For example, having my boys home this summer has been sweet in so many ways, but it also has been a constant reminder how much more virtue-training I need to be doing with them. I usually only blog about my boys when I'm bragging about how great they are or when I want to post pictures of how handsome they are. No one wants to read about the reality of how often they bicker and whine and choose to be selfish. No one needs to know that one son has a habit of lying and another who throws a fit when he looses a game. Nor would I want to capture their moments of ugly behavior on my camera to share with the world... But that doesn't mean it's not part of our home. Pride often prevents me from blogging about my failures as a wife or a mother, but perhaps being honest would actually be encouraging to others who are also struggling to be better wives, mothers, saints. So here's more honest examples of some recent challenges...
Last week I had high hopes of potty training our almost-2-year-old. I felt he was ready for all the textbook reasons; plus, I had potty-trained 3 other boys and felt like I knew what I was doing. It turned out to be a complete failure. Completely. That same almost-two-year old has also learned how to throw some dandy tantrums and likes to throw toys at anyone nearby. Nice. Sure makes playdates exciting (and embarassing for mommy). But honestly I think he learned how to throw tantrums from me... The other day I completely lost my temper in the car when my boys were complaining that Wendy's messed up our fast food order and, heaven forbid, we'd have to share since we were one sandwich short. I sarcatically yelled to those little souls sitting behind me in the car, "Well, I guess I'll go without a sandwich since I'm the only only who knows how to sacrifice in this family." Great demonstration of humble, joyful sacrifice for my kids, wasn't it? Yes, sometimes it's the little things that turn mommy into a witch. Thankfully, it's also the little things that can turn us into saints if we win those little, constant spiritual battles. I read in St. Faustina's diary that she used to keep track of her spiritual victories and defeats each day. For example, her dairy noted 86 victories, 3 defeats on Monday...64 victories, 5 defeats on Tuesday...etc. If I kept score of my spiritual battles, I think my diary would have those numbers completely reversed... Humbling. Yes, my soul has lots to work on. I thank God for his mercy and the sacraments of the Eucharist and Reconciliation which restore the graces that seem to leak from soul on a daily basis...
Well, while I'm honest, I might as well share with you that as a perfectionist and a hopeless romantic, I go through periods of what Anne Shirley would call "the depth of despair" when I find my marriage to be less than perfect and far from romantic. It is such a struggle for me to pull myself out of the pit of sadness and bitterness that I fall into time and time again. It's a challenge for me to serve my husband when all I really want to do is punish him with the silent treatment until he reads my mind and loves me the way I want to be loved. Yes, sometimes I'm that immature. I'm a spoiled brat trying to learn how to carry my cross without getting a sliver. If you haven't figured it out yet, the reason I post those "Thankful Thursday" lists is because it is such a struggle for me most days to be thankful about anything. My personality tends to wallow in what is wrong and wish things were different rather than embracing the abundant gifts that I have within my reach right now.
1) START YOUR DAY WITH COFFEE AND GOOD CREAMER
2) SEEK OUT NEW TREASURES (i.e. tadpoles)
3) LAUGH OUT LOUD
4) LIFE IS FRAGILE, SO LIVE EVERY MOMENT FULLY
5) SOAK IN SOME SUNSHINE
6) HAVE FUN WITH FRIENDS
7) TAKE A HIKE
8) PICK SOME FLOWERS
9) GET DIRTY
10) FIND BEAUTY AMONG THE WEEDS
Maria, I love this post! I have to tell you, in the few short years I have known you, you look like one of those perfect people. When I see you in the parking lot at school, I always think, “I want to dress as classy as she does.” Alas, I wake up in the morning and think, “Hum, today I am going for comfort.” Spending time with you I think, “I want her calming spirit, deep faith, and happy smile.” I do succeed some days.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I know “looks” aren’t everything and we all have our rough spots that need polishing. You are spot on with how we want the world to see us. I find in my blog and on facebook I tend to be too put together. We do need to show our troubles, but immediately show how to change that or show how in spite of it we can still have joy through Christ. I know one thing I know my whiny daughter adores your less than perfect (I mean this with love not judgment) son. We are doing a good job regardless of the defeats.
Another thought. The moments you find yourself defeated with your sons seeing it as well is a very good teaching moment. I remind my kids during my bad moments that we need to love, understand, and forgive. Most importantly, their someday spouse will also have moments. If you were perfect, they would struggle more in their marriage expecting their wives to be just like mom.
Blessings to you my friend. And sorry about my ramblings