Memories I Want to Remember

Part of the reason I blog is to be able to write down funny things my kids say and do so that I don't forget them months or years down the road.  It seems like it's the split-second endearing moments that make motherhood worth all the hours and years of routine and sacrifice.  So here are a few snapshots (in words) of recent memories I want to remember...


The two older boys are in baseball right now, and I am surprised at how nervous I get when they are up to bat or on the pitching mound.  Dominic was standing near me while we were watching Michael's game last week, and in the middle of an inning the coach asked Michael to take over as pitcher.  As Michael started pitching, Dominic tells me, "Mom, mom, Michael is the pitcher!"  As I was trying to keep my eyes on the game, I just nodded and said, "Ya, ya, I know."   Dominic immediately replied, "But mom, shouldn't you be doing this?"  I didn't know what he meant, so I quickly glanced at Dominic who was apparently showing me what I normally do when Michael is pitching...  He had is hands in a prayer-position way up by his mouth.  I had to laugh out loud!  I never realized it before, but that is the nervous stance I take when one of my boys is pitching or at bat.  I guess I just do it as a nervous habit, although sometimes I really do start praying to help calm my nerves and hopefully to send some graces in my boys' direction to help them do well.  How funny that my 5-year-old noticed that...I hope no one else noticed!  Now that my kids are in sports, I am starting to realize why my mother used to obnoxiously yell and grab my leg when I sat next to her at my brothers' wrestling tournaments :) 

Nathanael is saying all sorts of funny things these days now that his vocabulary is taking off like wildfire.  Just this morning he was playing with the bikes in the garage and I said, "That's a bike, can you say bike?"  He looked at the bike again and confidently said, "A butt, a butt."  :)  And last week, I was filling up water balloons outside for the older boys while Nathanael was playing in the rocks nearby.  He came over to me making a perfect buzzing sound.  I thought to myself, how sweet, he must have seen a bumblebee.  Then I hear Dominic yell, "Mom, Nathanael's holding a bee!"  So I drop my water balloon that I was filling and quickly run over and slap the bee out of Nathanael's hand.  It falls to the ground, still very much alive, and Nathanael reaches down to pick it up again.  "No, no!" I yell as I quickly stomp on the buzzing bee with my shoe.  Then, of course, Nathanael starts to cry.  How he escaped from being stung is a miracle to me, but apparently kids never escape their moms ruining all their fun.  :}

Every night around the dinner table, Paul always asks the boys the same question:  "So, boys, what did you learn today?"  The boys have come to expect it now, and they usually are prepared with an answer about something that they learned in school that day.  Well, a few weeks after Paul broke his wrist, he asked the boys that same question at dinner time.  Joseph and Michael both gave one of their usual responses about leaning how do do long division or learning a new spelling word or something of that sort.  And then it was Dominic's turn.  Out of the blue he replied, "40 is too old for snowboarding."  Everyone broke out in laughter...  I guess I kids really do learn from their parent's mistakes! :)

Motherhood: Beautiful Death of Self

My husband bought me these roses a few weeks ago.  They were beautiful, but unfortunately they died within a few days.  I hated to see them just get thrown away, so I decided to try to hang them upside down to dry them.  They dried beautifully, and now I get to find joy in them for months, perhaps years.  As I celebrate Mother's Day this weekend, these roses reminded me of the vocation of motherhood.  When I became a mother and experienced the thrill of falling in love with my first-born, it was similar to the thrill of receiving unexpected roses from my lover.  However, just like roses that wilt and die, sometimes the thrill of motherhood wanes with the mundane routine, the stress that motherhood can bring, the countless acts of sacrificing my own wants for the needs of my children.  But as a mother of seven children, 4 on earth and 3 in heaven, I am beginning to see that the daily "dying-to-self" that motherhood entails can be a beautiful thing, just like the beauty in dried roses.  When we die to self, there is more room for the life of Christ to shine through us...and that indeed is beautiful.  Jesus tells us that death is not only beautiful, it is also fruitful:  "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit." (John 12:24)


Motherhood roots out selfishness like nothing else can.  I am forced to put my will aside numerous times every hour....I can't just go hang out with friends, or take a few hours to read quietly, or have a romantic date with my spouse, or catch up on my photo albums whenever I want....the call to motherhood is a constant and more urgent calling than any of my selfish wants.  Diapers need to be changed, kids need to be carted to school, scrapes need to be kissed, dinner needs to be made, laundry is always waiting to be washed.  So I choose to die to self and live for others instead.  Sometimes it is painful.  Sometimes I complain and have a pity party.  Sometimes I even cry and mourn the death of my identity.  Until I remind myself of my true identity:  I am a wife, a mother, a servant of Christ.  I am no longer just Maria.  No longer do I have the luxury of being selfish.  I have the privilege of being self-less; I am the daughter of a King who has promised me an eternal prize greater than all of my selfish wants put together.


So this Mother's Day, may all of you beautiful mothers out there embrace your identity, your vocation of motherhood, with new enthusiasm...embrace the beauty of dying to self so that you may truly live for Christ and bring Him to others, especially your children and spouse!  Remember that your daily acts of dying to self are indeed beautiful and fruitful.  Happy Mother's Day!

Thankful Thursday

Thankful for unexpected flowers from my beloved... I love how he's learning to speak my love language!



Thankful for my choir boy, making even the angels smile :)



Thankful for beautiful baby Evan who I got to see and spoil with love last week



Thankful for the joyful responsibility of leading this little soul to Jesus through my prayers and love as his godmother!



Thankful Jon and Debbie asked me to be Evan's godmother, and so glad I could be there for his beautiful baptism!



Thankful for Jon's cat, Lily, whose smooshed-in face is somehow so endearing :)



Thankful for such an artistic Creator (seen so clearly at the Rhododendron Gardens in Portland)



Thankful that Evan is blessed with such awesome parents...that little boy will never be wanting for love or attention!



Thankful that signs of God's presence are truly everywhere...like in this dove tree, reminding me of the Holy Spirit...

...and this clover, a simple reminder of the profound mystery of the Trinity.

Thankful for my big-hearted brother, who has always stood by my side and made me laugh :)

Thankful for getting spoiled with great food on my vacation, like this incredible breakfast casserole...mmm!



Thankful for being treated to a healthy smoothie every morning---thanks Jon!



Thankful for vacations that remind me that my life is beautiful, if I but let the light of God shine on it.

More litany of thanks (without pictures):

• a giving husband who happily encourages me to get out of the house to go have fun (I wish I were as giving, espeicially during hunting season!)
• imperfect children who remind me how imperfect I am
• Springtime in the Rockies...snow flurries still flying in May
• a budding peace lily giving me peace about my babies in heaven
• coffee with Hazelnut creamer
• Coca-Cola
• Nathanael's naptime = my prayer time
• a police officer friend whose life was spared
• the rhythmic sound of my bread machine...and the resulting smell of honey wheat bread
• family bike rides to a park
• hand-me-downs from a stylish friend
• boys in baseball uniforms
• my husband's silver hair
• learning the Biblical roots of the Holy Mass at my Monday prayer group
• the feeling of accomplishment in digging up dandilions
• amazing Mexican food at the Salt Lake City airport
• lots of time to pray while sitting in my window seat on flight 4468
• the luxury of sleeping-in
• the holy smell of Chrism oil in my godson's hair after his baptism
• uninterrupted reading on my flights to and from Portland (I fell in love with the book, "The Secrets of the Rosary" by St. Louis DeMontfort)
• 4 laps around the rosary (praying all 4 sets of mysteries)---giving Our Lady a full wreath of roses
• playing card games and Clue with Jon and Debbie in the evenings (except that Jon won EVERY time!) :)



Easter Photos (Part 2): Food, Family and other Fun Stuff

Here is one last collection of photos to summarize our Easter of 2012...



We made a fun new recipe called "Bird Nests," which was so easy and a bright reminder of the New Life that Easter represents...



We continued the tradition of making "Resurrection Rolls," which beautifully explains the meaning of Easter with a sweet surprise at the end...




Our growing boys still find delight in decorating Easter eggs...

 

It warms this mother's heart to see her boys having fun together as friends...



...and I pray that my boys will clearly see the beauty and the saving power of the cross someday...



Here are my little helpers decorating our traditional Easter Lamb cake, a tradition that my Grandma Raba started  back on the farm in South Dakota...




Grandma Raba would be so proud of these sweet little boys carrying on her tradition...

 

My mom's constant help in the kitchen made this Easter extra easy and special for me.  She continues to teach me so much about homemaking and holiness every year, and I can only hope to be as saintly as she is someday...



Our cat Arwen was thrilled that my dad likes cat naps as much as she does...




Paul was extremely helpful (and handsome) getting the Easter meal ready...

 


What a beautiful feast!  And yet still a pale reflection of the feast and the joy that awaits us in Heaven someday because our Savior paid the price for our sins on that first Easter so long ago.  Thank you, Jesus!

 

Easter Photos (Part I): The Hunt

This Easter, we continued our tradition of an outdoor egg hunt with some friends of ours, and every year it seems to get more fun. Two days prior to Easter a snow-storm passed through our area, so we were worried that we might have to search for our eggs under the snow! Thankfully, the snow melted in time for our egg hunt, and we had glorious weather to help us celebrate our Savior's resurrection. We have found the perfect spot for our egg hunt just a few miles out of town, by a beautiful lake, with snow-capped mountains all around. The dads head out to the sight 15 minutes before the moms and kids to hide the eggs, and then its a mad dash to collect eggs AFAP (as fast as possible) :) What a joy it is to watch the wonder on their faces. It was especially fun to see Nathanael's reaction to the egg hunt, as this was his first year to truly participate. He was content to find just a few eggs, and more than happy once he learned there were treats inside! After the hunt was complete, and the little bellies were filled with sugar, the kids enjoyed throwing rocks in the lake and watching a muskrat take his Sunday swim across the water. Us adults loved watching the delighted little ones and just relaxing in the fresh mountain air. Having my parents here to experience the Big Sky style Easter egg hunt was an extra treat!

As I watched the kids search diligently and with so much enthusiasm for the Easter eggs, I was reminded that we never really outgrow hunting for hidden treasures. The treasures may change, but the love of the hunt stays the same. I remember being in high school hunting for the perfect college to attend. And then in college hunting for the perfect career to choose. As I matured, I started to hunt for which vocation God was calling me to be: the religious life or marriage. What an unexpected treasure it was to find my husband, who, at the time, was a military pilot traveling around the world and somehow found his way into my heart. And now, I ask myself, what is it that I hunt for with enthusiasm??? Now that many of my dreams are either fulfilled or seem out of reach, I find that I often get complacent in my hunt for joy, treasures, or God's will in my life. Watching my kids search for their Easter eggs this year reminded me that I still need to pursue treasures, especially the greatest treasure--JESUS. Even though I already have given my life to Jesus, that doesn't mean I shouldn't still be seeking a deeper relationship with Him, searching for ways to love Him more, serve Him better. I know that faith should not be based on feelings, but I still am praying for the grace to grow in my love for Jesus, my enthusiasm for serving Him, my passion for prayer time with Him... Just like the parable of the hidden treasure in the gospel of Mark, I want to be willing to sell everything I have, to give all of myself joyfully in order to have the treasure of life in Heaven with Jesus (Matthew 13:44). Just like my kids searching for candy-filled eggs at Easter, I hope I never outgrow the excitement of searching for sweet treasures too! "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matthew 6:21)
 

May you find the treasures that you seek, and may they indeed be sweet! :)

What family photos have taught me...

My parents came for Easter, which made the holiday so much more joy-filled, special, and relaxing! It was also a gift to have them here to help us take a family photo...

I've learned it's truly laughable to attempt a family photo with four children and expect it to turn out "perfect."

As a perfectionist, it drives me a little crazy when at least one person in the photo is blinking, not smiling, holding a toy, looking away, or having a hand on their forehead for example...

I'm slowly learning to not expect perfection and to accept with a smile the imperfect messes in my life, to laugh at the family photos that might not be perfect but capture the joyful chaos of real family life. After all, outward perfection is what the Pharisees sought, but Jesus showed us that perfection of the soul is what we should be seeking. Soul perfection is what Easter is really about... Jesus made the perfect sacrifice on the cross to save us from our inner imperfection. I can now be assured of perfect happiness in heaven someday, which helps me to accept the imperfections of this world with a smile (most of the time...I'll probably always be a recovering perfectionist!) :) This year's family Easter photo helped me realized that I can't make all my kids smile perfectly for the camera, nor can I force them not to accidentally blink. A perfect family photo (when it happens, which is rare), is simply a gift. And so is our salvation. And Nathanael and I think that's worth a BIG smile! :)