A Totus Tuus Family

This week is my 17th week of pregnancy! My nausea has subsided almost completely, and I am feeling our little one kick and squirm many times throughout the day--yay! This pregnancy seems to be going so quickly (although I probably would not have said that during my days of extreme nausea), and the reality that in 5 months I will be holding a baby in my arms (God-willing) is frightening and thrilling all at the same time. I am so curious whether we are having a boy or a girl, wondering what temperament the baby will have, how the boys will adjust to a new sibling, how I will adjust to being the mother of four, etc, etc, etc. At least I will know the answer to one of those musings soon. My big ultrasound, which will hopefully be able to determine the baby's gender, is in less than a month (July 13th to be exact).

Although I know it sounds silly, I am already starting to worry about the labor and delivery of this baby. You'd think that after giving birth to 3 children already I'd feel completely prepared and at ease, but for some reason my anxiety increases with each delivery. Perhaps it's because I KNOW what it's going to be like, what things can go wrong, how bad it will hurt... Perhaps it's because I haven't done this in so long and I truly feel like I've forgotten all the birthing techniques and pain management tips I once had memorized... Perhaps it's because I remember that all the birth plans I had so diligently written in my previous pregnancies never happened the way I had planned, which still bums me out and reminds me of how little control I truly have over the whole process. Anyway, I know I need to start praying more, trusting more, and simply giving thanks more for this gift in my womb who, once I am holding in my arms, will make me forget about the pain of delivery, or which birthing technique I used or forgot to use, or that my birth plan once again got thrown out the window due to some factor out of my control. In other words, I need to let go of the past, be thankful for the present and trust God for the future. Sounds easy...I'll get right on that :)