My Real Life...and some tips for real joy



In the blogging world, it's so easy to post pretty pictures and paint your life to appear perfect.  I know I fall into that trap sometimes when I post the highlights of our family events (after all, if I posted the lowlights and the reality of my daily chaos, what would people think of me?! Gasp!)  But today I want to remind myself and my readers how far from perfect my life is.  I feel inadequate and uncomfortable around people who seem to "have it all together."  In fact, people like that annoy me, so perhaps that is why I'm so adamant that no one thinks I'm one of them...  So let me set the record straight...  :)

Daily I struggle to find joy.  Daily I struggle to serve my husband.  Daily I struggle to be patient with my children.  Daily I struggle to wake up in the morning with a smile.  I'm not a cheery morning person; in fact, I sleep in until I'm forced to wake up by necessity (aka Nathanael).  Daily I feel like I'm failing in my vocation...

For example, having my boys home this summer has been sweet in so many ways, but it also has been a constant reminder how much more virtue-training I need to be doing with them.  I usually only blog about my boys when I'm bragging about how great they are or when I want to post pictures of how handsome they are.  No one wants to read about the reality of how often they bicker and whine and choose to be selfish.  No one needs to know that one son has a habit of lying and another who throws a fit when he looses a game. Nor would I want to capture their moments of ugly behavior on my camera to share with the world...  But that doesn't mean it's not part of our home.  Pride often prevents me from blogging about my failures as a wife or a mother, but perhaps being honest would actually be encouraging to others who are also struggling to be better wives, mothers, saints.  So here's more honest examples of some recent challenges... 

Last week I had high hopes of potty training our almost-2-year-old. I felt he was ready for all the textbook reasons; plus, I had potty-trained 3 other boys and felt like I knew what I was doing. It turned out to be a complete failure.  Completely.  That same almost-two-year old has also learned how to throw some dandy tantrums and likes to throw toys at anyone nearby. Nice. Sure makes playdates exciting (and embarassing for mommy).  But honestly I think he learned how to throw tantrums from me...  The other day I completely lost my temper in the car when my boys were complaining that Wendy's messed up our fast food order and, heaven forbid, we'd have to share since we were one sandwich short.  I sarcatically yelled to those little souls sitting behind me in the car, "Well, I guess I'll go without a sandwich since I'm the only only who knows how to sacrifice in this family."  Great demonstration of humble, joyful sacrifice for my kids, wasn't it?  Yes, sometimes it's the little things that turn mommy into a witch.  Thankfully, it's also the little things that can turn us into saints if we win those little, constant spiritual battles.  I read in St. Faustina's diary that she used to keep track of her spiritual victories and defeats each day.  For example, her dairy noted 86 victories, 3 defeats on Monday...64 victories, 5 defeats on Tuesday...etc.  If I kept score of my spiritual battles, I think my diary would have those numbers completely reversed...  Humbling.  Yes, my soul has lots to work on.   I thank God for his mercy and the sacraments of the Eucharist and Reconciliation which restore the graces that seem to leak from soul on a daily basis...

Well, while I'm honest, I might as well share with you that as a perfectionist and a hopeless romantic, I go through periods of what Anne Shirley would call "the depth of despair" when I find my marriage to be less than perfect and far from romantic.  It is such a struggle for me to pull myself out of the pit of sadness and bitterness that I fall into time and time again.  It's a challenge for me to serve my husband when all I really want to do is punish him with the silent treatment until he reads my mind and loves me the way I want to be loved.  Yes, sometimes I'm that immature.  I'm a spoiled brat trying to learn how to carry my cross without getting a sliver.  If you haven't figured it out yet, the reason I post those "Thankful Thursday" lists is because it is such a struggle for me most days to be thankful about anything.  My personality tends to wallow in what is wrong and wish things were different rather than embracing the abundant gifts that I have within my reach right now.

Anyway, I know I'm rambling, but I just wanted to give some examples of my weaknesses and the daily chaos of my life just in case I've given the false impression that I live a fairytale.  So I'll shut-up now and show a few recent photos I've taken with some tips on how to win more battles for joy, since I obviously need help in that area! :)

1)  START YOUR DAY WITH COFFEE AND GOOD CREAMER



2)  SEEK OUT NEW TREASURES (i.e. tadpoles)

3)  LAUGH OUT LOUD

4)  LIFE IS FRAGILE, SO LIVE EVERY MOMENT FULLY

5) SOAK IN SOME SUNSHINE

6) HAVE FUN WITH FRIENDS

7) TAKE A HIKE

8) PICK SOME FLOWERS

9) GET DIRTY

10) FIND BEAUTY AMONG THE WEEDS

Thankful Thursday: Summer Edition

• classic books on tape to happily entertain our whole family for 24 round trip hours in the car:  "Johnny Tremain" by Esther Forbes, and "Little House on the Prairie" by Laura Ingalls Wilder
• 4 great little sleepers in the hotel room at Miles City
• a husband who reaches for my hand while driving
• four boys who bravely love the water
• learning that suffering is the best fertilizer to produce fruit in my soul
• a renovated blog allowing me to post larger pictures
• Jesus speaking to me through this book:  "The Diary of St. Faustina"
• the feel of buzzed cut hair on my Michael
• a midnight snack with Nathanael sitting on my kitchen floor
• double dating with Dann and Rachel
• napping next to Nathanael in the camper, listening to his peaceful breathing, filling me with peace
• the sight of mountain layers, each dimming to a lighter shade of blue in the distance
• the quick healing of Nathanael's bee sting--thankful our camping trip was not spoiled
• the boys finally catching fish in Montana---resulting in fresh trout for supper
• Michael eager to learn how to fillet a fresh cut-throat trout;  Daddy willing to teach him
• friends willing to babysit so my baby doesn't have to melt at Dominic's Little League game
• boys catching garter snakes and flinging them into the lake

Overdue Happy Birthday

Our sweet Dominic celebrated his 6th Birthday on July 15th.  That little boy has been waiting to turn six since the day after he turned 5 it seems!  He was simply beaming with joy all day on his birthday, especially when his friends started showing up for his special party.  We kept the party simple, but it still turned out to be simply delightful.  Dominic wanted to have a water balloon war with his friends, which was very fitting since the temperature was in the 90s.  One funny moment in the party was when Paul came up to me while I was taking pictures of the fun, and with a mischievous smile he put his arm around me and smooshed a water balloon all over my back.  In retaliation, I yelled to all the kids holding water balloons and told them to bombard Mr. Hurlbert.  That happily obliged.  And I happily captured it on camera.  The party ended with pizza from Domino's Pizza (how fitting), chips, juice, and a Dairy Queen ice cream cake for dessert.  It doesn't get any easier or better than that.

Here's Dominic surrounded by girls and ice cream cake...it doesn't get any better than that for a boy, does it?  :)

Happy (belated) Birthday, sweet Dominic!  Daddy and I love you more than all the whales in the ocean multiplied by the number of krill they eat!  :)

Scenes from South Dakota

We just spent nearly two jam-packed-with-fun weeks in South Dakota visiting family.  We go home once a year every summer.  It's funny how I still call South Dakota "home."  When does your current residence earn the title of home and replace the home of your youth?  Perhaps that question is answered differently for different people, but for me, I think "home" will always be South Dakota. 

I love going home (everything, that is, except the 12 hour drive to get there).  I love walking through my parent's door and knowing I can take my entire load off and not worry about a thing while I'm there.  I love watching my mom and dad play with my kids constantly, whether it's playing a game of cards, or taking them fishing, or giving the littlest ones a bath.  I love having all my brothers come into town with their kids and seeing the cousins reacquaint.  I love having coffee or dinner with my old friends who still live in Aberdeen and sharing from the heart as if we saw each other every day.  I love going out to Richmond Lake and watching my kids swim in the same algae-filled-green water that I swam in.  I love taking my kids to Storybook Land and watching them climb the castle steps or push the Jack and the Beanstalk button that does the scary recording of the giant saying "Fe Fi Fo Fum..."  I used to push that button so many times as a kid that I'm surprised the battery still works! I even love unloading my mom's dishwasher because that was always my chore growing up.  I love seeing my mom reading or praying in her "prayer corner" and seeing my dad laying on his bed watching the evening news.  You'd think it's great that there's so much that I love about home, but loving it so much makes is so hard leave. Thankfully, there are so many things and people and places that I love in Montana too, but still, it would be nice if I could somehow move Montana closer to South Dakota!  Until that happens, I guess I will just have to focus on being thankful while I'm home, and thankful still when I am away.

And now let's leave those melancholy thoughts behind and cheer up with this plethora of pixels! :)  Sorry there are so many pictures, but I just couldn't narrow down the highlights any fewer than these...

Dominic and I trying to drench the other cousins!

The war of the bumper boats was a blast!

Joseph thought he was very cool sitting by cool uncle Jon!

Michael felt pretty special as daddy's sidekick!

Mini-golf was definitely a highlight!

Everybody loves the Storybook Land train!

Baby Evan loved his 1st train ride with Grandpa Pat and Grandma Theresa.

Jon and Debbie loved having so many willing hands to hold their little guy!

The annual piano recital gets better every year as the kids improve their skills.  The cousins practice hard all year in order to receive a new trophy from Grandma Theresa!

Nathanael loved playing at many of the different parks in town, even in the humid, hot South Dakota weather!

He also loved the carousel ride at Storybook Land...

and he loved putting rocks in Grandma's bird bath!

The older boys loved going on a fishing adventure with Grandpa Pat and Grandpa Dick!

Joseph showing off his big walleye... 

He also caught a fiesty Northern Pike, but Grandpa said they are too bony to eat so it got thrown back in the river.

Michael could have fished all day, every day if he had the choice.  He is just like his Grandpa Pat.

Dominic was a great little angler too!

One of Michael's highlights was beating Grandma Theresa in lots of card games!

Michael and his brothers also loved the local waterpark!

Nathanael says, "Who needs a waterpark when my aunt and uncle live at the lake?"

Dominic ready to go tubing behind Uncle Mike's jet ski!  That boy doesn't have a fearful bone in his body!

We visited Great Grandma Bernice a few times and brightened her day with Nathanael's antics.  He loved sharing chocolate covered raisins with her.  Great Grandma is nearing 100 years old, so each time we get to see her is truly a gift!

We also took the kids to the cemetery, along with their cousins on Paul's side of the family, so that they could visit with their Grandpa Hollis. 

The beautiful statue of Hollis near his tombstone is a constant reminder of what a gentle, holy, and witty man he was...

May he pray for our boys and help them to become true gentlemen like he was.

Romans 5:3 was Grandpa Hollis' favorite verse...

words to live by until we meet him again in heaven.

St. Faustina on Suffering

I am currently reading "The Diary of St. Maria Faustina Kowalska."  Oh, what a treasure it has been for my soul!  I feel as if God wanted me to read it at this exact time in my life.  Jesus appeared to St. Faustina numerous times and was constantly giving her messages to help her grow in holiness---consequently, to help the world grow in holiness.  Much of Jesus' words to St. Faustina focus on the gift of God's mercy and the fruitfulness of suffering.  I feel as if I am going through a period of suffering right now, very minor to what Faustina and many saints suffered, but listening to how these saints bore so much spiritual fruit through their trials truly gives me hope. 

Many people are familiar with the "Chaplet of Divine Mercy" and the famous portrait of Jesus with the rays of mercy streaming from His Sacred Heart.  Both of those were given to us by visions that St. Faustina had of our Lord.  Jesus told her, "I am sending you with My mercy to the people of the whole world.  I do not want to punish mankind, but I desire to heal it, pressing it to My merciful Heart.  You are the secretary of My Mercy."  How thankful I am that St. Faustina obeyed Jesus' words and recorded His messages to benefit my soul and countless others. Here are some excerpts that recently touched my soul:

Every morning during mediation, I prepare myself for the whole day's struggle.  Holy Communion assures me that I will win the victory; and so it is.  I fear the day when I do not receive Holy Communion. This Bread of the Strong gives me all the strength I need to carry on my mission and the courage to do whatever the Lord asks of me.  The courage and strength that are in me are not of me, but of Him who lives in me--it is the Eucharist.  (entry 91 in St. Faustina's diary)

During Holy Mass, I saw the Lord Jesus nailed upon the cross amidst great torments.  A soft moan issued from His Heart.   After some time, He said to me, "I thirst.  I thirst for the salvation of souls.  Help Me, My daughter, to save souls.  Join your sufferings to My Passion and offer them to the heavenly Father for sinners.  (entry 1032)

When I see that the burden is beyond my strength, I do no consider or analyze it or probe into it, but I run like a child to the Heart of Jesus and say only one word to Him:  "You can do all things."  And then I keep silent, because I know that Jesus Himself will intervene in the matter, and as for me, instead of tormenting myself, I use that time to love Him. (entry 1033)

These words remind me to offer up my small crosses to Jesus who taught us the profound merit of suffering.  As Christians I think we often fall into the fallible mindset that Christ did all the suffering for us, and if we believe in Him our lives should be void of much suffering.  However, the longer I walk on my faith journey the more convinced I am that Jesus suffered not only to save us, but also to teach us that the way of the cross is the way toward our crown.  St. Faustina's words also re-convict my heart to seek Jesus more often in the Eucharist so that I may be united in the closest way to His Sacred Heart.  The Eucharist will fill me with all the grace I need to persevere through my trials and help me share His love and mercy with others too!  What a gift we Catholics have in the Eucharist and in the examples of the saints!

When your marriage needs a boost...

...go BOWLING!!!

Seriously, just go put on those sexy bowling shoes,

...pick out a hot pink ball,

...embarrass your husband by taking photos of him with a pastel purple ball,

...beat him in 2 out of 3 games,

...then tell him he's a very handsome loser,

...and then hopefully he'll take you out for dessert,

and your marriage will be so much sweeter!

Sidenote:  Paul and I very rarely go out on dates since we live so far away from family, but every time we do miraculously go out, we are reminded how wonderful and important it is!  We were blessed last week with an overnight date while we were visiting my parents in South Dakota.  We ate at a great restaurant, went bowling with the whole bowling alley all to ourselves (that only happens in small town South Dakota!), then went out for drinks and dessert afterwards.  The best part was that we reserved the same hotel room that we had on our wedding night, which of course brought back many sweet memories...but I'll spare you those details! :)  Even though Paul and I know how much our marriage needs these special date nights, we are at a loss for how to make it happen on a regular basis.  If any of you have any tips, please share them!