kisses from Jesus

Last week I felt like I was in total darkness...fighting to think holy and charitable thoughts, struggling to control my mood, and shedding a lot of tears.  I am still in the process of trying to find out what is causing these severe mood swings, and I think I'm getting closer to finding some answers, but it is taking longer than I had hoped...  I'd sure be grateful for your prayers as I walk on this long and lonely road, that I may soon find healing, peace, and joy again.  Pray for my poor husband and kids too, who have to deal with me on a daily basis!  :}  The Lord has been so merciful and patient with me, and during this past week of darkness He had me stumble upon a passage from the book I am reading that really consoled my heart (and made me weep--imagine that!) :)  I thought I'd share this passage in case it encourages your soul too.  It is taken from a book I highly recommend called "33 Days to Morning Glory" by Fr. Michael Gaitley, and in this excerpt Fr. Gaitley is reflecting upon the life and writings of Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta:

From the beginning of creating her new religious order, Mother Teresa began to experience "such terrible darkness" in her soul "as if everything were dead."  At times, it seemed unbearable, and she frequently found herself on the brink of despair.  In 1961, she received a light in the darkness.  After a conversation with a holy priest, she realized that her painful longing was actually a share in the thirst of Jesus.  She said, "For the first time in this 11 years, I have come to love the darkness.  For I believe now that it is a part, a very, very, small part of Jesus' darkness and pain on earth."  Teresa's experience of darkness and painful longing continued to the end of her life.  She found strength to persevere because she realized that the darkness was actually a mysterious link that united her to the Heart of Jesus.  What about us?  Do we yet realize the mysterious link between the darkness we sometimes experience in our own lives and that of the Lord's suffering?  Let us ponder Mother Teresa's words on suffering that come from her own experience and so, like her, become better lovers of the Heart of Jesus:

"Suffering has to come because if you look at the cross, he has got his head bending down--he wants to kiss you--and he has both hands open wide--he wants to embrace you.  He has his heart opened wide to receive you.  Then when you feel miserable inside, look at the cross and you will know what is happening.  Suffering, pain, sorrow, humiliation, feelings of loneliness, are nothing less than the kiss of Jesus, a sign that you have come so close that he can kiss you....I once told this to a lady who was suffering very much.  She answered, "Tell Jesus not to kiss me, to stop kissing me."  Suffering has to come, though, that suffering that came in the life of Our Lady, that came in the life of Jesus--it has to come in our life too.  Only never put on a long face.  Suffering is a gift from God.  It is between you and Jesus alone inside..."
  
"...Be careful of all that can block that personal contact with the living Jesus.  The Devil may try to use the hurts of life, and sometimes our own mistakes--to make you feel it is impossible that Jesus really loves you, is really cleaving to you.  This is a danger for all of us.  And so sad, because it is completely opposite of what Jesus is really wanting, waiting to tell you.  Not only that He loves you, but even more--He longs for you.  He thirsts for you.  He loves you always, even when you don't feel worthy.  When not accepted by others, even by yourself sometimes.  He is the one who always accepts you.  My children, you don't have to be different for Jesus to love you.  Only believe--you are precious to Him.  Bring all you are suffering to His feet--only open your heart to be loved by Him as you are.  He will do the rest."