Retreat Recap

Well, it has taken me a few days to process all of my feelings about my silent retreat, but I think I can finally put my thoughts into words (and pictures, of course!)  :)

The retreat had positives and negatives...  I'll start with the positives and try to be brief and charitable about the negatives :)

The best part, by far, was sitting with Jesus in the church and just being able to rest in His Presence.   Honestly, I wish I could have just brought a sleeping bag and slept right there at His feet in front of the Tabernacle.  But, alas, I was given a warm, comfy bed next door to the church, in a room filled with all sorts of feminine frillies :)  It was a lovely room, and it did feel nice to be pampered in pink for a change! :)   And best of all, I could run over to visit Jesus next door whenever I desired!

I also loved being able to go on nature walks while praying the rosary or the chaplet or just taking in the beauty around me.  The retreat was in Sheridan, MT, which is a tiny community, surrounded by gorgeous mountains.  Everywhere you look, you feel like you are being hugged by the infinite arms of the Creator.

The food on the weekend was absolutely gourmet, and what a gift it was not to have to cook, or cut up anyone else's food into bite-size pieces, or clean up the dishes!  Again, the feminine touch was apparent at every meal, with fresh-cut flowers, a different table cloth, and fine china dishes!  I loved the silence during the weekend, but it was a little awkward at mealtime...  Imagine 4 women sitting at the same table and not being able to chit chat!  It was like an act of penance as we were all preoccupied with trying not to chew our food too loudly or make eye contact (because that would give the urge to talk) !  :)

My sweet and holy friend Renee, who was the amazing cook and helper on the weekend,
 and Linda, who organized the retreat and gave spiritual direction

Another highlight for me was having the freedom to be able read to my heart's content!  At home I rarely take the time to read because there is always something more urgent to be done; plus, by the time the kids go to bed I'm exhausted and ready for bed too!  :o)  What a blessing it was for me to be able to read a couple of spiritual book that have been sitting beside my bed for months, and to finish them entirely!  My favorite book of all was Jesus Our Eucharistic Love.  This book truly set my heart on fire for Jesus, and I wish I could give it to everyone I know so that they can fall more in love with Jesus in the Eucharist too.  The book inspired me so much that I am now reading it to my boys at night.  May it help our whole family to set the world ablaze with love for Jesus!

Other special moments were sitting around the campfire contemplating how to keep the fire of my love for Jesus burning in my heart at all times...

...and praying the rosary beneath this gorgeous tree in the early mornings.

This is me with the other retreatants, who I never really got to meet due to the silent nature of the retreat.  It would have been neat to get a glimpse of their spiritual journey, but perhaps the Lord just wanted us to focus on Him alone.   And honestly, I found great freedom in that.

And now for the parts that I struggled with...  I don't want to share too much for fear of offending anyone, nor do I want to dissuade others from attending this retreat because they might have a completely positive experience.  That being said, I did have a difficult time during my daily hour of spiritual direction with the woman who organizes the retreats.  I tried so hard to keep my heart and mind open to what the Lord wanted to share with me on my retreat, but I felt like the spiritual director kept taking me on a detour from where I felt the Lord wanted me to go.  Linda, who was the spiritual director for my retreat, is certainly a faith-filled woman passionate about serving the Lord.  But I think she and I are just two very different people with very different spiritualities.  During my prayer time and reading time, I would feel my heart just burning with love for Jesus.  And then I would go to spiritual direction, and my zeal would suddenly evaporate into clouds of confusion.  This caused many tears and much frustration for me.  But I trust that God allowed this for some reason, for I believe that He uses all things for good.  One good that came out of my frustration was that I found myself clinging to Jesus, Mary, and the Saints.  By focusing on God's unchanging Truth, I knew I could not be led astray.  I also learned that it's OK to be frustrated, confused, and lost in the thicket sometimes, for as long as we keep searching for the Lord and trusting in His love for us, He will find us and lead us back to His Sacred Heart.   

Thank You, Jesus, for being with me on my retreat,
for drawing me closer to Your Sacred Heart and closer to Your mother too.
Please stay with me always, even when I feel frustrated and confused.
I place all my trust in You.

P.S.  Next year, I think I will create my own retreat...  I'll find a nice hotel located near a Catholic Church.  I'll sleep in, take bubble baths, read books, eat at nice restaurants, and go visit Jesus in the Tabernacle many times throughout the day.  Anyone want to join me?  :o)