Sunday, October 18, 2015

You, at least...and me!

"His Sacred Heart will do everything for me if I let him.  
He shall will, he shall love, he shall desire for me 
and make up for all my faults."  
~St. Margaret Mary~

This week was the Feast of St. Margaret Mary, a hidden and humble nun from France, who God chose to reveal the tender and powerful devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus.  Jesus appeared to St. Margaret Mary in the 17th century when the Jansenist heresy was widespread, especially throughout France.  It was a heresy that focused on predestination and perfectionism to a fault--that we needed to be perfect in order to earn God's approval and salvation.  It was a heresy that poisoned much of the Catholic theology of that time-period.  This heresy made people feel so ashamed that they constantly felt that they were disappointing God, often to the point were they would not even receive Holy Communion out of a feeling of unworthiness.  It made people look at God as a harsh judge who was ready to punish them at the slightest mistake.  Of all the heresies over the centuries, this one perhaps wounded Jesus' heart the most because it turned people away from His love and mercy--the very love and mercy He died on the cross to lavish upon us!  Here is a great excerpt from the book "Consoling the Heart of Jesus" by Fr. Michael Gaitley, that captures the story of St. Margaret Mary so well:

"From his sorrow at being so misunderstood and abandoned, Jesus looked for someone who would take pity on his aching Heart.  From the tabernacle, he cast his gaze out on all of France, searching for a true friend on whom he could unburden some of his heartache and through whom he might finally convince people to believe in his tender love and mercy.  Eventually, he found such a friend:  a little nun named Sr. Margaret Mary.  To this blessed soul, Jesus released an ocean of anguish as he disclosed his Divine Heart.   Appearing on the Cross, he said to her in a voice full of sadness and grief:

Behold this Heart, this heart so deeply in love with men, it spared no means of proof--exhausting itself until it was utterly spent in order to testify to its love!  In return, I have received from the greater part only ingratitude...  This hurts me more than everything I suffered in my passion.  Even a little love from them in return and I should regard all that I have done for them as next to nothing, and look for a way of doing still more.  But no; all my eager efforts for their welfare meet with nothing but coldness and dislike.  Do me the kindness, then--you, at least--of making up for all their ingratitude, as far as you can."  (emphasis mine)


Wow, how beautiful that Jesus asked St. Margaret Mary to console His sorrowing heart... And He asks this of you and me, as well!  Yes, we (sinners though we are) can somehow make up for the ingratitude that Jesus receives from most of the world by simply loving Him and being grateful to Him for His love and mercy!  You, at least, and me can be the ones that quench His thirst for love and remove some of the bitter sorrow from His heart!  We can do this in so many little ways:
  1. Go visit Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament so that He will not be alone, and just tell Him that you love Him and enjoy spending time with Him
  2. Make small sacrifices throughout the day to tell Jesus thank you for the sacrifice He made for you (give up an extra cup of coffee, hold your tongue and smile when someone irritates you, clean a toilet or two joyfully :)...etc)
  3. Make an effort to receive the Eucharist more than once a week to show your love for Him and your gratitude for the gift of receiving His Heart (literally) in the Eucharist
  4. At 3:00pm (the hour Jesus died on the cross), stop for a moment to thank Jesus for His sacrifice, to express your love, and, if you have time, say a Chaplet of Divine Mercy
  5. Buy a picture of the Sacred Heart and each time you gaze at it, hear Him saying to you:  "Behold this Heart that loved so much, yet is so little loved."  And then reassure Him that He is loved by you...you, at least...and me!  
...the possibilities are endless!

St. Margaret Mary, pray for us, pray that we are given the grace to console Jesus' Heart with our love, as far as we can!


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Tuesday, October 13, 2015

shades of gray


This past weekend was the 8th "birthday" of our baby Sebastian into heaven.  Briefly I held him in my hands, then reluctantly handed him over to the hands of God for eternity.  The memories return if I let them...holding him in the bathroom, baptizing him in the sink, bleeding, more bleeding, then hurrying to the hospital for a D and C, worrying that I would die during the surgery, standing at the cemetery for the funeral, and wondering if everything would always be a shade of gray.  This weekend as our family went to the cemetery to remember our little saint Sebastian, my heart was a very dark shade of gray.  Not because of losing Sebastian, because I knew he was happy with Jesus, but because my husband and I had been fighting earlier that morning, and despair was creeping in to a very old wound in my heart.  However, as I cried at the cemetery, I was able to cry out to my little saints--Sebastian, Christian, and Frances--and beg them to intercede for their mommy, their daddy, and their siblings still on earth.  Perhaps that is why God gave me the gift of three babies in heaven...because He knew I needed some special saints interceding for our family---to remind us that it will not always be gray, for someday we will be surrounded by the joyous light of God's love.  That truth encourages me to not lose hope and to keep my eyes fixed on heaven where there will be no more tears and no more shades of gray.

And for those of you who may have suffered the pain of an empty womb through miscarriage, here's a poem I wrote many years ago that may encourage you:


Womb Now Empty

Womb now empty
Eyes brimming full
Questions without answers
Why given then taken, tiny soul?

Emotions so myriad,
Heart too numb to share
Flee to an inner cloister
A few friends welcome there

Cradle to be barren
Tiny saint in heaven instead
Comforting is the thought
Still many tears are shed

Womb now empty
But heart stretching full
Soon in Heaven reunited
Mother and child, same goal


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Sunday, October 11, 2015

Medjugorje: why there?


It is hard for me to know where to begin in sharing about my personal Medjugorje pilgrimage…  So I guess I will just start at the beginning and explain why my husband and I chose to go to Medjugorje at all.  After all, we could have spent a lot less money and went somewhere more tropical and fun like Hawaii, so why did we choose a poor village in the middle of Bosnia to spend our summer vacation?

Well, like I had explained in an earlier post, Paul and I truly believe that Our Lady of Medjugorje is largely responsible for the two of us getting married.  (Here's a quick recap for those who don't know the backstory: My senior year in high school I made my first pilgrimage to Medjugorje, and the biggest prayer intention on my heart was guidance in my vocation.  I was feeling equally drawn to the religious life and to married life, so I asked Our Lady at the top of Mount Krizevek (Cross Mountain) to send me my future husband my first year of college; otherwise, I would pursue religious life and not waste my money finishing college.  And she answered my prayer in a way that only could have been her careful arrangement.  While I was home from college on Christmas break, my brother Steve was visiting with Paul, an old classmate of his, who was in the Navy but home for Christmas break. My brother happened to mention that his little sister (that’s me) recently went on a trip to Medjugorje.  This greatly intrigued Paul, who had recently become very interested in Marian apparitions, so he decided to give me a call.  We arranged to meet at Mass and then go out for bagels to chat about my pilgrimage.   That was the first of many chat sessions…   We dated long-distance for the next 3 years and married in the month dedicated to Mary, May 26, 2000.)

So, ever since our courtship, we dreamed of going to Medjugorje together to thank Our Blessed Mother for bringing us together and to ask for her continued blessings upon our marriage. That's one big reason we decided to go there, but there's more...


I wish the rest of our love story was so simple and sweet, but if I was honest, I would have to say that yes, our marriage has been strewn with sweet roses, but those roses have been covered with painful thorns.  If the two of us did not have our strong Catholic faith, a deep commitment to the marital covenant, and a belief that God and His Blessed Mother had brought us together, there is no way we would still be wearing our wedding rings.  I suppose every marriage has thorns—it’s bound to happen when two sinners choose to live together for life—but my uber-romantic heart never imagined the pain and scars those thorns would cause.  Had I known about the thorns ahead of time, I might have chosen the convent (but I'm sure that would have had thorns of a different kind!).

The past year of our marriage has been particularly hard.  A thorn that I did not expect pierced my heart and I was not sure if our marriage could recover.  I knew we needed Our Lady’s help to find peace and  healing.  Quite frankly, I wanted to quit...to pack my bags and my kids and run away to my mom's house in South Dakota.  But since I knew deep down that God would not approve of that choice, I chose to run into the arms of my "other" Mother in Medjugorje instead.  So, with our thorn-pierced hearts, my husband and I boarded a plane bound for Bosnia.


48 hours later we arrived in Medjugorje—jet-lagged, but filled with expectant hope.  The grace and peace that surrounded us was so tangible that I felt like I could cup it with my hands, put it in a bottle, and bring it back home with me.  A priest once said that "in Medjugorje, it seems as if the veil between heaven and earth is somehow thinner there." The picture below seems to capture that mystery.  I took that photo right before Mary was about to appear, and it was as if the heavens were literally opening up to allow for Our Lady to descend to earth for the apparition.  The thin veil separating heaven and earth truly appeared to part for a few miraculous moments.  I really think that priest was onto something, and perhaps the "thinner veil" is why the graces feel so tangible there.  Perhaps that is also why more graces seem to be able to penetrate the hearts of pilgrims who go there and hear Our Lady's messages, leading so many souls back to God. With Mary appearing every single day since 1981, how could there not be extra graces there?  What a gift from God that has been given to us for so long!  Paul and I felt so blessed to be immersed in those miraculous graces.


So, that is why Paul and I chose Medjugorje----for the graces our marriage needed so desperately.  Did we find the graces and healing there?  Yes.  But, not quite in the way I had expected.  Neither one of us miraculously changed, we didn't see Mary appear to us or any spinning suns, my rosary did not turn gold, and my broken heart was not perfectly healed...but we received the grace of mercy.  Mary softened my heart to forgive my husband; she also showed me the big plank of pride stuck in my eye and that I needed forgiveness too (just as much or more than he!), and thankfully Paul and the Lord were gladly willing to forgive me once I humbled myself enough to ask.    


Mercy has been one of the greatest miracles for pilgrims who come to Medjugorje ever been since the apparitions began.  St. John Paul II called Medjugorje "the confession box of the world," which is an apt description if you ask anyone who has been there.  All day long hundreds of thousands of people from countless countries go to confession in Medjugorje.  Priests spend hours upon hours in the confession boxes---they even sit on chairs all around the church to hear the pilgrims' confessions because there simply aren't enough confession boxes for all the people who want to confess their sins and reconcile their souls with God!  It is a beautiful sight!  And for many Catholics, myself included, confession in Medjugorje is a grace-filled, healing experience, sometimes even the spiritual pinnacle of their pilgrimage.


At least 3 times in the 10 days we were there, I went to the Sacrament of Confession, and each time a miraculous healing took place.  One time in particular, while hiking up Cross Mountain and reciting the Stations of the Cross, a battle of spiritual warfare was taking place inside of me...  My soul became filled with such bitterness, disappointment, even hatred for my husband that it sickened me, scared me, and seriously made me question my salvation. I think Satan was working overtime on my marriage in Medjugorje.  He was ticked off that my husband and I had come to this holy place to seek extra graces from Our Lady to save our marriage.  And so the father of lies began to whisper his crafty lies on that hike up Cross Mountain, and "gullible Maria" was falling for them again.  Thankfully, I could sense the spiritual danger and knew how weak I was at fighting this battle on my own.  So immediately after the hike was over, I asked Fr. Edmond, the holy and humble priest in our tour group, if he would hear my confession.  Praise God he said yes!  We sat right on the front porch steps of the visionary Jakov's house, and I wept and confessed my sins.  Christ's mercy rushed in and the battle quickly changed course.  Satan fled (probably with his tail between his legs) and I was filled with peace.  I loved my husband again---complete, unconditional love like Christ had for me.  I was forgiven and made new, which gave me the grace to forgive and have hope again. Another Medjugorje miracle had taken place!  Praise the Lord for His unending mercy from the cross!

Paul and I with Fr. Edmond
So many graces and miracles took place in our marriage during that 2 week pilgrimage.  We had some really tough days, like the one I mentioned above, when Satan was working hard to prevent Paul and I from embracing the healing graces that Mary was sending us.  But most days were simply filled with peace, love, and joy.  What a joy it was to receive Jesus in the Eucharist daily surrounded by on-fire Catholics, to hike with my husband in the sunshine as we talked and prayed about our future, to be present for the daily apparition and place our intentions and those of our family and friends directly into Our Lady's hands, to eat meals with him without having to cut up anyone else's food into tiny bites, and to simply be together basking in the graces that surrounded us... That's why we chose Medjugorje.  


Will our  marriage still have thorns?  Yes it will (in fact, I can feel a sharp prick of one right now as I type this).  But the graces we received in Medjugorje taught us to focus on the beauty of the blossoms instead, and that if we offer up the thorns to Jesus, His love and mercy can transform them into something good and sweet.  
  
Love and mercy...sweet indeed!

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Tuesday, October 6, 2015

St. Faustina (and some promises you may not know about)


This week the Catholic Church celebrated the feast day of one of my favorite saints:  Saint Maria Faustina.  Oh, how I wish I could express just how grateful I am that Jesus appeared to St. Faustina and asked her share the message of His infinite mercy with the world--and with me in particular!  It would be a very lengthy and heavy blog post if I tried to explain to you why I am so indebted to the Divine Mercy devotion, but I will briefly share that I believe the Divine Mercy Chaplet rescued my marriage and saved my soul from complete despair less than a year ago.  That is why I am so passionate about spreading this devotion every chance I get!

The Divine Mercy Chaplet is so powerful--just trust me, it is!  Actually, don't trust me, trust Jesus, because He Himself gave us this powerful prayer in 1931!   And did you know that Jesus promised very special graces to those who even look upon the image of His Divine Mercy with devotion!?  Here are some of those promises straight from Our Savior's mouth that he spoke to St. Faustina:

Paint an image according to the pattern you see, with the signature: Jesus I trust in You.  I desire that this image be venerated, first in your chapel, and then throughout the world. The two rays denote Blood and Water.  The pale ray stands for the Water which makes souls righteous. The red ray stands for the Blood which is the life of souls. These two rays issued forth from the very depths of My tender mercy when My agonized heart was opened by a lance on the Cross. These rays shield souls from the wrath of My Father. Happy is the one who dwell in their shelter, for the just hand of God shall not lay hold of him. (Diary of St. Faustina #47 and #299)


I promise that the soul that will venerate this image will not perish. I also promise victory over its enemies already here on earth, especially at the hour of death. I myself will defend it as My own glory. (Diary of St. Faustina #48)

I am offering people a vessel with which they are to keep coming for graces to the fountain of mercy. That vessel is this image with the signature:  “Jesus, I trust in You." (Diary of St. Faustina #327)

By means of this image I shall grant many graces to souls…(Diary of St. Faustina #742)

This painting is the "Original" painting done by the artist Eugene Kazimirowski in 1934.
It is said that when Faustina first saw the painting, she cried because it did not look nearly as beautiful as her beloved Savior looked when He appeared to her.
But who could ever capture the glory of God on canvas?

Aren't those promises AWESOME!?  ...Spared from hell, protected from God's just wrath, extra graces...  Truly, ladies and gentlemen, it doesn't get any better than that!  Our family has had a Divine Mercy picture in our house for years, but I had no idea of the special graces and promises associated with it until recently.  Once I heard about the graces, I went to our local Catholic book store and bought a whole bunch of them to give as gifts to some very special people in my life.  Perhaps God was pleased with my enthusiasm, because the other night at a local fundraising banquet, there was a Divine Mercy canvas painting on the silent auction table, and of course I had to bid on it...  And the Lord in His infinite mercy and kindness let me win it...for only $25!  I was so thrilled!!!  Some people left the banquet with handmade quilts or gift certificates, and I left with Jesus in my arms! You can't beat that! :)  I was especially thrilled with the canvas print because it was the "original" Divine Mercy image, which is the one that we did not have in our home yet (there are a few different versions of the painting out there...you can read more about them HERE if you wish).  Our new painting is now in a very special place in our bedroom, so that my husband and I can look at it often and be reminded of the gift of Divine Mercy in our marriage. God is so very, very good!

I wish I was able to tell everyone in the whole world about Jesus' infinite mercy and how He is just longing for souls to come to Him with trust and confidence in His mercy!   No sin is greater than His love and mercy!  And when we ask Him to wash away our sins in the ocean of His mercy, not only does He completely forgive our sins, but He also gives us the grace to completely forgive others!  Yes, even those who have sinned against us and completely broken our hearts...we can forgive them because Jesus has forgiven us when we have sinned and broken His heart.  God's mercy on us begets our mercy on others.  What a priceless gift.  What a saving grace.  I am eternally grateful.  Please help me to spread Faustina's message of Jesus' infinite love and mercy with our world so desperately in need of that message!  Perhaps you would consider buying some Divine Mercy holy cards or pictures and giving them away as gifts...  Or buy one for your own home if you don't have one yet...remember the special promises given to those who have a Divine Mercy image in their homes?  But above all, pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy as often as you can---your soul and the souls of countless others will benefit beyond belief!  (And make sure you add the optional beginning and ending prayers...I think they are the best part of the chaplet!).  :)


Saint Faustina, pray for us!
JESUS, WE TRUST IN YOU!!!



For those who aren't familiar with the Chaplet, here's how you pray it:


Optional Opening Prayer:
You expired, Jesus, but the source of life gushed forth for souls,
and the ocean of mercy opened up for the whole world.
O Fount of Life, unfathomable Divine Mercy,
envelop the whole world and empty Yourself out upon us.

O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fountain of Mercy for us, I trust in You! (x3)

Our Father, Hail Mary and the Apostle's Creed

On each “Our Father” bead of the rosary, pray:
Eternal Father, I offer you the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your Dearly Beloved Son, Our Lord, Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world.

On each of the 10 “Hail Mary” beads, pray:
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

Concluding prayer:
Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world. (x3)

Optional Closing Prayer:
Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless and the treasury of compassion--inexhaustible, look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us, that in difficult moments we might not despair nor become despondent, but with great confidence submit ourselves to Your holy will, which is Love and Mercy itself.


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Friday, October 2, 2015

Learning Littleness from the Little Flower

Happy Feast of St. Therese, the Little Flower!
(a day late) :}

"God would not make me wish for something impossible and so, in spite of my littleness, I can aim at being a saint. It is impossible for me to grow bigger, so I put up with myself as I am, with all my countless faults. But I will look for some means of going to heaven by a little way which is very short and very straight, a little way that is quite new. . . .  It is your arms, Jesus, which are the lift to carry me to heaven!  And so there is no need for me to grow up. In fact, just the opposite: I must stay little and become less and less."   
St. Therese, the Little Flower

St. Therese is so humble that I'm sure she would not wish to be honored on a feast day, but she would want God to be honored and for others to find a way to grow closer to the God she loved so very much---and that is what her feast day is all about.  Her feast day points people to her "Little Way"--a way that everyone can use to become a saint!  I am so grateful that she taught us this way to holiness, because lately I feel so small, so little, so sinful, so insecure, and so incapable of succeeding at all the things I wished I would be great at:  marriage, motherhood, holiness, leading others to holiness...  But, Therese's words remind me that God loves my littleness; His mercy covers my sins; He will carry me to heaven because He knows I am too weak to get there myself.   What a relief!  :)  Thank you, God.  St. Therese, pray for us to walk confidently in your Little Way!

It also seems fitting to share some St. Therese "miracles" that happened to me in Medjugorje.  Like many other Catholics, I have a tender devotion to Therese and often ask for her intercession when I have an important prayer request.  So, when Paul and I went to Medjugorje, I wanted to pray a novena to St. Therese and ask her to pray for us on our pilgrimage.  Specifically, I asked for her to pray that our pilgrimage would help Paul and I receive the graces we needed to grow in holiness and to find healing and joy in our marriage.  

The day Paul and I arrived in Medjugorje, we found out that we would be staying at a little hotel called "The Two Hearts" (referring to the two Hearts of Jesus and Mary).  I was slightly disappointed, because we had been told there was a chance that we would be staying at the visionary Marjana's house, but I tried to offer up my disappointment and embrace what God had given me :}  We were handed our room key, but when we unlocked the door to our room, we saw that someone else already had their luggage in that room, so we headed back to get a different room key.  When we walked into the second room that was given to us, a huge smile spread across my face, because the only thing in the room, aside from 2 single beds and a crucifix, was a picture of St. Therese.  I was sure this was a little gift from God, and that He was assuring me at the start of our pilgrimage that Therese would be with us, interceding for us during our stay in Medjugorje.  It was my first little Medjugorje miracle!  :)

The second little St. Therese miracle occurred 6 days into our pilgrimage.  We were told that we would have to leave the Two Hearts Hotel to make room for a larger pilgrimage group that was arriving. The up-side, however, was that we were given the honor of moving to the visionary Jakov's house to stay for the remainder of our pilgrimage!!!  I was thrilled!  But there was a part of my heart that was sad to leave our old room because I really liked the consolation of St. Therese's picture and the reminder that she was praying for us.  But again, I tried to offer up my disappointment and embrace what God had given me.  So we headed to Jakov's house and were given our new room key.  We walk in the door, and again, a smile spread across my face.  This time, there was no picture of St. Therese on the wall, but I clearly felt her presence when I saw what was in the room:  2 single beds, a crucifix, and a rose-covered chair with Carmelite brown curtains behind it :)  God is so good to me!  :)


Aside from our two hotel rooms, I felt the Little Flower's presence everywhere I went in Medjugorje.  Paul and I prayed our Therese novena every day, and the words to the novena guided our hearts towards her "Little Way," teaching us to offer up our littleness, our weaknesses, our sins, our sufferings, our disappointments to God with joy (that's the hard part), trusting with Therese-like confidence that He will transform those offerings into something fruitful.  I constantly felt St. Therese whispering in my heart:  "Maria, it is OK to be little and not accomplish the great things you had hoped to do for God...your little acts of love and small sacrifices are just as pleasing to God as great big deeds for His glory."  "It is OK to be a big failure because God's mercy is bigger than your mistakes (oh and by the way, God's mercy is big enough to cover your husband's mistakes too!) :}" And throughout the entire pilgrimage, Therese kept guiding my eyes to find the littlest flowers on the paths that we tread, beautiful, hidden weeds that no one else would notice, to remind me to embrace my littleness.  One tiny flowering weed offered to God with a heart full of love is worth more than an offering of grand, gorgeous roses.   All around me I saw pilgrims placing huge expensive bouquets of flowers at the feet of the statues of Mary, but all I had to offer Our Lady was a small handful of tiny, beautiful weeds.  And Therese whispered to me, "It is a beautiful offering--YOU are a beautiful offering, because you are filled love."  God gave me so many opportunities to offer up little flowers of love and sacrifice to Him on our pilgrimage.  Some of the opportunities I embraced, others I did not, but I was at least learning to see them as opportunities.  Even the failed opportunities I could offer to God!  The Little Flower was gently teaching me her Little Way every day that I was there. 


And then my third St. Therese miracle happened when I got home from Medjugorje.  At the end of a St. Therese novena, it is not uncommon for Therese to send a rose from heaven to reassure you that she heard your prayers and interceded for you.  In fact, right before she died, she told her fellow nuns that "she would spend her heaven doing good upon the earth and let fall a shower of roses."  So, on the last day our novena, I went to the adoration chapel in my parents' town to pray for an hour.  I walked into the chapel and immediately saw a statue of St. Therese, and on the floor beneath her, someone had placed a beautiful red rose in a simple glass bowl.  I felt it was my rose sent from heaven.  Therese had heard my prayers, and God had certainly granted the graces that Paul and I needed during our pilgrimage to help us grow in holiness and find healing and joy in my marriage again.  God is so good.  St. Therese is so faithful.  I am so grateful!


My family and I wish you a happy Feast of St. Therese!
May we all learn to walk the way of "littleness"!!!

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Thursday, September 24, 2015

Medjugorje 101

I think I am finally caught up on most of my summer blogging so that I can start sharing more about my Medjugorje pilgrimage!  Yay!  But first I thought it might be helpful to give a quick "Medjugorje 101" class for those who aren't familiar with the miraculous story.  :)   I will briefly cover the history of Medjugorje, the main messages from Mary, the secrets given by Mary to the visionaries, the visionaries' background information, and the position of the Catholic Church regarding the alleged apparitions.  It's hard for me to even type the word "alleged," because after being there twice, meeting the visionaries, experiencing the graces first-hand, and following the fruits that have been happening there for the past 34 years, I have no doubt in my mind that the Blessed Virgin Mary is really appearing there. But there is so much misunderstanding about Medjugorje--even among faith-filled Catholics--which makes me so sad because it prevents many hearts from hearing the messages that God is so urgently trying to give to the world through His loving mother.  Hopefully my words can help clear up some of the confusion surrounding this holy place. I pray you will open your hearts to the Holy Spirit and read on!  :)


The History:
Medjugorje is a small village tucked in the tree-covered mountains of former Yugoslavia, now known as Bosnia-Herzegovina.  The name Medjugorje literally means "between two mountains," because it is nestled between to large hills, which are now called Apparition Hill and Cross Mountain to the pilgrims who come there.  The miracle of Medjugorje started on the afternoon of June 24, 1981, when two girls, Ivanka Ivankovic, age 15, and Mirjana Dragicevic, age 16, were returning home from a walk. Looking toward the hill called Crnica or Podbrdo, Ivanka saw a bright silhouette of a woman who was holding a baby in one hand and beckoning to them with the other.  Ivanka said to Mirjana, "It is the Gospa!" (Gospa is the Croatian word for Our Lady).  The young girls ran away in fear.

The very next day the two girls returned to the hill with four others:  Vicka Ivankovic, age 16, Ivan Dragivevic, age 16, Marija Pavlovic, age 16 and Jakov Colo, age 10. A shining figure was calling them to come up the hill. The children climbed up the hill with miraculous speed despite sharp, rugged terrain and thick brush to meet the beautiful lady who called herself the Queen of Peace. The Lady began to give messages to the children that were meant for the whole world.  Her first message was simply the words:  "Peace, peace, peace, and only peace.”  

Mary continued to appear to the 6 visionaries every day no matter where they were at, giving thousands of messages to lead the world back to God.  She told the visionaries that this is a time of great grace for the world, unprecedented in history.  She said, "I wish to keep giving you messages as it has never been done before in history from the beginning of the world...  I have come to call the world to conversion for the last time.  Afterwards, I will not appear any more on this earth." (messages from April 4, 1985 and May 2, 1982 respectively)  The apparitions in Medjugorje are the longest occurring apparitions in Church history, which is a testament to the importance of her messages.  God is granting our generation a tremendous grace by sending His Blessed Mother to us for so long to get our attention and point us back to the path that leads to Him.


The visionaries describe Our Lady as beautiful beyond words--radiant with holiness and love. Struck with awe at her beauty during one of the early apparitions, the children asked her why she was so beautiful, and she replied, “I am beautiful because I love.  If you want to be beautiful, dear children, then love.” (March 25, 1985) She appears to the six visionaries as a three-dimensional image, as if they were looking at a real person, and she always appears amid brilliant light.  The visionaries describe Our Lady as wearing a long grey dress with a white veil.  She has blue eyes, long black hair, and rosy cheeks.  She has a crown of twelve stars around her head and floats on a cloud.  On Christmas and special feast days she comes dressed all in gold.  Each Christmas, she appears with baby Jesus in her arms.  The visionaries feel such intense love from Mary when she appears to them.  During one apparition Mary told them, "If you truly knew how much I love you, you would cry for joy."  It is beautiful to notice that during many apparitions, the visionaries have joyful tears gently streaming down their cheeks.


Mary usually appears to the visionaries at approximately 6:40 pm every day (although she also appears at other times of the day and sometimes more than once a day on special occasions). Thousands of people come daily for the evening apparition to participate in the event with prayer, song, the rosary, the Mass, which is often con-celebrated by thirty or more priests, and usually followed by Eucharistic adoration. The entire evening service lasts about three hours, and this has been happening daily since 1981!  One of the common misconceptions about Medjugorje is that it is all about Mary, but when you take a pilgrimage there you discover that is far from the truth.  The focus of all the events in Medjugorje and even Mary's messages are all about GOD---finding God in a deeper way through prayer, fasting, the Mass, the Bible, and the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Mary is always pointing us to her Son, never at herself.

During the apparitions the visionaries do not react to light, they do not hear any sounds other than Mary’s voice, and they do not react to being touched—even by sharp pin-pricks or fire.  Many saints, as well as the visionaries of Fatima and Lourdes experienced this same supernatural phenomenon, which theologians call a "religious ecstasy."  The Medjugorje visionaries have been subjected to many scientific tests during the apparitions, and the findings are well documented and show clearly that something supernatural is occurring.


The news that Our Lady might be appearing immediately began to attract pilgrims to Medjugorje, first from the surrounding countryside, and then from all over whole world. These included clergy and theologians, as well as experts from the physical and medical sciences who testified to some kind of phenomenon taking place when the apparition was said to be occurring. The private judgement of these early visitors did much to bolster people's belief in the events at Medjugorje. In addition, many pilgrims (then and now) report miracles such as seeing the sun spin and being able to look at it without pain or eye damage (similar to the miracle of the sun in Fatima); others that their rosaries turned from silver to gold; still others that remarkable physical healings or spiritual conversions had taken place; and many others who have received their clear vocational calling to the priesthood or religious life while they were in Medjugorje.  These miracles and many other good fruits contribute to the fame of the alleged apparitions and seem to show that God’s graces are at work there.

The Messages:
Even though there are many messages that Our Lady has given over the past 34 years, they can be summarized by five themes:  Peace, Faith, Conversion, Prayer, and Fasting

PEACE
Peace was the first word spoken by Our Lady in Medjugorje to the visionaries, and two months after the apparitions began another miracle took place that involved the word “Peace.”  On August 6, 1981, the word “Mir” (or “Peace” in English) appeared in the sky and was seen by many people.  It was on this day during the apparition to the visionaries that Our Lady gave her title for the first time, saying, “I am the Queen of Peace.”  She invites us to peace in four ways: 1) peace in our hearts through reconciliation; she specifically requests that people go to monthly confession to achieve this goal 2) peace in our families by making God the center of our homes 3) peace in our communities by love and forgiveness of our neighbor 4) peace in the world by conversion and union with God.

FAITH
Faith is the belief that there is a God. It may sound simplistic, but in this world of unbelief and pagan lifestyles, belief in God is of major importance. Mary calls souls to believe that God exists and that He loves them immeasurably.  Our Lady once told the visionaries that her favorite prayer is "The Apostle's Creed,” which is a summary of the mysteries of our faith, and she urged that we pray it often.

CONVERSION
Many of Mary’s messages are pleas for conversion, conversion back to God so that souls can be saved from eternal punishment in hell.  On February 25, 1996, she actually told the visionaries that conversion is the most important of her messages:  "Dear children!  Today I invite you to conversion.  This is the most important message that I have given you here."  She is the most loving mother and clearly does not want any of her children to perish, which is why God has granted her this grace of appearing to the world for so long, to help lead as many souls back to God as possible.  Our Lady said on May 2, 1982, "I have come to call the world to conversion for the last time.  Afterwards I will not appear any more on this earth."

PRAYER
Mary is constantly asking the world to pray.  On April 24th, 1984, Our Lady asked us all to "Pray as much as you can, pray however you can, but pray more always.  Each of you could pray even four hours a day."  Prayer draws us nearer to God, and leads to a deeper faith and a constant conversion of ourselves and those who we pray for.  In September of 1984 she said, "Without prayer there is no peace,” and again in March of 1985 she said, “PRAY, PRAY, PRAY, PRAY! In prayer you will find the solution to every difficult situation. Thank you for the progress you are making in prayer! Each one of you is dear to my heart, and I thank all those who have encouraged prayer within their families.”  Our Lady recommends praying the Creed, along with 7 Our Fathers, 7 Hail Mary's and 7 Glory Be's for peace.  This has become known as "The Peace Rosary." She also asks us to pray the complete rosary every day, and she speaks of the importance of praying the Consecration prayer to the Hearts of Jesus and Mary.  But the Blessed Mother says that the highest form of prayer is the Holy Mass and that we are to live the Mass with the example of our lives. 

FASTING
Already on the 6th day of the apparitions, Our Lady recommended fasting because it aids faith and teaches self-control.  Only the person who has enough self control to fast is truly free and is capable of abandoning oneself to doing God's will instead of one's own selfish will.  The Virgin Mary asks that we fast on bread and water on Wednesdays and Fridays. If we cannot fast on bread and water, we should fast from other pleasures, such as television or things that distract us from prayer. Fasting and prayer together are necessary to help us convert and Our Lady even said that “Through prayer and fasting one can stop wars and suspend the laws of nature.” (July 21, 1982).  Fasting shows us our dependence on God and opens our hearts to His grace. Fasting also takes power away from the devil.


The Secrets:
In the church-approved apparitions of Fatima, Portugal and LaSalete, France, the Blessed Virgin Mary gave secrets to the visionaries which were eventually revealed to the world, and the same is true with the apparitions of Medjugorje. Our Lady began imparting secrets to the visionaries in Medjugorje very early on. She told the visionaries that each of them would receive ten secrets. Our Lady has imparted these secrets to the six visionaries progressively over these past 34 years. Three visionaries (Mirjana, Jakov, and Ivanka) have received all ten secrets, and subsequently, they have stopped having the daily apparition with Our Lady. The other three visionaries (Ivan, Marija, and Vicka) each have nine; therefore, they still receive daily apparitions. Obviously secrets are secrets, and the visionaries have been told by the Blessed Mother not to share them yet with the world, but they have been able to share a few things relating to the secrets.  For example, the visionaries have said that the secrets pertain to many things: the visionaries themselves, to Medjugorje, to the Church, and to the whole world.  Also, that the ninth and tenth secrets are grave matters relating to a chastisement for the sins of the world. The chastisement can be mitigated by prayers and penance, but it cannot be eliminated completely.  According to the visionary Mirjana, an evil which threatened the world which was part of the seventh secret, has been eliminated through prayer and fasting.  On August 25, 1991, the Blessed Mother referred to the secrets of Medjugorje as being a fulfillment of the secrets she shared in Fatima, and she asked us to pray and fast fervently during this time in history:  "...I call all of you, dear children, to pray and fast still more firmly...so that, with your help, everything I desire to realize through the secrets I began in Fatima may be fulfilled.  I call you, dear children, to grasp the importance of my coming and the seriousness of the situation."



The Warnings and Lasting Sign:
One secret has been partially revealed already, which is that there will be a permanent sign--beautiful, tangible, and indestructible--left on Apparition Hill in Medjugorje.  The visionaries know the date that the sign will appear and what it will be.  Mary told the children that before the visible sign is given to the world, there will be three warnings given.  Mirjana will witness the secrets and has been given the special role of revealing the secrets at the appointed time. Ten days before each one of these warnings, she will tell a priest whom she has already chosen named Fr. Petar Ljubicic.  After seven day of prayer and fasting, Fr. Petar will reveal each of the ten secrets to the world 3 days before it happens. Mirjana's testimony will be a confirmation of the apparitions and an incentive for many people to convert before it is too late. After these warnings, the visible sign will be given for all humanity at the place of the apparitions in Medjugorje. The sign will be given as the testimony of the apparitions and a call back to faith.  After the first warning, the others will follow within a rather brief period of time.  After the visible sign, those who are still alive will have little time for conversion. For that reason, the Blessed Virgin has been calling all people to urgent conversion and reconciliation since 1981.  Mary and the visionaries tell us not to focus on the secrets or the warnings, but rather to focus on personal conversion and praying for the conversion of non-believers.



The 6 Visionaries:

Marija Pavlovic Lunetti: Born April 1, 1965. Marija is always described as being deeply spiritual, prayerful, sensitive, and humble.  She contemplated the vocation of religious life for many years until she realized that if she became a nun, she would not be able to spread the messages of Medjugorje to the world as she felt God was calling her to do.  Many people thought all the visionaries would enter the religious life.  And yet, Our Lady made it clear to all of them that they had freedom in deciding their vocations.  Now that all of the visionaries are married, it would appear that the world was in need of witnesses to holy family life.  Marija has received nine secrets and continues to have daily apparitions.  Marija also receives an extra apparition on the 25th of each month that Mary says is a message intended for the entire world.  She was married in 1993 to an Italian man and has four sons. The family resides in Italy.  It is interesting that Marija ended up marrying an Italian man, as one of the miraculous gifts that Our Lady gave to Marija early in the apparitions was the ability to understand and fluently speak native Italian in an instant.



Ivanka Ivankovic Elez: Born June 21, 1966. Ivanka was the first visionary to see Mary.  One month before Mary appeared to her, Ivanka's mother died.  One of the first things Ivanka asked Mary was if her mother was in heaven and Mary replied, "Yes, she is happy and here with me."  On May 6, 1985, Ivanka's apparition lasted longer than the other 5 visionaries, which was very unusual.  The other visionaries were astounded to see Ivanka's expression, realizing that she was still seeing Our Lady, for they had never seen each other in ecstasy during an apparition before.  They all learned afterwards, much to Ivanka's grief, that the next day would be Our Lady's last daily meeting with her.  During Ivanka's last apparition, two angels appeared with Mary, and Mary gave Ivanka the special grace of seeing her mother again.  Her mother even embraced her and said, "My dearest Ivanka, I am so proud of you."  Ivanka has received all ten secrets. She sees Our Lady annually on June 25th, the anniversary of the apparitions. She is married, lives in Medjugorje, and has three children.



Mirjana Dragicevic Soldo: Born Mary 18, 1965. Marjana is a college graduate from the University of Sarajevo (she is the only visionary to attend college).  Mirjana has received all ten secrets and has been given the role of revealing the secrets to the world at the appointed time.  Mirjana was so afraid that she would not be able to remember all the dates and times that are contained in the secrets, so Our Lady gave her a miraculous parchment-type material upon which all the secrets were written.  Only Mirjana is able to read what is written there, which is another miracle. Because Mirjana has received all 10 secrets, she no longer sees Our Lady daily, but has the grace of seeing her annually on her birthday and also on the 2nd of each month for a message intended for non-believers. Anyone who is in Medjugorje on the 2nd of the month can be present with Our Lady and Mirjana during the apparition, which is held at the blue cross at the base of Apparition Hill.  To see Mirjana's face during this apparition removes all doubt from most people's minds as to whether or not she is seeing the Blessed Mother.  Mirjana's face is so joy-filled the moment she sees Our Lady, and tears of love usually fall freely from her eyes.  Then her expression turns serious as Our Lady gives her the message intended for the conversion of non-believers.  One can seen the seriousness of these apparitions and the weight of a sinful world upon Mirjana's shoulders during the later part of the apparition.  Mirjana is married, lives in Medjugorje, and has two daughters.



Ivan Dragicevic: Born May 25, 1965.  Ivan entered the seminary shortly after the apparitions began, but experienced great difficulties their, not only academically, but emotionally and spiritually as well. His professors and fellow students in the seminary did not believe Ivan was seeing Our Lady; therefore, he was constantly mocked and scorned.  During that time, Our Lady told him, "Don't worry.  I will guide you through your life."  Ivan eventually left the seminary and married an American woman from Massachusetts named Laureen Murphy.  Laureen experienced conversion through Medjugorje, which eventually led to her meeting Ivan.  They have three children and live in Boston, Massachusetts most of the year, but spend their summers in Medjugorje. Ivan has nine secrets and continues to see Our Lady daily.   He often allows priests and religious to come to the chapel in his home to witness his daily apparition. Occasionally, Ivan receives an extra apparition late in the evening during the Catholic youth group that he began through Our Lady's request years ago, and these messages from Mary usually are intended for the youth of the world.



Vicka Ivankovic: Born September 3, 1964.  Vicka has been the visionary most available to pilgrims, giving testimony about the apparitions almost daily from the balcony of her home. Many pilgrims who meet Vicka say that she radiates joy with her contagious, captivating smile.  She has nine secrets and sees Our Lady daily.  Vicka and Jakov were the only two visionaries who were miraculously taken to see Heaven, Purgatory, and Hell.  Vicka was so moved with compassion for the suffering souls in Purgatory that she offered to suffer herself for their expiation.  Our Lady accepted Vicka's offer, and shortly afterwards Vicka was struck with a mysterious illness, causing her painful headaches, high fevers, and periods of a coma.  In January 1988, Our Lady told Vicka her suffering would soon come to an end, giving her the exact date, which she was to write down, place in a sealed envelope, and give to her confessor and to the Vatican commission investigating the apparitions.  On September 25, 1988, her illness disappeared, which was the exact date written in the sealed envelope.  Vicka's experience of suffering with joy has helped countless individuals to accept their crosses with perseverance and joy for the Lord.  Vicka married in 2002 at the age of 37.  She and her husband live a few miles outside of Medjugorje, and they have two children.



Jakov Colo: Born March 6, 1971. Jakov, an only child, was only 10 years old when the apparitions began and shortly thereafter both of his parents died.  It is Jakov who steals the heart when looking at old pictures of the visionaries in ecstasy during those early apparitions.  For many people, it is he who convinced them that that apparitions were real because of the childlike honesty he had when telling the story of the apparition and the way he joyfully endured 3 hours of prayer, on his knees, every single night, year after year.  If the apparitions had been a trick or a lie, any 10 year old boy would not have been able to endure such a pious act for so long. He has ten secrets and was devastated for many months after Our Lady stopped appearing to him daily.  He is consoled by the fact that he gets to see Our Lady annually on Christmas Day with baby Jesus in her arms.  Jakov is married and lives in Medjugorje; he and his Italian wife have three children.



The Position of the Church:
Many priests and bishops feel that they must not be supportive of Medjugorje until formal Church approval is given. However, many people do not realize that the Vatican has actually granted provisional support. The Church has NOT banned, condemned, or disproved the reported apparitions in Medjugorje. The investigation of Medjugorje is still in progress because the apparitions are still in progress. No final directive or conclusion has been reached.  Historically, the Church has never given its approval of an apparition site until the apparitions have completed ceased, allowing the Church to make a full investigation of all the messages to make sure none of them contradict Church teaching.  For example, Fatima was not formally approved by the Church until 13 years after the apparitions had ceased, and the apparitions of Guadalupe were not approved until 200 years later.

A key phrase which has been quoted frequently from the 1991 Bishops Conference in Zadar has been taken frequently to mean the apparitions, or Medjugorje in general, has been condemned or disproved: "On the basis of investigations so far it can not be affirmed that one is dealing with supernatural apparitions and revelations."  However, this phrase simply states that no definitive declaration has been made yet to affirm the apparitions.  The Church must be prudent and cautious regarding its approval of any alleged apparition site. This quote should not be considered negative, but rather, seen as a cautious stance taken by the Church while its investigations continue, and before a final decision is reached. The last official statement was made by the 1993 Committee of Bishops, organized by St John Paul II, and gives us positive insight into the Church's current position:


"We bishops, after a three-year-long commission study accept Medjugorje as a holy place, as a shrine.  This means that we have nothing against it if someone venerates the Mother of God in a manner also in agreement with the teaching and belief of the Church...Therefore, we are leaving that to further study.  The Church does not hurry:"  (Glas Koncila, August 15, 1933).

The most recent commission investigating Medjugorje rendered its findings to the Congregation for the Doctorine of Faith on January 19, 2014.  It is now up to Pope Francis to decide when he will make the findings public.  While no "official" pilgrimages can be endorsed or organized until a final decision has been reached, private pilgrimages are accepted and encouraged by many clergy, including Pope John Paul II.  An official pilgrimage is defined as a group organized and led by clergy.  A private pilgrimage is one which is organized by laity, but can also include clergy.  An informal type of recognition is granted to apparitions while they are still happening. It is granted as a result of careful and continuing scrutiny of their content and fruits. This kind of provisional approval is important because it provides exactly the kind of guidance that Church leaders around the world need from Rome, as to how much influence an apparition should be allowed to exert while it is still going on. The Vatican and the Yugoslavian Bishops have granted to Medjugorje the fullest possible measure of informal approval.  It is true, though, that the last two bishops in charge of the diocese of Medjugorje have not been vocal supporters of Medjugorje, which has caused many people to disapprove of the apparitions.  However, if you look back at the history of other apparitions such as Fatima, Lourdes, and Guadalupe, the local bishops initially did not support those apparitions either.  So, I guess I feel it is more important to study the messages of Mary to make sure they are in alignment with the Gospel (which they are) and to look at the spiritual fruits that have grown out of Medjugorje (which are positive and plentiful).  

It is worth noting that St. Pope John Paul II seemed to be an avid supporter of Medjugorje. To Monsignor Kreiger of Brazil, the pope said, "Medjugorje, Medjugorje, it is the spiritual heart of the world."  To Bishop Paul Hnlica of Czechoslovakia, Pope JPII wrote: " Yes, today the world has lost the sense of the supernatural. In Medjugojre, many have looked for it and found it in prayer, fasting, and confession." To Cardinal Franizec Tomizec of Poland, Pope JPII wrote: "If I were not Pope, I would long since have gone there to assist at the work with the pilgrims." To the American Bishop's questions: " Let the people go there, they pray there." Bishop Flores replied, "But they are inviting me to go with them".  Pope JPII answered: " Go and pray for me". To the Korean Bishops in response to thanks for what he did to free Poland from communism: "No, not me, but by the works of the Blessed Virgin according to her affirmations at Fatima and Medjugorje.”  Another telling story of Pope JPII's feelings towards Medjugorje is the fact that he met with the visionary Mirjana in Rome, and told her:  "I know everything about Medjugorje.  I have been following Medjugorje.  Ask pilgrims to pray for my intentions...to take care of Medjugorje because it is hope for the entire world.  And if I were not Pope, I would have been in Medjugorje a long time ago."   Some time after their meeting he sent her a pair of his papal shoes, telling her that he desired to come to Medjugorje, but since circumstances had prevented him thus far, he at least wanted to send his shoes!  :)


So, it is correct to say that the Church has not officially endorsed Medjugorje as an authentic apparition site yet, but the Church is not dissuading anyone from going there to seek to grow in holiness.   Thousands of priests, religious, and bishops have made the pilgrimage to Medjugorje and found it to be a place of peace, hope, and conversion, so I do not understand why anyone would oppose the apparitions until the Church makes an official statement of disapproval.  It is my opinion that the devil, the deceiver, is the one who tries to create the confusion surrounding Medjugorje to prevent the salvation of souls.  Jesus said that we will know a tree by its fruits (Matthew 7:16, Luke 6:44) and the good fruits of Medjugorje speak for themselves!  Medjugorje has certainly helped my faith to grow, and I pray that God will somehow use my pilgrimage there to spread Our Lady's messages to bear more good fruit for the Kingdom!

The fruits of Medjugorje sure look abundant and good to me!  :)
Our Lady, Queen of Peace, pray for us!

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