Poem Explained

Perhaps it would be fruitful to explain the thoughts behind the last poem I posted, just to clarify that I do not regret getting married or having these beautiful boys the Lord has given my husband and me.  That is not the case at all.

However, I do go through periods of wondering who I am because, in reality, a mother gives all of herself to her vocation of wife and mother.  We sacrifice our wants (and sometimes even our needs) in order to nurture the souls placed in our care.  This sacrifice feels very natural to me and I know it is what I am called to do, but at times, I do feel like I've lost myself.  Sometimes I grieve a little bit over the talents I once thought I would use to do great things in this world, talents like oil painting, flute and guitar playing, Spanish speaking, picture taking, creative writing, and even sill things like ballet dancing.  I no longer have time for many of those talents, nor do I think I am meant to use any of them for any grandiose purpose anymore.

Perhaps God will allow me to use my talents and hobbies in small ways for His glory, and I'm learning to be OK with that.  Mother Teresa reminds me that I don't have to do great things, only small things with great love, and I can still do that as a mother.  I may have lost some of my talents, or the time to use them, but I have not lost the ability to love.  I can do that nearly every second of the day--I can love by changing a stinky diaper with a smile, by making a meal for a friend in need, by snuggling with a son whose heart is hurting...the list of little ways to love goes on forever.

It is true that some days I grieve over lost talents and dreams--like being a missionary in a 3rd world country, or being a great homeschooling mom, or leading the music ministry at church, or writing inspiring articles to convert even an atheist's soul, or painting masterpieces that would point people's hearts towards God... But lately God is teaching me to be content with being little.  In fact, I prayed the other day that I could become so little that I could fit into Jesus' side and hide within his glowing heart.  That dream I will hang onto to, for as long as I am found in His heart, I know I will not be lost.  And that's good enough for little me.