May Musings

I like the month of May.  It contains Mother's Day, my birthday (today!), my anniversary, and is dedicated to Mary, the Mother of God.  This year, being in a new home, I feel especially blessed.  It's hard to explain, but being in a new home has felt like starting a whole new chapter in the book of my life.  A good chapter that makes me not want to put the book down, but rather, makes me want to keep on reading to see what wonderful thing might happen next.  Those who know me well, know that there have been some ugly chapters in my biography, chapters I would like to re-write or even rip out and burn in the fireplace...  But, I think if I would re-read them now, I might understand how they were a necessary part of the story, and they made the blessings to follow all the more beautiful.  As an English-major and a lover of the written-word, I like being in charge of penning my own script, but God has been gently showing me that my story would be much better written (perhaps even a best-seller) if I just relinquish the pen to Him.  A bishop once said of St. Therese, that:

"her life was like a blank sheet of paper, at the bottom of which she affixed her signature and then placed it in the hands of God, to let Him write thereon all that might please Him, accepting in advance--with joy--whatever He would write, not knowing what it might be and no matter the suffering involved, but convinced that it would be only for His glory and her own spiritual good."  

I am humbled and astonished by St. Therese's child-like trust.  I'm so controlling that the thought of letting God write my story is very frightening to me (after all, what if He writes a Shakespeare tragedy!?).  But as I reflect upon all that has happened in the past 37 years of my life, I see over and over again that God always provides, He always works things out for my good.  Yes, sometimes He writes some suffering into the plot-line, but somehow He even turns that into something good!  I need to focus on the Truth that God is always good to help me worry less and trust more.  Yesterday, I was blessed with the opportunity to go to Saturday morning Mass, followed by the sacrament of Confession with a Spirit-filled priest.  He spoke exactly what my soul was thirsting for and reminded me to be more like St. Therese.  He reminded me to trust in God's goodness and mercy and to not be afraid of anything--my sins, future suffering, disappointing those I love, not being the saint I want to be--but rather to simply believe in God's goodness.  He left me with this short verse to meditate on as my penance:

"Do not be afraid, only believe."  ~Mark 5:36

I hope I can embrace that as my motto for the 37th year of my life.  Like St. Therese, I will trust and believe that God has more wonderful adventures to write in the story of my life and that no matter what else happens, it will end "happily ever after."  So here I go, on my birthday...I sign my name to the last page and hand the pen over to Him.


Here are some photos of the fun and beautiful hike we took on Mother's Day:

Just for fun, I thought I'd throw in this photo of me when I was 2!

I can't believe I'll be the big 40 in just a few years!