a poem (reposted)

I've had a challenging couple of weeks with many tears falling and various insecurities rising.  This old poem I penned awhile back resurfaced in my mind, so perhaps I'm supposed to re-post again for myself or anyone else out there feeling like life is hard...



when marriage is hard
look into the faces of your children
see your husband's reflection there
yes, you'd say "I do" all over again


when parenting is hard
look into the face of your helpmate
see his strength and encouraging smile
yes, together you can shape their tiny souls


when life is hard
look into the face of your Savior on the cross
see the love poured out with the blood
yes, you can suffer for He taught you how

Little Boys are Made of Snips and Snails and Battle Details

With a house full of five boys (6 if you count my husband), my life feels a bit crazy at times, and I'm still trying to figure out how to raise these little boys who are so very different from their very girly mother.  Although I was raised with 3 older brothers, I still was very much a girly-girl who loved ballet, playing with Barbies, and wearing dresses and way too much make-up.  When I got married I planned on passing on my ballet toe shoes on to my daughter someday and having many tea parties and painting each other's toe nails.  But don't get me wrong...I love my boys!!!  Honestly, I can't imagine my life any other way anymore, but I am still learning "what little boys are made of" and how to channel those qualities into ways that can glorify God.

For example, I don't where the limit is on all the pretend-play that involves bombs and battles and good-guys vs. bad-guys and a whole lot of plastic death all over their bedroom floor.  Nathanael is going through a stage right now where all he likes to do is build castles out of blocks and then he places his soldiers on top of the castles, and then there is an epic battle with the blocks tumbling and all the bad guys getting vanquished.  The end.  Then he does it all over again...and again...and again.  Of course, he frequently asks me to play this exciting game with him, but there is only so much of it I can take.  So today I tried to make him think outside of the box a little bit with his pretend play.   I told him, "Let's build something else for your soldiers to live in.  How about we build a big cathedral so that they can go to church?"  I was pleasantly surprised that he said yes.  I was not too surprised, however, when he decided that the Cathedral had to be defended against an army of bad guys who were going to destroy it.  Sigh.  But I told myself, perhaps I can turn this into a teachable moment.  So I quickly ran to get a rosary and explained how the rosary is the greatest weapon against evil.  Nathanael's eyes brightened.  My heart lightened.  Then he started swinging the rosary and crashing it into the bad guys to wipe them out.  Sigh again.  I guess that's what little boys are made of.

The other craziness that has been going on with my littlest boy is that he is now a CRAWLER!  Bring out the Pack-N-Play!  Bring out the vacuum 3 times a day!  Bring out my camera!  This little guy crawls unlike any of my other boys though.  We affectionately call him "the gimper" because he scoots around using one leg while dragging the other one behind him.  Hopefully he'll grow out of that.  :)

Yes, my life is crazy, but so very, very good.  I'm learning to laugh more and just go with the flow, and to accept this crazy life for the blessing that it is.  And also just to have some fun with it!

(Thanks, Mom H. for the fake mustaches...the boys thought they were the coolest things ever!)

Saints and Resolutions for 2014

Our family is continuing the tradition of choosing a patron saint to be our special intercessor for the new year.  A friend of mine who has a special devotion to St. Faustina first told me about this beautiful tradition a few years ago when she shared the following excerpt from Faustina's diary:

"Jesus likes to intervene in the smallest details of our life, and He often fulfills secret wishes of mine that I sometimes hide from Him, although I know that from Him nothing can be hidden.  There is a custom among [the sisters in our convent] of drawing by lot, on New Year's Day, for special patrons for ourselves for the whole year.  In the morning during meditation, there arose within me a secret desire that the Eucharistic Jesus be my special patron for this year also, as in the past.  But hiding this desire from my Beloved, I spoke to Him about everything else but that.  When the sisters gathered for breakfast, we blessed ourselves and began drawing our patrons.  When I approached the holy cards on which the names of the patrons were written, without hesitation I took one, but I didn't read the name immediately as I wanted to mortify myself for a few minutes.  Suddenly, I heard a voice in my soul:  I am your patron.  Read.  I looked at once at the inscription and read, "Patron for the Year 1935--the most Blessed Eucharist."  My heart leapt with joy, and I slipped quietly away from the sisters and went for a short visit before the Blessed Sacrament, where I poured out my heart.  (entry 360)

So, just like we've done the past few years, all of us wrote down 5-10 saint names and placed them in a hat...  Here are the results of the saints that God desired each of us to have for 2014:

Paul:  St. Maria Goretti
Maria:  St. Dominic Savio
Joseph:  St. Thomas Aquinas
Michael:  the Sacred Heart of Jesus
Dominic:  St. Padre Pio
Nathanael:  St. Paul
Isaiah:  Our Lady of  Medjugorje

As for New Year's resolutions this year, we have re-resolved to read the Bible aloud at the table after supper.  I say "re-resolved" because we've tried to do this before, but the habit never has stuck for long.  Hopefully, this time, with the help of God's grace, it will become a daily habit for our family that will reap eternal rewards.  We decided to start with the book of Romans, and each night we take turns reading a chapter out load and talking about how God's word can be applied to our lives.  We borrowed this idea from Ann Voskamp's blog because I have always been inspired by how her family reads the Bible together around the dinner table as a reminder that "Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word which comes forth from the mouth of God" (Deuteronomy 8:3 and Matthew 4:4).

By the way, if any of you readers would like me to draw a saint name for you, I'd be more than happy to do so...  Just post a comment below that I will reply to, or you can send me an email if you'd prefer to correspond that way: (pmhurlbert@gmail.com).

Dear Kids: What I want you to remember about Christmas...

Dear Kids,

There's so much I want you to remember about Christmas, about our family traditions, about our beliefs, about what Christmas should be about.  Here are some things I am trying to plant in your memories, hoping they grow and blossom in your hearts until you start sowing new memories in your own families someday...

What I hope you know most of all is that Christmas is about Christ, the Light of the World, sent to save us from the darkness of sin and death!  Christmas is not only a celebration of Christ's birth, but also a reminder to make room in our hearts for Him because He will come again to take those who believe in Him to heaven.  Every year my biggest Christmas wish for you, my children, is for you to give your hearts to Jesus so that we can all be together in Heaven for eternity.

Kids, we hope to teach you that Christmas is NOT about presents and asking a make-believe jolly old man in a red suit for all the toys you want him to bring you from the North Pole.  Our family believes in honoring the real St. Nicholas who loved Jesus so much that he wanted to share that love with everyone through his generosity, especially to the poor and those in need of hope and love.  We don't give you kids toys from Santa; rather we try to teach you who St. Nicholas was and what he believed in.  He believed in Jesus and in sharing Jesus' love with others.  The world wants you to believe that Christmas is about presents and selfish wish-lists, a fallacy that I sometimes fall into each year as I stress about picking the perfect presents for everyone and getting them ordered on time.  Even I need to be reminded of the truth that if we had no presents at all under our Christmas tree, we would still have abundant reason to rejoice:  EMMANUEL--GOD IS WITH US!  Each year I become more and more convicted of this and try to give you less and less presents.  The past few years we have tried to give you only 3 gifts, for that is all that Jesus received on his birthday from the wise men.  If Jesus only got 3 gifts, who are we to expect more?  It's not even our birthday, after all!  Daddy and I are trying to keep the focus on Whose birthday we are celebrating; therefore, each year we gather you around a gift catalog to choose a present for Jesus.  Jesus was poor and loved the poor very much, so we choose a gift for the poorest of the poor.  This year we bought the gift of life-giving water, a water purification system, to a poor family in a faraway country through an organization called Compassion International.  We pray that it brings joy and health to a very special family and that it brought joy to Jesus, the birthday Boy, too.

Each year I want to strive to make Christmas more about giving than getting.  I was so proud of you boys this year as I witnessed you giving away your own money and home-made gifts to your brothers, sneaking your gifts of love inside their stockings when you thought no one was looking.  That warmed my heart more than you can imagine. Deep down though, I know there is so much more we could be doing as a family...baking goodies to bring to neighbors, friends, and strangers in need of some kindness, or visiting nursing homes to bring them joy through our smiles and our music, or inviting a needy family over to share our Christmas meal, or so many more Christ-centered acts of sharing the spirit of Christmas... I am filled with so many good intentions, but so far I have failed at following through...  Perhaps you kids can help me each year to bring some of these ideas to fruition.

Even though Christmas is not about gifts, it was special to see the joy in your faces when you received the small, simple gifts that we gave you.  How thankful I was that your attitudes were not greedy; rather, they were thankful.  Joseph loved the Lord of the Rings piano book, the Christian tie, and the Cardinals shirt that he was given.  Michael loved the robe that mommy made for him, the new Cabrera shirt, and the Cranium Bible Edition board game that he received.  Dominic was delighted in the Perplexus game and the Planes DVD that he got.  Nathanael liked the pizza set, the new castle accessories, and the candy in his stocking.  Isaiah just loved the excitement in the air and the new things to chew on.  You kids didn't receive much, but you were thankful, and that was the greatest gift you could have given me and daddy.

I also want you to remember that Christmas is about family, spending quality time together and just loving each other while doing simple things.  Things like sledding and playing in the snow, driving around town to look at Christmas lights, and just playing games together.  The  family is where we first learn how to love, and then we start sharing that love outside the home.  I know sometimes we drive each other crazy, sometimes there are selfish squabbles and fights, but even those moments can be lessons of learning to die to self in order to serve others, and hopefully we carry those lessons outside our walls...carry Christ outside our home to all other people that cross our paths.

I have to admit that I failed this year to find true Christmas joy because I was wishing that I could be with my parents and my siblings, wishing I could recapture the Christmas memories of my youth, wishing I could receive rather than give.  It took me a couple of days and a lot of tears to realize that I was missing the point of Christmas.  Yes, Christmas is partly about family, but that doesn't mean I need to be surrounded by every single member of my family that I love.  I need to be thankful for the family God has blessed me with both near and far, to find joy in my husband and my beautiful children, to be grateful for the gifts in front of me instead of wishing for things beyond my reach.  Uhg, I'm a slow learner...hopefully, I do better next Christmas in this area.

This Christmas Paul's mom was able to celebrate with us, and what a blessing she was in so many ways!  She brought so much joy to our kids by spending so much quality time with each of them.  She also took loads of stress off my shoulders as she took care of Isaiah non-stop and helped with dishes, cooking, and laundry.  And she gave Paul and I an extra-special present by letting us leave for an over-night romantic getaway in Bozeman!  We spent the day skiing "the Cold Smoke" at Bridger Bowl and spent the evening enjoying a 5-star meal and soaking in our very own jacuzzi.  It was just what our marriage needed and my heart is overflowing with joy and gratitude!  JOY, GRATITUDE and JESUS...that's what Christmas is all about.  Daddy and I hope that we imparting to you the true meaning of Christmas so that you will hold these memories in your heart and live the Christmas message not just once a year, but each and every day in between too.  We love you and wish you many merry Christmases to come!  Thank you for making ours merry--very!

out of the darkness

Christmas lights and glowing candles make me happy.  They also have reminded me how great it feels to be out of the darkness (i.e. my many months of postpartum depression) and back into the light.  I do have to say though, that I'm learning to be thankful for even my dark days, which still happen occasionally, because it is in the darkness that I discover just how much I need God, and in the darkness that His love and light shine the brightest.

During this most recent postpartum period of darkness I felt closer to Christ than I think I ever have before.  I knew He was with me.  I felt His arms holding me while I cried.  I found the strength through His grace to get up each morning when I didn't want to.  I trusted that His love was enough even though my feelings felt otherwise.  And it was. His love was abundantly enough.  Just like our fresh-from-the-forest Christmas tree looks more beautiful in the night when its lights pierce the darkness, I am learning that God's love can illuminate even the dark night of my soul and turn my darkness into a beautiful light--the warm, glowing light of love and mercy.

How good it feels to have hope again and to be able to laugh and love my family without just going through the motions!  Thank you again to all of you out there who have helped pray me out of the darkness.  How blessed we are as Christians to have the Light of the World within us, to shine through us and illuminate the darkness around us!  I pray that many more souls will find the saving light of Christ this Christmas and in the new year, perhaps through the humble witness of souls like me and souls like you--souls who have experienced both darkness and light.  As the apostle Peter said to Christians centuries ago, "For you are God's special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of the darkness into his marvelous light." (1 Peter 2:9)

May my life and yours be a litany of praises to Him who brought us out of darkness and into His marvelous light!

Advent Blessings!!!

Advent Traditions...some old, some new

I love Advent...especially the traditions that prepare my heart and my children's hearts for the miracle of Christmas.  This year, we've kept some of our old traditions, but also added a few new ones that I think will become part of our Advent season for years to come.

First the old:

1.  Lighting the Advent candles each week.  The boys love to take turns lighting the candles and blowing them out.  Funny how it's exciting every year to light a new candle each week as we think about Jesus, the Light of the World, entering our world as a tiny baby and wondering when He will come again.  Try to ignore the fact that my candles this year are white...  I couldn't find purple and pink at the store, and I didn't feel like going to search at another store, so I bought what was available.  The kids don't seem to mind, so I'm trying not to mind either :)

2.  Opening up a door each day on our Advent calendar to find the special magnet and treats inside.  Actually, now that we have FIVE kids, I can't fit 5 pieces of candy inside, so we've had to modify the tradition a bit. Nathanael is the one who gets to put the Nativity scene magnet on the calendar, and then each boy picks a piece of candy out of a candy bucket.  Then we read our Advent devotional, which is a new one this year...

3.  A friend of mine lent me her family's favorite devotional for Advent called "Jothom's Journey."  It's a historical fictional tale that really engages kids' minds and points their hearts to the deepest meaning of Christmas.  I know the author is a top-notch story-teller because at the end of each day's "chapter," my boys beg me to read ahead to the next day's chapter because they want to know what happens!  :)   Apparently, there are 3 books in this series that you can use for Advent, so next year we will probably buy one of the other stories:  "Tabitha's Travels" or "Bartholomew's Passage".

4. Another new tradition for our family this year has been the making of a Jesse Tree.  I remember doing a Jesse tree in school as a child and I've always wanted to share the experience with my children.  This year, thanks to my mom buying us a "Jesse tree kit" from the Catholic book store, we are finally making it happen. Dominic is the the most excited about this tradition and loves coloring the ornaments for the tree.

5.  "Nativity Scene Hide and Seek" is a new tradition that we have started which I stole from my dear friend Jenny (she's always full of good ideas!)  For this tradition, you need a child-friendly nativity scene.  You'll need to put the baby Jesus away somewhere until he is born in the stable on Christmas day.  And then each morning you "hide" Mary and Joseph somewhere in your house for your kids to find.  You explain to your kids that Mary and Joseph had to travel many days in order to get to Bethlehem, so for each day of Advent Mary and Joseph will be "traveling" through our home until they reach the stable.  It has turned into such a fun game for each of the boys to find Mary and Joseph each morning.  When Christmas Eve morning arrives, the kids will find Mary and Joseph in the stable with the other nativity figures (except baby Jesus, of course!).  And then on Christmas morning, along with finding all of their Christmas presents beneath the tree, the kids will find baby Jesus laying in the manger---the Greatest Gift of ALL!

The Hunting Harvest Recap

Well, hunting season is over.  Some of us are mourning, others are celebrating (I won't name any names)... ;) This year was extra special because it was Joseph's first year as an official hunter.  He aced his hunter safety course and was eager to pull the trigger to fill our freezer with meat.  Paul took Joseph out hunting many times; however, his season ended with no meat, but lots of good exercise hiking in the mountains and some great father-son bonding.  I consider that still a successful season.  Paul went out hunting a few times without Joseph as well, and was able to harvest one nice buck.  Paul was a bit disappointed that he finished another season without shooting an ever-elusive elk, but at least our freezer has some meat, so we are blessed.

I just couldn't make myself take a picture of the dead buck hanging in our garage, but I did manage to get a sweet shot of this handsome father-son hunting duo...