At Planned Parenthood

 

As another 40 Days for Life campaign has come to a close both nationally and in my local town, I found myself reflecting on all my experiences thus far in the pro-life movement.  I have spent many days at Planned Parenthood in the last 15 years of my life, and I feel like each time I have been there has been both a burden and a blessing.  

I first started praying at PP with a group of pro-life college friends in Omaha, NE.  Every time I went, it was a bit of a burden to obey my blaring alarm clock at 5:00am each Saturday (the only day I could have slept in!), and get myself out of bed to go pray on the busiest abortion day of the week.  It was also a burden because for the first time in my life I saw the real faces of scared and wounded women who walked into the building with a child in their womb, and then walked out looking even more wounded with an empty womb...with an emptiness that might just stay with them forever. For the first time my heart ached---truly ached---from the issue of abortion.  It was no longer just a moral ideology for me, it became a real issue, for my eyes had finally seen the reality of what choice can do not only to the unborn, but to those who had to live with their abortion choice for the rest of their lives. I no longer felt like I was "right" and pro-choice people were "wrong";  I just felt raw sorrow, as well as a new found passion to rescue those very real people from the pain of abortion. On the sidewalk of Omaha's PP, I also saw for the first time pro-life convictions put into loving action by the men and women who chose to come stand outside in the heat, the cold, the rain, the snow, to try to be Christ's sign of hope for those women, hoping to help them choose life at the last second before walking in those PP doors. Those pro-lifers inspired me and changed me forever.  Every time I went to pray at Omaha's PP, the burden of waking up early, the burden of having my heart broken as I watched woman after woman make her painful choice, actually became a blessing because it stretched my heart and made me authentically pro-life.

Now fast-forward to me getting married, having babies, and moving to Montana.  Upon learning that my town had a PP, I felt called to be like the courageous and loving pro-lifers I met in Omaha.  I was thankful that I was not alone in this calling, for already there were a handful of faithful prayer warriors who prayed at our local PP every Friday--the abortion day in our town.  God also connected me with a holy and courageous friend named Margaret, who was inspired to start a 40 Days for Life campaign in our town in the Fall of 2007, and ever since then she and I have helped lead the campaigns annually.  The peaceful, prayerful approach of the 40 Days for Life movement, which focuses on fasting and asking the Lord to change hearts and save lives, is the best thing that has ever happened to the pro-life movement in my opinion.  It has been beautiful and humbling to hear the number of moms and babies saved during each campaign, the number of abortion workers' hearts converted, the number of post-abortive women and men healed through God's merciful love poured out through the loving witness of faithful prayer volunteers on the sidewalks of Planned Parenthoods.  God is certainly at work through the 40DFL movement, and I feel blessed to be a small part of it.

What continues to amaze me is what God is doing in my own heart every time I go out to pray at PP.  Like I said at the start, every time has been both a burden and a blessing.  It's a burden because every time I watch a woman, or an employee, or the abortionist himself enter those doors, my heart aches anew.  For example, last week I was praying at PP with my older two sons, and the abortionist pulled up and parked next to the sidewalk where we were standing. He walked within a few yards of us and I felt called to speak to him, to let him know he was loved and being prayed for. All I said was, "Good morning, we're out here praying for you." He looked at us with a blank stare, then casually walked inside the building.  I explained to my boys who the man was, and we prayed specifically for his conversion, for God to soften his heart to be receptive to the truth. A little while later, I noticed my son Michael was very sad and was trying very hard not to cry. I asked him what was the matter, and he said, "Mommy, it was really hard to see his face."  Yes, it is hard; it's a burden and a blessing. To see the abortionist's face does make all of it more real.  To see the man's face who is killing hundred of babies every year creates a heaviness in one's heart that is hard to describe.  To see the women's faces who are choosing death for their children and will be emotionally scarred for life creates a heavy sadness of a different kind.  To be on the sidewalk able to see each face truly is a burden to bear, for it makes it impossible to pretend that abortions don't really happen in our town.  But it's also a blessing to see those faces, to pray specifically for each soul, and to know I at least tried to be Christ's presence at PP by being present myself.

It is also a burden to get persecuted by people who don't see the truth about the sanctity of life.  Many times I have been yelled at or had someone's middle finger pointed in my direction or had to debate my beliefs with some very misguided or angry people at PP.  I had a lady pull up beside me in her car the other day while I was praying, and she asked me if I had ever thought about all the "good" things PP does?  I told her I couldn't really think of any good things.  So she proceeded to tell me about how PP gave her a free mammogram which detected cancer, which led to treatment, which saved her life.   I told her that I was happy for her, but that in reality, she could have gotten her mammogram somewhere else that doesn't perform abortions, and that the benefits of mammograms simply can't compare with the countless babies that are being killed at PP.  After she left, my heart was heavy because so many people just choose not to see the truth.  Satan, the father of lies, continues to be so clever and mislead sincere souls.  But at the same time, it's a blessing to be persecuted because it reminds me that Christ, too, was persecuted, and He promised that we would be persecuted if we follow His way and do His Father's will. 

Our town just finished the Spring 40 Days for Life campaign, although there really wasn't anything "Spring-like" about it.  It is still bitter cold here.  I tried to commit to praying twice a week during the campaign.  It was often a burden to stand outside in the cold to pray at PP, but I have to honestly say that every time I finished praying I found that the sacrifice of my time and comfort was far out-weighed by the graces that I felt God gave me for the effort.  Some of my most intimate times of prayer have been on the sidewalk of PP.  I know my faith is stronger because of my prayer time spent there--what a blessing!  I believe my children are learning the sacredness of human life and the value of standing up for a worthy cause--another huge blessing!  And I have also received the blessing of new friendships that I have made with the faithful prayer warriors who come week after week because they too are called to participate in the burden and blessing of being at Planned Parenthood.  As with all things God calls us to do, the blessings outweigh the burdens in the end. 

Here's a collage of favorite photos collected over the years at Planned Parenthood:



Joseph, my biggest little prayer warrior

Michael braving the sleet and snow at PP

Dominic, proud to be praying at PP



Paul with Nathanael, who slept right through the sleet

A group of faithful pro-lifers praying to end abortion even in the sleet during one of our Spring 40DFL campaigns

A handful of faithful pro-lifers praying in the snow and subzero weather

What a blessing it was to have BOTH of the national 40DFL leaders pray with us at our PP: 
David Bereit and Shawn Carney

Another huge blessing was praying with the holy and humble Fr. Benedict Groeshel who is often seen on EWTN

 

Two of the most adorable prayer warriors, Agnes and Grace, reminding us that every child is a beautiful and precious gift from God

 

This picture is my constant reminder of why I need to go pray at Planned Parenthood:  abortion grieves Jesus' heart and we need to be His hands, feet, and voice to defend those who can't defend themselves