Anniversaries, Memories, and Fairy Tales

This year, our wedding anniversary shared Memorial Day, which made it a day filled with memories for me.  I still remember almost every minute of my wedding day:  getting my hair done with my bridesmaids (and then redoing it myself because I didn't like it), wearing my mom's homemade wedding dress, swooning over my soon-to-be-husband in his military suit, my dad crying as he gave me away, lighting our unity candle to the Marian song "As We Kneel Before You" while we dedicated our marriage to the Blessed Mother's care, walking under the Navy sword arch and being swatted in the derriere with the words "Welcome to the Navy, ma'am," and thinking that I was in a fairy tale and would live happily ever after.  

How thankful I am for these vivid, happy memories to remind me that God has indeed blessed me with a real-life fairy tale that He has written just for me.  If I had written it myself, I know I would have changed many things along the way, but then I probably would have messed up the whole story and turned happily ever after into a tragedy.  Perhaps if I trusted the Author of my soul and Script-writer of my life a bit more, then I would find perfect peace and joy.   But the control-freak, English-major-geek inside of me always tries to steal the pen from God's hand.  When will I learn?

For example, I would have re-written the parts where the babies in my womb died.  There would be three more children in our family making our life even more joyfully chaotic.  And I probably would have written in the script that one of those sweet babies would be a curly, red-headed little girl named Bernadette Therese perhaps.  But, I didn't get to write that part of my story, and those 3 babies are in heaven praying for my family instead, interceding mightily so that we can all make it to meet them someday.  And God knew that's what we needed, and although I don't understand it, I do trust the Author and know He only chooses what is best.  I know this, but I don't often feel this.  I never imagined crying and questioning so much.  I hope God understands.

This is our sweet baby Sebastian who died at 13 weeks.
I hope this photo doesn't offend anyone...
It's the only photo of any of our lost babies, so it is precious to me.

I would have also removed many chapters of heart-ache and re-written the character development of my spouse just a  bit.  I would have had him holding a guitar rather than a hunting rifle, writing Christian music lyrics rather than FAA pilot regulations, and he would passionately put the protagonist on a very high pedestal.  But what kind of love story would that have made?  A pretty pathetic one, at best.  Who wants to read about a spoiled brat for a protagonist?  And without heartache and character flaws, how would the lovers learn about unconditional love and that the crosses in our lives lead us to the crown of Eternal Life?  Again, I would have mucked up the whole story and perhaps lost my salvation in the process.  Yes, God is a trustworthy Author.  I will hand Him back the pen and learn to be thankful for this wonderful life He has written for me, thankful for my babies on earth and the ones in heaven, thankful for my spouse who is teaching me about real love, and thankful for the Author of my Soul who has given me the gift of happily ever after in heaven someday.  God knows I love happy endings! :)

I love you my sweet babies in heaven.  Please pray for us until we meet again in glory!