32 Weeks and Counting...

 

Here is me and my growing belly at 32 weeks.  All is going well, but I have felt from the start that this pregnancy has been totally different from my previous ones.  I'm amazed at how different each pregnancy can be and how many new things I learn each time I prepare to bring another little person into this world. 

At my last appointment I did the fun glucose drink and blood work, and I learned that my glucose levels were great, as well as my iron, but that I had a low platelet count.  That was something totally new to me.  At first it kind of freaked me out.  I wondered if I had leukemia or some other cancer or if that meant I was going to die...  My OB (as well as my research on google) reassured me that low platelet levels are fairly common in the third trimester of pregnancy, and usually they will bounce back up to normal levels once the baby is born.  I do have to get tested each month to make sure the platelet count doesn't continue to decrease, but hopefully all of this will be a non-issue.

Other symptoms that I have been experiencing lately are:

• persistent back pain (especially towards the end of the day)
• 3 or 4 Braxton Hicks contractions/hour (but so thankful not to be on bedrest yet!)
• being highly emotional (hopefully this doesn't mean I will have more post-partum depression than usual)
• occasional shortness of breath/chest tightness (still not sure what is causing this)
• fear of labor and delivery

I made the mistake this week of watching the movie "The Business of Being Born."  It was an insightful (although extremely biased towards natural childbirth with no medical intervention) documentary, but it did nothing to alleviate my fears of handling labor and delivery.  I don't know why I even worry when obviously I've done this before, but I think the fact that I've experienced how intense the labor pain will be and all the possible things that could go wrong has actually increased my anxiety with each pregnancy.  The documentary was so anti-hospitals, anti-epidurals, anti-OBGyns that it instills a sense of guilt if you choose not to go 100% natural.  But at the same time, the scenes in the movie that show natural childbirth were also frightening to me as I envisioned trying to deliver my baby without the option of pain-relieving drugs or a medical staff to assist in case of an emergency. 

For some reason I have a strong desire with this pregnancy to try to go through labor and delivery naturally.  I would love to be able to offer up my suffering to atone for sin, to console Jesus' heart, and quite simply because I believe it's better not to expose the baby to any drugs if possible.  But I also know how low my pain tolerance is and how I always chicken-out at about 6cm dilation and beg for an epidural.  I have successfully delivered one baby 100% naturally (my second born son, Michael), but that was not by my choosing.  By the time I arrived at the hospital, my OB said that I was too far along for an epidural (I think I was at a 7 or 8cm dilation).  I was NOT happy about that at the time, and honestly, I have totally blocked out in my mind how I managed the pain.  I don't really remember my labor at all, which is weird.  I do remember keenly wishing I had the epidural AFTER Michael was born because my placenta remained stuck in my uterus and it took numerous attempts and 2 different OBs to remove it by hand---not fun...oh my goodness! 

But anyway, I know that each pregnancy is different and I need to go into labor with trust in the Lord and with an open mind about how things will progress.  I made the mistake with my first pregnancy of writing out an 8 page birth plan (HA!), only to learn that not a single page of that birth plan could be accomplished due to circumstances totally out of my control (Joseph was undergoing fetal distress, etc).  It was devastating to me when my beautiful birth plan disintegrated and I won't make that mistake again.  So please help me just to pray for peace and for my labor and delivery experience this time to result in a healthy baby in my arms no matter if I go natural or the more pain-free approach.  Jesus, I trust in You!

PS:  I'm all ears for tips on pain management if any of you have something to offer.  During my last delivery I tried the birthing ball and also the hospital jacuzzi, and both really seemed to help me manage the pain of the contractions for quite awhile.  However, once the OB broke my bag of waters, the contractions become too painful and I went with an intrathecal.  Perhaps if I wait longer for my OB to break my waters and try to do most of my laboring in the jacuzzi I could tolerate the pain better?  Any other suggestions?