when failure weighs heavy

Perfectionists like me take failure hard.  But it is good for us.  It keeps us humble.  It reminds us that only God is perfect.  And within the suffering of failure, there is merit (that is, if we remember to offer up the suffering and unite it to Jesus' suffering!) :)  I'm not so sure I always do so well at the offering it up part!  But this quote that I recently came across in St. Faustina's diary inspires me to not take failure so hard, because succeeding at a task is not what is important to God--it's the suffering, not the succeeding, that has merit!  How freeing that is!  Perhaps this quote will encourage all of you perfectionists out there too!

"It is not for the success of a work, but for the suffering, that I give reward." 

(Jesus' words to Faustina, diary entry #90)

And here's a real failure story for you too, in case it helps you feel better to know you're not alone in your failures... :)

Last summer I was inspired with an idea for our school's Kindergarten auction project.  I love to quilt, and my baby was going to be a Kindergartener, which meant I would have tons of free time to quilt since all of my kids would be in school.  So I offered to make a quilt using the school uniform fabric and the cute faces of the Kindergarteners printed on photo fabric.  I worked my buns off for 4 months, spending countless hours agonizing over every detail like a true perfectionist.  I followed the directions to the tee regarding the photo fabric because I had never made a photo quilt before.  I had fun but I was also very stressed out.  I finally finished it.  I washed it...  And I ruined it.  Yes, I ruined it in the wash.  I didn't even use any detergent!  The photo fabric was supposed to be "color-fast," but when I pulled it out of the wash the photos were faded and wrinkly.  It looked horrible.  There was nothing I could do.  I had to accept the experience as a teachable moment, an opportunity for humility, and move on with plan B for the auction quickly.  Thankfully, I was able to design and order an adorable fleece blanket from a company online using the cute Kindergartener's photos that I had taken, and it turned about beautifully!  It was not as awesome as I had planned, it was not a hand-made quilt using the cute uniform fabric, but it was still beautiful and snuggly and made the family that bought it happy (I hope).  And I trust that God had a reason for how things turned out, and that He used every ounce of my suffering for some good purpose.  (I'm not sure if I'll ever try to make a photo quilt again though...or ever offer to make an auction project.  There's only so much suffering that a perfectionist can take!)  :}  But all in all, it was a good experience for me.  It stretched me and reminded me to say "Praise the Lord anyway!" when things don't turn out the way I had hoped.  For  His ways are always perfect, and He will use our failures and sufferings for great good, even though we might not see it or understand it right away.

Here's a photo of the quilt prior to me ruining it in the wash...

And here's a picture of the cute blanket that became the final auction project:

in my spare time...

I love to quilt...in my spare time...which means it takes me about 3 years to actually finish a quilt! :)   But nonetheless, I love it, and I am trying to make a quilt for each of my boys before they leave home for college or wherever the good Lord takes them.  A few years ago I finished one for Michael (a baseball theme quilt for my MLB lover), and this week I finally finished one for my son Dominic.  He chose a patriotic theme because he loves the colors red, white, and blue, the idea of fighting for his country (or perhaps just fighting in general?), and also because his favorite football team is the Patriots :)  What makes these quilts extra special is that the blue jean fabric that I use are scraps from their very own worn-out jeans.

Yes, the quilts may take an extra long time, but they sure are made with an extra lota love!

I hope each of my boys will feel covered in my love and God's love each time they snuggle under their homemade quilt!

Nesting Results

Sorry to disappoint those of you who thought my next post would be a baby announcement...  The little guy still isn't quite ready to meet the world, which is giving me more time to NEST!

And boy have I been nesting!!!  It is both a blessing and a curse, for it has been extremely productive, yet absolutely exhausting.  These past few weeks have been a flurry of cleaning, organizing, giving bags and bags to Good Will, washing baby clothes, and trying to finish up half-completed projects before baby and sleep deprivation arrive.  One of the big projects on my nesting list was finishing up the blue jean quilt that I started for Michael many, many months ago.  It has been such a fun and therapeutic project for me, but last week I was overtaken with the urgent feeling that...

it...must...get...finished...right...now...period. 

I had this irrational fear that if I didn't finish it before the baby came, then it wouldn't get finished until Michael graduated from high school. 

So, that's what I did---I finished it.  Now the baby can come whenever he's ready.  :)

Michael was thrilled with the blanket's baseball theme.  I was thrilled to finish it and to use up a huge pile of the boys' holey jeans and old uniform pants in the process.  My ultimate goal is to make a blanket for each boy before they graduate, but right now I am content with being 1/5 done! :) It was special for me to pray for Michael as I worked on his quilt, praying for his virtue to increase as he grows and for God's protection to always cover him just as this quilt will cover him with warmth and his mother's love.

Here are some photos I took over the past few months while working on Michael's special quilt:

I love you, Michael, and I hope this blanket will always remind you of that.  May it cover you with the warmth of my love for many, many years!