchoe plant

 

So what do chocolates, crazy socks and a kalanchoe plant have in common? They are all symbols of my husband's love.

 

 

 

My sweet husband brought home those three gifts this Valentine's day, and I think it was one of the most special Valentine's days that I can recall. And the amazing part was that it really wasn't my husband's gifts to me that made it memorable. What made it special was my attitude this year.

 

 

 

Although I hate to admit it, gifts is one of my top love languages; plus, I am a mushy romantic with unrealistically high expectations, and that usually spells D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R on Valentine's day. Well, this year, I decided to have ZERO expectations and to simply focus on lavishing love on my husband instead--to speak his love language rather than silently expecting him to speak mine, and then not-so-silently resenting him when my expectations aren't met. And truly, isn't that is what love is supposed to be? Placing your beloved's desires above your own...sacrificing self and finding joy in making others joy-filled instead. And shock of shocks...it works!
 

I started my husband's day with a love note and a small gift that he found in his car. I cooked a fancy supper with expensive steak (which I rarely buy because I'm so cheap), butter-sauted mushrooms, and fried red and yellow peppers on the side (which I rarely buy because I detest peppers). I used our fancy china and our once-a-year white tablecloth, and our wedding candle as the centerpiece. I filled wine glasses for everyone, using grape juice for the kids and a sweet red wine for Paul and I. And then for dessert, I made pumpkin pie with vanilla ice cream. It was so much fun to serve and not be served.

I was already filled with joy without receiving a single gift from my husband. The fact that he showered me with thought-filled gifts anyway was simply a bonus (a very nice bonus!). I was touched that Paul remember that I prefer a real plant rather than fresh-cut flowers like roses. To me, roses are just too unoriginal, plus they die so fast. In contrast, a flowering plant I can enjoy for months (or even years), andI can recall each time I water it how loved I felt when I received it. My husband also remembered how much I like fun, colorful socks. My feet are always cold, so I just love wearing warm socks---and the brighter they are, the better! He chose a perfect variety: one pair of ski socks for me to wear next year when I can finally hit the slopes again, one pair of warm wool socks with stripes, and one pair of great hiking socks in my favorite shade of blue. And, of course, he knows that I always am craving chocolate but am too cheap to ever buy fancy chocolates for myself. How fun to be spoiled without expecting it!

I hope I can remember this lesson for next Valentine's day---and every day:

lavish love on others + expect nothing in return = JOY 



Thankful Thursday

• my husband's warmth next to me at night
• new play-do, soft and squishy fun
• Nathanael's vocabulary and constant cute chatter
• no sickness in our house during this cold and flu season (yet)
• a new rotary cutter blade, and the therapeutic feeling of cutting squares of fabric
• my six year old that still likes to snuggle
• Joseph's joy at having a sleepover with a best bud
• the sound of boys having a Nerf battle
• listening to Natey sing himself to sleep
• Michael getting an A on his science fair project
• potty training victories (1 BM at a time)
• a picture perfect ultrasound
• a new book that my husband and I are reading together as an at-home retreat ("Consoling the Heart of Jesus" by Fr. Michael Gaitley)
• toddler buns in big boy underwear
• a rare but wonderful afternoon nap
• treasuring my one-on-one time with Nathanael because I know it will soon be gone with the arrival of #5
• the fact that the boys' school does the Morning Offering, the Angelus, and the Act of Contrition over the loud speaker every day
• dollar store treasures that keep Natey entertained for hours
• blowing bubbles in the bathtub for the boys
• marital victories--sweet moments of feeling in love again
• a gift of sunshine yellow roses to brighten my heart and my living room (Thanks, Rachel!)
• boys building with blocks and being proud of their handiwork
• Nathanael's cute attempt to genuflect at Mass, watching him learn to love the Eucharistic Lord

Maria's Marriage Strategy 1-2-3

Well, as you can tell from my last post, marriage for me is something that requires some extra work, time, and prayer in order for it to flourish and glorify the Lord.  I tend to envy couples with seemingly twitterpated marriages, but I need to remind myself that God has chosen my marriage as my personal path towards sanctification.  God knew this marriage would be the best one for my soul because it is teaching me how to choose sacrificial love, not necessarily the feeling kind of love.  I remember my mom telling me when I got married that "Love is a choice, not a feeling.''  I feel like I've read every marriage self-help book ever written to help me learn how to choose to love (and secretly hoping that the feelings would increase too).  Some of the books have been helpful, others have not, but for the most part I just can't seem to follow all of the advice in them because there is just too much advice.  So, I've decided to write my own marriage self-help strategy...a very simple one...and see if I can stick to it to improve my marriage (with the help of God's grace, of course!).  Like St. Therese the Little Flower, I feel like I am a very little soul, so I need a very little strategy to follow.  :)  I am really going to try to stick to this strategy, especially during the upcoming 40 days of Lent, so that it can become a habit instead of a fleeting resolution.

 Maria's Marriage Stategy 1-2-3:

1. PRAY---take a few moments to pray specifically for my husband's needs (his holiness, his health, his job, and perhaps even ask him what he would like me to pray for)
2. AFFIRM---give my husband at least one compliment each day, affirming that I respect who he is and that I am thankful for something he has done
3. TOUCH---reach out to my husband in some way physically to let him know I care (a kiss as he heads to work, a welcome-home-hug, a back massage, holding his hand in the car, or something more intimate even if I don't necessary feel like it)

Once per day, I need to try to do each of these 3 simple tasks for my husband...and then let God do the rest!  Pray for me, and I will pray that perhaps this simple strategy will bless other marriages too.

Is God's Love Enough?

With blogging, sometimes I worry about sharing too much.  I hem and haw about posting things that would truly reveal who I am instead of who I want people to think I am (if that makes sense).  But, at the same time, the people I like the most and learn the most from are those who are "real," those who share their weaknesses and admit their struggles, because those people remind me that I am not alone, and this gives me courage to carry my cross along side them.  Well, today's post reveals the real me.  The me that cries a lot.  The me that is selfish.  The me that is needy for love.  The me who doesn't have a perfect marriage.  The me who cried myself to sleep the other night because I felt lonely and unloved.  My husband was away on a long work trip, and even if he was home, I knew I would still feel lonely, and that is what really made me cry.  As my pillow became wet with tears, I suddenly had the image of Jesus holding me come into my mind.  I don't know if He put the thought there or if it was my own active imagination, but it comforted me.  I felt like Jesus was embracing me and tenderly saying, "It's OK.  Rest your head upon My heart.  My love is enough."  And then I fell asleep.

Can God's love really be enough?  I think I know the answer, but the real me has not been living the answer.  I often look for love everywhere other than the Source.  Yes, the real me is a mess--both spiritually and emotionally--and I have been for quite some time.  Perhaps I am just going through some hormonal changes...perhaps I'm clinically depressed and need happy pills...perhaps marriage counceling would help...or perhaps I just need to trust that Jesus is enough to make me happy.  Something needed to change, which is why I started receiving Spiritual Direction from a very holy priest a couple of months ago.  I figured it was a good place to start.  People who know me always say how happy and "together" I seem all the time, and even how saintly.  How thankful I am that they can't see the messy and murky state of my soul!  Spiritual direction has helped me to truly examine myself and find the source of my messiness, rather than trying to blame it on someone else and having a grand old pity party that suffocates the joy my soul longs for.  So far, Spiritual Direction has led me to a a couple of epiphanies that are very humbling for me to admit, but perhaps admitting my weaknesses will help me find more clarity and healing, and perhaps help others carry their crosses too.

The first epiphany I had is that I have always excelled at everything I have done in my life---until I became a wife.  During my school years, I was good at every sport I tried, I was gifted in music and art, and academically I was always at the tippity-top of my class.  Even at the private university I attended, I maintained a 4.0, and I had high hopes of doing something amazing with my life.  For awhile I dreamed of being a nun and becoming a great saint, then my vision shifted to becoming a doctor of some kind, and then I received a very clear calling from the Lord after a pilgrimage to Medjugorje that I was to become a wife and mother.  Being an accomplished perfectionist and a hopeless romantic, I embraced this calling with zeal and began my pursuit of being the perfect wife to my husband Paul.  My expectations were so high, that it is no wonder that I began to feel like a failure soon after the honeymoon was over.  Marriage was the first endeavor that I failed at, and this was crushing to my Type A/4.0 spirit.  Why did I fail so miserably at marriage?  Well, the simple answer is that I am selfish.  Which leads me to my second epiphany...

The second epiphany I had is that I have always felt very loved my entire life---until I became a wife.  I know that sounds strange, and let me immediately clarify that I am not blaming this on my husband.  He is an amazing and holy man.  He loves me, I love him, and I would never want anyone to think anything but the very best of him.  The problem lies within myself.  Like I said earlier, my whole life I had always been good at everything I did, and I had also always been showered with love and affection from every direction.  My parents loved me (and perhaps even spoiled me since I was the only girl); my three older brothers teased me constantly which made me feel loved; my teachers praised me and made me feel exceptionally gifted; I was surrounded by loving, supportive friends; and I even had a boyfriend or two who pampered me with poetry and put me on a pedestal that I frankly didn't deserve to be on.  In short, I felt very loved my entire life, I liked feeling that way, and I expected to feel even more magically loved when I got married.  Well, it didn't quite turn out that way, and I am beginning to see God's merciful and loving hand in choosing my spouse.  Paul loves me, he serves me daily, and I know he would die for me if needed.  However, he doesn't love me the way I selfishly want to be loved.  He doesn't write me poems, doesn't romance me, doesn't put me on a pedestal (although I think he would like to put me in a tree stand during hunting season). :)  Over and over again this has broken my selfish heart.  It has made me bitter, sad, and frankly, not a very good wife.  For my selfish and immature heart, it was nearly impossible to love and serve my husband when I didn't feel loved by him.  Not exactly a recipe for a happily ever after marriage.

The good news is that over these 12 years of marriage, God has slowly been breaking that selfish heart of mine and replacing it with His perfect heart.  Heart transplants are painful and I have been a very poor patient, but I think I finally have the faith to trust my Physician.  During these past few months I have started to feel a change in my heart taking place.  I've shed a lot of tears.  I've caught a glimpse of my miserable sinfulness.   I've felt the grace of mercy.  I've argued with God and tried to trade my cross in for a different one.  I've had a pity party or two.  But spiritual direction has helped reveal the real me to myself so that I can focus on changing ME instead of wishing others would change or my circumstances would change.  Spiritual Direction is also teaching me to listen to God's voice by taking time to be quiet every day.  In the silence I have heard God whispering to my heart that I don't need to be a perfect wife, only a loving and humble wife.  And even when I don't feel loved by my spouse, His perfect love will be enough---if I let it and stop looking elsewhere.

What Grandmas and Grandpas Do Best

WHAT GRANDMAS AND GRANDPAS DO BEST:

1.) Rescue their daughter when her husband is away

2.) Snuggle and play with their grandkids

3.) Patiently let their grandkids show them how to play iPad games 

4.)  Teach their grandkids old-fashioned fun like setting puzzles

5.)  Buy crafts for their grandkids and then have fun watching them be crafty

6.) Play with playdo for hours to make a 2-year-old very happy

7.)  Help turn a pile of hole-filled kids' jeans into a fun project...

Now I have piles of quilt squares to make a blue jean blanket

for each of the boys someday out of their old pants.

My mom is always my motivator to turn my messes into crafty creations!

Thanks Grandma and Grandpa for what you do best...

helping,
playing,
praying,

loving,

sacrificing,
encouraging,
inspiring,

and so much more!